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Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m losing control of my mind. I’m 22 and I can’t seem to remember things I’ve done just moments ago. It’s very hard to keep up with college stuff, and I’m even considering dropping out, but I’m trying my best as I’m in my final year. Even simple tasks feel difficult to focus on. I’m so scared of what might happen if things get worse. Forgetting important things in life is my biggest fear right now. I’m trying my best, but it feels like nothing’s working. It’s not that I completely forget, but it takes a long time to remember things. What can I do?

Answered by Tashi Gurung, counseling psychologist

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It sounds extremely difficult and understandably frightening to feel like you’re losing control of your mind, especially at such a young age. I appreciate that you’re reaching out for support and sharing what you are going through.

I’m curious as to whether you’ve faced this before as a child too. You mentioned taking a long time to remember stuff. It might be a difference in learning styles: visual learners tend to absorb information through visual cues, rather than verbal or written. When a visual learner wants to take in information through writing, that’s where the difficulty might lie. Knowing your learning style can also be a good way to start getting more clarity.

You might have heard about mnemonics? When we create associations between new information and existing knowledge or experiences, it becomes easier to remember. For example, “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Noodles” is a very common example used to remember the order of the planets in the solar system (Mercury, Venus, and so on).

Chunking can also be very helpful. I used it a lot as a student, breaking down large amounts of information into smaller, more manageable chunks. If I have to remember a large number, let’s say, 456345123, it’s much easier to remember three chunks of numbers as 456-345-123. This makes the information more digestible and easier to remember.

You can also try spacing out your study time to reinforce memory retention. Even a short break of 10 to 15 minutes can help your brain consolidate the information more effectively. Also, try your best to limit distractions while studying or trying to remember information. Having a quiet, comfortable space can do wonders to focus your full attention on the task at hand.

Also, I wanted to ask: Are you feeling stressed? How is your sleep? Do you feel you are doing ok mentally? Memory and concentration issues tend to be associated with a lot of factors, especially mental health issues. Aim for at least seven to nine hours of sleep every night to optimize your brain’s ability to retain and recall information. If you’re experiencing stress, practicing stress relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and improve focus.

Please remember that everyone’s memory works differently, and it’s normal to take longer to remember certain things than others. Be patient with yourself and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you. If you continue to struggle with memory issues despite trying these strategies, please consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional for further support.

I have spent the past 28 years raising my children and supporting my husband, but now I want to pursue my own dreams and start a business. I’ve always wanted to have a bakery, and now that my children have grown up, I finally have the chance to pursue it. However, every time I bring it up with my husband, he dismisses the idea. I can see that he doesn’t want to invest in my venture. I wish my family would understand how important this is to me and support me in this new chapter of my life. I want them to know I’m capable of achieving something meaningful outside of the role of a housewife. Being unable to convince my partner is affecting me. I don’t want to be a housewife for the rest of my life. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Your self-motivation to pursue your passion is commendable. The problem here lies in a lack of communication skills and convincing ability. When communication and persuasion fall short, you may feel demotivated and guilty. The starting point should be the repetition of your agenda in a kind and gentle manner, which may eventually lead to convincing him. However, when repeating the agenda, ensure you’re kinder and gentler.

The main point is open communication, looking forward to the best time and place, which will make it easier for you to express yourself openly. In open communication, the main thing to remember is to keep realistic expectations and set proper boundaries. Realistic expectations refer to what you’re going to do and expecting something achievable, while boundaries refer to balancing family responsibilities and personal aspirations.

Self-care helps a lot. You should make self-care a priority. The two important things for self-care are compassion and mindfulness. This helps you understand what you’re going through and why you’re struggling with this particular issue. You can see yourself as a friend, like, “Okay, there’s at least one person who understands me, and that’s me.”

If it still feels like it’s not working out, you may seek support from your family. If there are any family members whom your husband actually listens to, you can seek support and help from them as well. You could discuss the benefits of change, the benefits of your plan to your husband and the whole family as well.

Or maybe there’s a reason behind your husband not agreeing. For example, some people might be insecure due to past experiences. Maybe he’s scared of what might happen if the business goes into loss due to lack of experience. So, it’s important to know the reasons behind his resistance, which may help you approach the conversation with empathy and sensitivity.

You could try to convince him about growing together. Show him the positive sides to convince him of your plan. If you’re not able to manage and lack motivation, consider seeking therapy. Reach out to a therapist to work on yourself as well as help you with communication and persuasion skills.

I’m 15 years old and I’m studying in the ninth grade. I've been going through a lot lately. I’m struggling academically, and my teachers constantly compare me to my friends which only adds to my stress. Despite my efforts, I can’t meet their expectations and that makes me sad and I lose motivation. I have repeatedly requested my parents to put me in a different school but they don’t listen to me.  I feel so alone and helpless. I just want someone to understand that this is hurting me. What can I do?

Answered by Dristy Moktan, psychosocial counselor

The teenage phase is often a challenging stage of self-discovery. We are constantly trying to figure out who we are, and a supportive environment is crucial for expressing ourselves freely. It’s a good thing that you put the effort into writing this message to reach out for help. This shows a great deal of self-awareness and your willingness to deal with the challenges from your end.

Academic struggles can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that academic excellence isn’t for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay. Let’s normalize the idea that success can come in many forms. We all have unique strengths and abilities. Instead of just focusing on areas of difficulty, why don’t we explore our passions and interests?  Delving into your hobbies can bring a sense of comfort, acceptance, and the very self-worth you seem to be seeking.

Sometimes, parents and teachers, in their desire to motivate, might make comparisons or comments that might feel harsh on young people leading them to become disappointed and self critical. For readers who are parents and teachers, the key is listening to them. When young people express struggles, it’s crucial to listen and validate their feelings, rather than dismiss their concerns.

It’s never an ideal way to make comparisons instead embrace their individuality and work together to find solutions. Parents and teachers might be their only support system and when they don’t get that support it’s likely that they might end up not trusting other people around their circle too.

And for children and students who are facing this, it’s very important to discover who you are.  Reflect on who you are, not just who others expect you to be. Let’s take the opportunity to know ourselves better because that’s when we can communicate our needs better with the people around us. Knowing oneself also empowers us to communicate our needs assertively—expressing our thoughts and feelings directly without holding back, respectfully, and without fear of disappointing anyone.

About the conversation that you had with your parents about changing schools, do you think you could be more expressive about why you’re requesting this by assertively addressing your concerns?

One technique that you could use while communicating your needs could be: I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [impact] and I need you to [your needs along with what can be done to make it better]

In your case with your parents the wordings may look something like “I’m feeling overwhelmed when my teachers compare me to my friends because my efforts aren’t acknowledged, even though I’m trying my best in school which is impacting my motivation. I believe a new school that caters to my needs could be a better fit for me.”

Despite your efforts if you still think your needs aren’t met, consider building a broader support system apart from your parents. A trusted adult can be a listening ear and an advocate for you. They might even help you communicate your concerns to your parents.

At 25, I didn’t expect life to involve caring for my ill father after my mother’s passing. I wake early to prepare meals, manage medicines, and ensure his comfort before work, straining my income and personal goals. It’s not that I’m tired of caring for him, but I yearn to focus on my career too. I seek balance and reassurance that prioritizing my well-being is acceptable as I care for him. I’m ready to do everything it takes to make sure my mental state doesn’t suffer. I’m determined to navigate this path with courage and compassion, knowing that my well-being and personal growth are intertwined with my caregiving duties. But how do I start?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I want to acknowledge your strength and dedication, which have contributed significantly to your father’s improvement. It’s commendable that you’re balancing caregiving responsibilities and your own needs and aspirations during this challenging time.

Your awareness of the importance of self-care and seeking reassurance indicates that you need a social support system and open communication. Speaking openly about your feelings, particularly with your father, can foster understanding and cooperation, ultimately benefiting both of you.

It’s crucial to set realistic expectations for yourself. Be gentle, and break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable ones. Establish clear boundaries between your caregiving responsibilities and personal life, perhaps by designating specific hours for caregiving and other time for your goals and needs.

Prioritizing self-care is essential. Acknowledge your efforts and strengths, practice self-care without guilt, and recognize what you gain from self-care activities rather than focusing on what you’re missing. Practicing mindfulness and journaling can also be beneficial.

If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek support from family, friends, or professional counseling. Sharing experiences with others and prioritizing your well-being are crucial. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a step towards a stronger journey.

At 25, taking on significant responsibilities is a great achievement, but it’s okay to seek external support to balance both. You’re doing a fantastic job, but it’s essential to take care of yourself to provide effective caregiving and maintain personal strength at the same time.