Submit your Article

I’m a 16-year-old high school student, and I feel frustrated at home. My parents constantly compare my grades to my elder brother’s achievements, making me feel inadequate. Despite efforts to explain how their words affect me, my parents argue that they only want the best for me. How can I request my parents to encourage me to succeed without creating feelings of resentment or comparison?

Answered by Dr Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

It sounds like you’re dealing with a really tough situation, and I want to acknowledge how frustrating and disheartening that can be. But at the same time, I really appreciate that you are opening up about your issue.

It’s a difficult situation when parents, knowingly or unknowingly, make comparisons that leave you feeling inadequate. It’s totally understandable that you want support and encouragement, not pressure and competition. First and foremost, you should try talking to your parents about how you feel. Choose the right time and approach. Instead of talking in the heat of frustration, find a calm and relaxed moment to express your feelings. Try using ‘I’ statements to avoid making them defensive. For example, “I feel discouraged when my efforts are compared to my brother’s, and it makes it hard for me to stay motivated.” 

It’s important that you emphasize your unique strengths. Gently remind them that everyone has different skills, interests, and learning styles. Let them know you are trying your best and would feel more encouraged with support from them rather than comparisons.

Also show that you understand their intentions. Parents usually want the best for their children. So, acknowledge that you know they want the best for you. You might say, “I appreciate that you want me to succeed, and I do too. But I think I would do even better if I felt supported in my own journey rather than compared to someone else.”

You can also offer a solution. You can suggest alternatives that would motivate you more. Ask for positive reinforcement, like recognizing improvements or efforts rather than just grades. For example, “It really helps when you notice my hard work, even if my grades aren’t perfect. I want you to accept me for the person that I am.”

If these don’t work for you then learn to set boundaries and stay patient. If comparisons continue, try setting emotional boundaries by reminding yourself that their words don’t define your worth. Change takes time—your parents may need multiple reminders before they adjust their approach. You can take help from a trusted family member or a psychiatrist or therapist if you feel too overwhelmed doing all this and more on your own. 

One of my friends recently graduated with an engineering degree but dreams of becoming a writer. His family insists he should get a secure job in his field, but he feels his creativity and passion are stifled and can’t tell his parents about it. How can young professionals navigate the conflict between following their passions and meeting societal or family expectations for a stable career?

Answered by Aditya Dangol, mental health professional

The argument of whether it is right for parents to decide their children’s career path has been historically controversial. Nepal is a collectivist society. It values keeping harmony, making collective decisions that benefit the group, and having a high regard for older generations. Unfortunately, many families may hold these values strongly to the extent that individual desires and choices are overlooked. This culture is heavily reflected in parental influence on an individual’s career choices. Families may attempt to convince their members to pursue career options such as engineering, medicine, and aviation which promise, real or perceived, economic security, and high social recognition. In many instances, individuals conform to the expectations of their family members over pursuing their desired career paths. Although people tend to succeed in sectors their families pushed them into, many accounts of resentment and frustration toward their families have been reported.

Your friend can’t seem to choose between following their passion and meeting family/societal expectations. Depending on what’s important for you as an individual, whether you follow your passion or fulfill your ‘responsibilities’ towards your family, both are ideal scenarios. However, being in the latter position seems to have become more of an unpleasant experience. In such scenarios, consider these questions: “Would it be possible for me to invest some time into writing while I’m pursuing engineering?”, “Do I want to pursue writing as a full-time career or be more flexible with it?”, “Is there a possibility of either of your choices to be sustainable for you, in the future? 

Navigating yourself in conflicts of career choices or any value clash between family members can be tricky. It might be difficult and even scary to communicate your choices that deter from or even oppose your family’s values. However, difficult conversations are important. It provides a space for members to understand and empathize with one another. What we can work on is how we have those conversations. Generally, it’s suggested that such interactions are most effective when done one-on-one rather than addressed to a group. Equally important is to ensure that all parties involved are in an emotionally relaxed state. Emotionally charged conversations cause more unhealthy conflicts. If you plan on having this difficult conversation, preparing yourself by discussing it with a trusted one can help you feel ready. I must be honest, there is still a chance of conflict even if all these rules are followed. However, understand that conflicts can be healthy and help solve ‘hushed’ problems.

Setting boundaries or asserting yourself could be perceived as disrespectful by family members, leading to conflict. While we must stay respectful, healthy conflict between members is a natural and necessary part of any relationship. Most conflicts arise due to the clash of individual values and perspectives, which likely have never had the chance to surface. Avoid arguments when emotionally charged (leave the room or space if you have to). Have a one-on-one conversation after things have calmed down (prevents interference from other members). Don’t bring old issues and, if needed, discuss it with a trusted individual beforehand.

We have been together for three years now and we are planning to get married. But we often find ourselves arguing over finances and that is creating a strain in our relationship. What are some effective strategies for us to address financial disagreements without harming our relationship?

Answered by Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

It’s great that you’re proactively seeking strategies to address financial disagreements. Money can be a sensitive topic, but with open communication and a shared approach, it can become a source of strength in your relationship. 

First and foremost, open and honest communication with your partner is the key. Schedule a time to discuss finances when both of you are calm and focused. It’s important that you both understand each other’s money mindset. Explore each other’s attitudes toward saving, spending, and financial priorities. Recognize that differences in financial attitudes often stem from upbringing and personal experiences, not from a lack of care or responsibility.

Plan on setting common goals. Identify short-term and long-term financial goals together, such as saving for a wedding, buying a home, or planning for retirement. Align your spending and saving habits with these shared goals. Also, learn and discuss about creating a budget together. Work together to draft a monthly budget that accounts for income, expenses, savings, and discretionary spending. Use tools like apps or spreadsheets to track expenses and ensure transparency.

Divide financial responsibilities. Decide how to split expenses—whether equally, proportionally to income, or another method that feels fair to both. Assign roles for managing specific aspects of finances, like paying bills, monitoring investments, or managing savings. It’s important to understand that you must agree on a threshold for discretionary spending that doesn’t require prior consultation (e.g., purchases over a certain amount need mutual agreement). This helps avoid surprises and builds trust between each other. Schedule monthly discussions to review your budget, discuss progress toward goals, and address any concerns. Treat these meetings as collaborative rather than confrontational.

If financial planning feels overwhelming, consult a financial advisor to help you create a plan. A neutral third party can offer objective insights and strategies. Acknowledge and validate each other’s financial priorities, even if they differ. Compromise when and where necessary to ensure both partners feel heard and valued.

Remind yourselves of why you’re together and the life you’re building as a couple. Avoid letting financial disagreements overshadow your relationship’s positive aspects. For those couples who are planning to get married or stay together, it’s important to be honest with each other. Talk about your financial expectations even before marriage or companionship. Share your financial histories, including how you were raised to think about money, your current financial situation, and your future goals. Be transparent about your income, debts, and spending habits.

Approach disagreements with empathy and a willingness to understand, rather than with the intention to win the argument. A therapist can help you address underlying issues and develop better communication and conflict resolution skills. By working as a team and prioritizing your relationship over financial disputes, you can build a stronger foundation for your future together.

I’m a college student and I have a job as well. Whenever I have some free time, I like to sleep or scroll through social media. My parents have a problem with it. They think I’m neglecting my studies. But I’m also using my phone for college and work. Also, technology isn’t necessarily bad. I don’t like it when my parents misunderstand me. How can I bridge this communication gap and make them understand that modern technology can align with traditional values? 

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist

I’m going to assume you are in your late teens or early 20s as this kind of problem is more common in that age group. What you are facing is more likely to be a perception vs reality situation. Your parents think social media can harm you but it might be helping you deal with everyday pressures. What you can do here is share how you feel and how social media or technology is helping you in your studies, work, and personal life. 

Generational gap can lead to many problems in the family, especially where technology is concerned. They didn’t have access to it during their times so it will take them a while to get used to it and start seeing its advantages. You can reassure them that you won’t let it hamper your studies or career. Try sharing how you feel it helps you and they might slowly start understanding. 

It can also be a good idea to acknowledge their concerns and appreciate their advice. This way they will feel like you are hearing them out and not dismissing them. In the process, you can also share your thoughts and communicate why you do the things you do so that they get an insight into the workings of your mind as well. 

Try to involve them when you are using the internet. If you are watching something on YouTube, maybe you can get them to watch it with you. Ask them what they would like to watch and tell them what you are interested in. Sharing interests can lead to open communication and a better understanding of one another. 

Every parent worries about their child. Yours too are just looking out for you. In this case, if you are open and honest with them, they will eventually come around. The key is sharing how you feel and explaining things to them.