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How do I manage anxiety before important exams or presentations?

Answered by Dr Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

Have you ever felt your heart race, palms sweat, or mind go blank just before an important exam or presentation? If yes, you’ve likely experienced anticipatory anxiety—a common but often misunderstood response where the fear of a future event causes overwhelming stress.

Imagine a student preparing for a crucial medical entrance exam. She has studied well, revised thoroughly, and done countless mock tests. But as the exam day nears, sleep becomes elusive, appetite vanishes, and self-doubt creeps in. “What if I forget everything? What if I fail?” This is anticipatory anxiety in action—the fear of what might happen hijacks the present moment.

Why does this happen?

Our brains are wired to detect threats. But in today’s world, the ‘threat’ is not a wild animal—it’s failure, judgment, or embarrassment. Our bodies respond the same way—with increased adrenaline, tension, and a flood of negative thoughts.

How can we manage it?

Acknowledge the anxiety
Recognizing that you’re anxious—and that it’s normal—is the first step. Most high-performing individuals experience pre-event anxiety. It’s not a weakness; it’s part of being human.

Practice relaxation techniques
Deep breathing, grounding exercises, and mindfulness help calm the racing mind. Even five minutes of slow breathing can activate the body’s relaxation response.

Shift your focus
Instead of obsessing over the outcome, focus on your preparation and effort. Affirmations like ‘I am prepared and I will give my best’ help reframe thoughts.

Visualize success
Athletes do it—and so can you. Close your eyes and imagine yourself walking into the exam room or onto the stage, calm and confident, performing well.

Stick to a routine
Eat well, sleep adequately, and avoid last-minute cramming. A healthy body supports a calm mind.

Anticipatory anxiety doesn’t mean you’re not ready—it means you care. But with the right tools, you can turn that nervous energy into performance fuel.

Sometimes everything seems to be fine but, deep down, something feels heavy and empty at the same time. Is it normal to feel empty even when everything seems fine?

Answered by Karmendra Prakash Shrestha, psychology student, intern at Happy Minds

Before answering the question, I would like to acknowledge your awareness of this feeling. Noticing that something doesn’t feel right even when everything appears fine on the outside is a meaningful and courageous step. It’s easy to ignore or dismiss these experiences, often brushing them aside in the rush of daily life. But recognizing them is the first step toward understanding and healing.

Emotions, regardless of whether they are positive or negative, are a normal part of life. Happiness, sorrow and their many different varieties, color our lives. So, it’s important to remind ourselves that feeling down, sad or any other negative emotions is okay and it’s actually important to allow ourselves to feel them. When emotions are suppressed or left unacknowledged, they often resurface in other, more complex ways. 

However, the moment the conversation changes is when such emotions persist for a long time and start affecting other parts of your life (social, personal, professional, love life). If everytime you feel heavy and empty when things are seemingly fine, then it might be an indication that an issue is present deep within you. Our emotions, experiences, and traumas don’t always come to the surface. Due to busy  lives, it’s perfectly possible not to know why we’re feeling certain emotions, difficulties or problems. Issues that come from one’s childhood can be especially difficult to identify and treat. They remain dormant, showing little to no indication of its existence, until something significant change and/or event occurs which causes the issue to emerge to the surface. 

It’s also worth exploring what ‘empty’ or ‘heavy’ truly means for you. These words can reflect a wide range of feelings. Emptiness can refer to loneliness, boredom, sadness, or a lack of meaning, while heaviness might come from guilt, shame, overwhelm, or mental/physical exhaustion. Being able to name what you’re feeling more specifically can bring clarity and direction. One useful tool for this is the ‘emotion wheel’, which is a visual guide that helps people identify and articulate their emotions more accurately and can be easily found through a simple google search. Often, just naming what we feel can reduce some of the confusion and offer a sense of relief.

If these feelings begin to interfere with your daily life, your relationships, or your sense of self, it might be time to seek support. The feeling of heaviness and emptiness while everything seems fine can be an indicator of the presence of some underlying issue. Speaking to a therapist can be a valuable way to understand what’s beneath the surface in a safe and supportive environment. Therapy isn’t only for moments of crisis, it’s a space for self-discovery, growth, and healing, even when things seem okay on the outside. 

It’s really hard to forget someone when you have given everything to this person. These days,  many people stay in a relationship though it’s really hard for them to deal with all the things that are going on. Why do some people keep going back to toxic relationships even though they know it’s not right for them?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist

In this context of relationships, one of the most significant aspects is investment—whether emotional, mental, or even financial. People often continue staying in relationships that aren’t good for them because they’ve already invested so much into it. Psychologically, this is known as the ‘sunk cost fallacy’—the more time and effort someone puts in, the harder it becomes to walk away, even when it’s damaging.

One major reason people stay is the fear of being alone. Loneliness can be terrifying, especially for those who tie their worth to being wanted or needed by someone. This fear often leads to staying in unhealthy dynamics just to avoid abandonment.

Some individuals are validation seekers—they depend heavily on others to feel worthy. For them, being in a relationship, even a harmful one, provides a sense of being valued. This dependence can mask deeper insecurities and make detachment feel impossible.

Low self-esteem also plays a powerful role. People with poor self-worth often internalize blame, thinking the problem lies within them. They may believe they don’t deserve better or that they are responsible for the issues in the relationship.

Past traumas, especially those involving attachment, abuse, or neglect, can shape how someone tolerates pain in relationships. For instance, someone who grew up feeling unloved might cling to even a small amount of affection in adulthood, despite the surrounding toxicity.

In many cases, there’s also hope for change. People tend to hold on to the 20 percent of good in a person while ignoring the 80 percent that’s harmful. They cling to moments of affection or connection, hoping things will get better—often at the cost of their own peace and growth.

To move forward, one must first recognize their own self-worth. Growth begins with understanding that love should not compromise your peace, dignity, or self-respect. Having meaningful conversations, setting boundaries, and seeking support—be it from friends, therapy, or community—can open the door to healing.

Think of a rose: it’s beautiful, but it also has thorns. If you’re not careful, it can hurt you. Similarly, love is a beautiful emotion, but it must be handled with care, wisdom, and respect for yourself.

In the end, staying in a relationship that consistently harms you isn’t love—it’s survival. And you deserve more than just surviving; you deserve to thrive.

You realize you are always the one initiating plans in a friendship. How should you approach this situation—should you confront your friend, step back, or reevaluate the friendship?

Answered by Aditya Dangol, mental health professional

Anna LeMind, a psychology writer and founder of Learning Mind, said, “One-sided friendships inevitably lead to disappointment. But even worse is that they make you feel invisible and not good enough.” The situation you’ve mentioned here is one of the most common and emotionally challenging dynamics that occur in friendships. That nagging feeling of being the only one who initiates plans can slowly build up to the point where you start wondering if your friend even cares or values the relationship at all. The experience can be painful and, in some cases, even humiliating. And the confusion around whether to confront, step back, or re-evaluate the friendship just adds to the emotional load.

I appreciate your effort to figure out how to navigate this situation and make the best decision for yourself. That in itself shows a lot of emotional maturity. Now that we’ve acknowledged how complicated this situation can be, a simple place to start is by asking ourselves a few clarifying questions. Based on your concern, it’s clear that you’ve noticed a pattern in your friend’s lack of initiation. So, here are some questions that might help you get some clarity:

Is this a recent pattern, or has it been happening for a long time? Are there any external factors that could explain this behavior? (Stress, anxiety, financial difficulties, life changes?) Are there other ways this friend might be expressing care or affection, even if not through initiating plans? Most importantly—how is this whole situation making you feel?

Another important question is: Have you communicated how you feel to my friend? If yes, was it done directly—like clearly expressing it in words—or more indirectly, like through jokes, sarcasm, or memes? Usually, in situations like these, it’s suggested to communicate directly, though with a bit of softness or compassion. Even if it feels uncomfortable or unnecessary, expressing how you feel is often the first step toward resolution. I know it can be scary too—thoughts like “what if this is all just in my head?” or “what if I make things worse?” are common. But even if discomfort or conflict arises, honesty is often necessary for growth.

Here’s one way we could bring it up in a neutral, kind, and direct manner: “Hey! I’ve been wanting to talk to you about our friendship. I really value it a lot, but lately I’ve been feeling like I’m always the one making the effort to plan things or reach out. When I don’t see that coming from you, I start feeling like I’m not important or valued. I wanted to check in—how do you feel about this? I would really like to know if something is bothering you as well.”

This kind of statement helps express your emotions while still leaving space for your friend to respond honestly. It’s important to share how you feel rather than pointing fingers. That keeps the conversation grounded and open rather than defensive.

When you put yourself forward to your friend in this manner, observing their response to your questions and statements can be key in deciding whether to step back or even re-evaluate the friendship. Consider it a good sign if your concerns are met with openness—without defensiveness, lashing out, or attempts to gaslight you into thinking your feelings are an overreaction or simply wrong.

It’s possible that your own interpretation of the situation may amplify or influence your concerns. That’s completely human. But the core of what you feel is still valid and deserves attention. What matters most is how your friend responds. Are they willing to listen and understand, or do they deflect, minimize, or try to shut down the conversation? That response—more than the issue itself—often reveals the real health of the relationship.

If the conversation is met with deflection, gaslighting, minimization, or defensiveness, it might be time to step back and re-evaluate if this relationship is truly healthy—or if your efforts are being taken for granted. Ask yourself: Are they willing to be honest about their behavior? Do they take accountability or apologize if needed? Even if their response is accepting and empathetic, what matters next is action. Do they make any real effort to change their behavior moving forward? 

Ultimately, reflect on this: Is this friendship bringing you more comfort, support, and understanding—or more discomfort, pain, betrayal, and disrespect? The answer can guide you in deciding whether to continue investing in the relationship or begin letting go. Friendships, like any relationship, require mutual effort, honesty, and care. If you find yourself constantly chasing connection, it may be time to pause and prioritize your emotional well-being. It’s okay to expect effort in return. And it’s more than okay to walk away from what no longer nurtures you. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and others—is to stop proving your worth and simply protect your peace.