Mind Matters | Not getting your due
A person works hard but often gets overlooked for promotions. How should they navigate this situation—should they speak up, change jobs, or change their approach?
Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist
It’s frustrating when you work hard but feel like no one notices. You might start questioning your worth, wondering if you should speak up, stay quiet, or even look for another job. Being ignored at work can make you doubt yourself, feel less motivated, and even cause burn out. But before you decide what to do, let’s see why this happens and how you can take charge of the situation.
One reason could be an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ scenario. Sometimes, your hard work happens behind the scenes. If leaders don’t see it, they might not realize how much you’re contributing. Being good at your job isn’t always enough—you need to make sure others notice your efforts.
Second would be you’re too modest. If you don’t like talking about your achievements, others might not know how much you’ve accomplished. While being humble is great, it can backfire if people who promote themselves get all the attention.
Also, it happens when you doubt yourself. Do you feel like you’re not good enough for a promotion? This kind of self-doubt can stop you from speaking up, which makes it easier for others to overlook you.
So, what can you do about it?
First, it helps to understand Your Workplace. Pay attention to who gets promoted and why. Is it based on hard work, connections, or something else? Knowing this can help you figure out how to stand out.
Next, show your achievements. Don’t assume people will notice your work. Keep a record of your successes—big projects, results you’ve delivered, and positive feedback. Share these in meetings or during performance reviews.
Talk to your boss. Don’t wait for recognition—ask for it. Set up a meeting and say something like, “I want to grow here. What do I need to do to move up?” This shows you’re serious and opens the door for feedback.
Work on building relationships. Get to know people outside your immediate team. Attend company events, connect with leaders, and ask for advice from senior colleagues. Networking can help you get noticed.
If nothing works, then consider other options. If you’ve tried everything and still feel ignored, it might be time to look elsewhere. Finding a workplace that values your contributions can make a huge difference.
Feeling overlooked doesn’t mean you’re not doing great work—it often means you need to adjust how you’re being seen. By understanding why this happens and taking steps to highlight your value, you can take control of your career.
Mind Matters | Striking a balance
Many students today feel immense pressure to balance academics, extracurricular activities, and personal life, often leading to stress and burnout. How can they develop effective time management strategies while also prioritizing self-care?
Answered by Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist
Balancing academics, extracurriculars, and personal life can be overwhelming, especially for students who feel pressure to excel in everything. Modern world can be challenging with the pressure to balance personal life and career and this constant juggling can create lots of pressure and undue stress.
But self care is important. Encourage prioritization and time management. Help her/him identify priorities and focus on the most important tasks. Introduce them to time-blocking or planner apps to create a structured schedule. Suggest the Pomodoro technique (work in focused intervals with short breaks) to boost productivity.
Setting realistic expectations may help. Remind them that perfection isn’t necessary—it’s okay to do her best without overburdening themselves. Encourage them to celebrate small wins rather than fixating on flaws. Promote self-care and breaks. Encourage adequate sleep, a nutritious diet, and physical activity to support mental well-being. Remember to take short, intentional breaks during study sessions. Introduce stress-relief activities like meditation, journaling, or listening to music.
Be a support system. Offer to help with tasks (e.g., quiz her for an exam, proofread an essay, or just listen). Remind them that it’s okay to ask for help from teachers, friends, or counselors if needed. Make sure they make time for fun activities and socializing to avoid burnout. Encouraging them to pursue hobbies that make her happy outside of academics may be beneficial too.
If they are overcommitting, remind them that it’s okay to say no to some activities to prevent exhaustion. Helping them assess whether every extracurricular is truly beneficial or just adding unnecessary stress. Lead by example. Show how you manage stress in a balanced way—this can be motivating. Offering emotional support and reminding her that success is not just about grades but also well-being can make a huge difference.
Mind Matters | Raising children
How can parents strike a balance between setting expectations and giving their children the freedom to explore their own interests and career paths?
Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychiatrist
Parenting is a delicate balancing act that involves guiding children toward success while giving them the freedom to explore their passions. Many parents set high expectations out of love, believing that structure and discipline will pave the way for a secure future.
The challenges parents face in setting expectations often stem from deeper psychological reasons. One common factor is the fear of uncertainty. Parents worry that their child will make poor choices or struggle in life, leading them to impose strict rules and goals in an attempt to secure their child’s future. This fear, while well-intentioned, can result in excessive control, stifling a child’s ability to grow independently.
Another factor is unresolved personal aspirations. Some parents unconsciously push their children toward careers or paths they themselves wished to pursue, projecting their own unfulfilled dreams onto their children This can create tension if the child’s interests don’t align with their parents’ expectations.
Additionally, the need for social approval plays a significant role. Societal and cultural pressures often make parents feel responsible for their child’s success, leading them to set rigid goals that might not align with the child’s strengths or passions. This can create a disconnect between what the child wants and what the parent expects.
Encouraging open communication through regular, judgment-free conversations with your child about their dreams, strengths, and challenges can help build trust. Instead of saying, “You must become a doctor,” try asking, “What excites you about your future?” This approach allows children to express themselves without feeling pressured.
It’s also good to recognize individual strengths. Every child is unique, with their own talents and abilities. Instead of comparing them to others, focus on helping them build on their strengths. If they struggle in academics but excel in creative fields, support their natural abilities while encouraging well-rounded development.
You can also teach responsibility and not take to controlling your child. Rather than enforcing strict career choices, teach your child how to make informed decisions. Encourage internships, volunteer work, and exposure to different fields so they can explore various paths with a sense of responsibility.
And lastly, be a support system and not a dictator. Children thrive in environments where they feel supported rather than controlled. When they know you trust them, they are more likely to seek your guidance instead of rebelling against it.
Parenting is not about control. It’s about guidance. Ultimately, the goal is to raise confident, independent individuals who feel empowered to pursue their dreams while knowing they have a strong support system to fall back on should they need it.
Mind Matters | Dealing with pressures of all kinds
My sister is a student who is overwhelmed by assignments, exams, and extracurricular activities. She feels the pressure to excel in everything. How can I help her manage academic stress and maintain a healthy life balance?
Answered by Sunita Mahat, counseling psychologist
Academic stress is a growing concern, especially among students in their pre-teen and teenage years, when the demands of school, social expectations, and personal goals often collide. Without proper support, this stress can negatively affect productivity, self-esteem, and mental well-being.
Academic stress has become increasingly common as students must balance assignments, exams, and extracurricular activities. The pressure to excel in all areas can sometimes feel overwhelming, and it impacts productivity, self-esteem, and overall mental well-being. However, it’s crucial to understand that every student reacts to stress differently. While some may thrive under pressure, others might struggle with the weight of unrealistic expectations.
Understanding your sister’s unique challenges is the first step toward offering meaningful support. If her stress appears persistent or overwhelming, seeking guidance from a school counselor or teacher could provide valuable additional support. Here’s how you can help her manage academic stress while ensuring a healthy balance in her life.
Understand her natural rhythms
To effectively support her, start by recognizing when she is most productive. Everyone has natural energy peaks—some work best in the morning, while others perform better in the evening. Ask her these simple questions to better understand her needs:
When do you feel the most and least energetic?
When do you concentrate best, and when is it hardest to focus?
What changes could help you manage your time more effectively?
By understanding her natural rhythms, she can schedule demanding tasks when her energy levels are highest, making study sessions more efficient and less taxing.
Prioritize sleep and wellbeing
Academic stress can sometimes interfere with sleep, which in turn impacts memory, focus, and emotional regulation. If she’s struggling with sleeplessness, it may be due to the anxiety created by her schoolwork. Encourage her to stick to a regular sleep schedule and avoid screens an hour before bedtime. You can even ask her to try relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or journaling. Quality sleep is not a luxury, but an essential ingredient for both academic success and emotional resilience, so make it a priority in her routine.
Teach her to manage time effectively
A lack of structure can often lead to feelings of being overwhelmed. Help her break assignments down into smaller, manageable steps. A planner or a to-do list can be incredibly helpful for her to visualize tasks, making them feel more achievable. The Pomodoro Technique—studying in focused intervals (like 25 minutes of work followed by a 5-minute break)—can also help reduce burnout and boost productivity.
If possible, help her organize her schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and downtime into a balanced schedule. Ensure that she isn’t overburdened with too many activities, and remind her that rest is just as important as academic success.
Encourage a balanced approach to success
Many students strive for perfection in every aspect of their lives, but true success lies in knowing when to prioritize and when to let go. Encourage her to set realistic, attainable goals. She must also reflect on her extracurricular activities—do they bring her joy or merely add pressure. It’s also important to understand that saying ‘no’ to non-essential tasks isn’t failure but self-awareness at its finest. Striking a balance between academics and personal life is a crucial skill that will serve her well throughout life.
Promote self-care and stress relief strategies
A healthy mind and body are the foundation of academic success. Encourage habits that nourish both: Take short breaks between study sessions to refresh her mind. Eat nutritious meals to maintain her energy levels. Engage in physical activity, even a brief walk, to relieve stress. Practice mindfulness or deep breathing exercises to manage anxiety. Self-care isn’t just a diversion; it’s a crucial part of her ability to thrive in both academics and life.
Be a safe space for her
Sometimes, what she needs most is someone who listens without offering immediate solutions. Rather than jumping into problem-solving mode, create a space where she feels truly heard and validated. Phrases like “I see how hard you’re working, and I’m really proud of you”, “It’s okay to take breaks. You don’t have to do everything at once” can be helpful. These words of encouragement can make a world of difference in helping her feel understood and supported.
Help her set healthy boundaries
If she feels overwhelmed by commitments, guide her in recognizing when it’s okay to say “no” or delegate tasks. Remember, no one can do everything at once, and learning to set boundaries is key to achieving both success and well-being. Encourage her to reflect on these questions: Is this task truly necessary for my growth? Am I taking this on because I want to, or because I feel pressured? Setting boundaries is a valuable skill that will help her balance school and life, and it will serve her well in the future.
Offer emotional support
Sometimes, all a student needs is someone to listen. Let her know you are there for her—without judgment. Validate her feelings and remind her that her worth is not defined by academic success. Your unwavering support will offer her the security she needs during stressful times.
Also, a peaceful, supportive home environment can significantly alleviate stress. Encourage open communication, create family routines, and provide her with a quiet, distraction-free space for studying. Minimizing distractions at home can make it easier for her to focus on her academic tasks.
Speak to her teacher(s)
You can play a pivotal role by talking to her teacher. They may be unaware of the internal struggles she is facing, and sharing her challenges could help them tailor their approach. Open a dialogue with the teacher, and ask if there is any way they can adjust their teaching style or offer additional support to help your sister learn more effectively. Simple conversations like these can help build a bridge of understanding between you, your sister, and her teachers.
Seek professional help when needed
If you notice her showing signs of stress, such as irritability, withdrawal, or a decline in mood, address it promptly. Encourage her to take breaks, seek help, or talk to a counselor if needed. Be proactive in ensuring her mental well-being is prioritized alongside her academic success. If her stress continues to be overwhelming despite these efforts, consider reaching out to a school counselor, therapist, or mentor. Professionals can offer personalized coping strategies and provide further guidance specific to her challenges.
While academic achievement is important, it should never come at the expense of mental or emotional health. Success is not about being perfect in everything—it’s about finding balance and recognizing that your sister’s well-being comes first.With small adjustments and a focus on maintaining a healthy life balance, she can continue to pursue her goals without compromising her happiness. Your presence, understanding, and encouragement—as both a sibling and a support system—are making a more profound impact than you may realize.