Adjustment issues

Query

I’m a 23-year-old man currently pursuing a BBS degree at a local college in my area. While I don’t consider myself an introvert by nature, circumstances have pushed me in that direction. During high school, I had a great friend circle and excelled academically. However, everything changed after I graduated from high school.

Moving to Kathmandu for further studies was a significant transition that proved to be quite challenging. I found it difficult to adjust. I struggled to connect with people as I had done before. Though I’ve managed to make friends, I haven’t found the sense of belonging or the family that I crave. My academic performance has also suffered, and living alone only worsens my struggles with mental health. I wish to reclaim the youthful energy and vibrancy that I used to have.

Answered by Aditya Dangol, professional counselor and psychologist

Leaving behind the familiarities of a lifetime, the place where you grew up with your family and where your cultural identity and essence were shaped, can be really tough. Departing from one’s roots isn’t easy and it’s common to feel disconnected. Adjusting to a new circumstance requires patience and time, you will get into it gradually.

There is a tendency to place the people of Kathmandu on a pedestal. While not always the case, common perception often characterizes Kathmandu as a progressive society. However, many individuals have encountered difficulties in expressing themselves and presenting their ideas in fear of judgment. Adjusting to such a significant change can indeed be challenging, but it’s encouraging that you’re aware of your feelings. It’s natural to experience a sense of longing for your old place during this adjustment period.

One helpful approach is to begin by discussing your feelings with friends, especially if there’s someone you feel particularly comfortable with. Expressing how you truly feel when you’re in their company can be quite therapeutic. Take note of your emotions and observe whether you’re missing your home or if you’re finding it difficult to resonate with the energy around your friends.

Consider reaching out to a trusted individual with whom you can openly discuss your concerns. Opening up in this way can provide valuable insight and support as you navigate through this period of adjustment.

If you bottle things up, assumptions can affect you more because they create manufactured scenarios, harming your self-esteem and ability to be yourself. Sharing these concerns with someone you trust can provide valuable support and perspective to navigate through them effectively.

When relocating, there’s a significant shift in routine, surroundings, and even the very place you sit or sleep. Personalizing your new environment with items that reflect your tastes and remind you of your home can be a helpful strategy for adjusting to the change. Additionally, staying connected with loved ones provides a sense of continuity and support during this transition.

Remember, even though you’ve physically moved, the essence of your past experiences and connections stays with you wherever you go. Sometimes it’s good to catch up with friends. You may eventually find someone who can be a supporter or even understand you.

Another aspect to consider is adjusting your routine to resemble the familiarity of your previous routine, fostering a sense of being at home. Additionally, if these strategies prove ineffective, seeking assistance from professionals can be beneficial. Remember, engaging in conversations with professionals doesn’t necessitate experiencing anxiety, it’s a proactive step towards holistic well-being.