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Siblings sometimes experience rivalry, even into adulthood. What’s the best way to handle long-standing competition and resentment?

Answered by Karmendra Prakash Shrestha, psychology student, intern at Happy Minds

Sibling rivalry that continues into adulthood is more common than many realize. Though often associated with childhood, these tensions can linger for years, shaped by early roles, perceived favoritism, or unresolved conflicts. When left unaddressed, they can harden into patterns of resentment, comparison, and emotional distance.

The first and often most effective step is reflection. Understanding the nature of the rivalry, what triggers it, how it plays out, and what emotions surface, is essential. Many adult sibling conflicts are fueled not just by recent interactions, but by long-standing dynamics that date back to early family life. Bringing awareness to these patterns helps shift the focus from blame to understanding.

When communication becomes necessary, it’s most productive to approach it thoughtfully and without accusation. Conversations that center on one’s own experience rather than judgment or critique tend to be more constructive. For example, stating how a dynamic has been experienced or how certain interactions have felt is more likely to foster openness than recounting past wrongs. The goal is not to assign fault but to create space for mutual recognition.

Boundaries also play a critical role. If interactions consistently lead to emotional distress or conflict, it’s appropriate to limit contact or define clear expectations around communication. Boundaries aren’t a rejection but rather a way to maintain emotional well-being and preserve the potential for respectful engagement.

It’s also important to avoid comparisons. Rivalry often thrives on perceived inequalities, differences in success, attention, or approval, but comparing paths only deepens division. Every individual has a unique journey, and peace often begins when those comparisons are set aside in favor of acceptance and self-defined values.

Unresolved resentment may be rooted in early family roles or unmet emotional needs. Exploring those origins can provide clarity and relief, particularly with the support of therapy. Professional guidance can offer a neutral space to untangle these threads and support healing, whether individually or as a family.

Forgiveness may be part of the process, though it should not be confused with forgetting or excusing harmful behavior. Rather, it involves releasing the expectation that the past could have unfolded differently. This release allows room to make decisions based on the present reality, not past pain.

Ultimately, it’s possible to shift a long-standing dynamic, but change doesn’t always require both parties. Even without reconciliation, personal clarity and healthier responses can transform the emotional impact of the relationship. In some cases, reduced contact brings peace; in others, new understanding opens the door to a more respectful and authentic connection. Siblings share history, but that doesn’t mean they must share the same future. With intention and emotional care, it’s possible to honor the past while choosing a different path forward. 

Some friendships become toxic over time, leaving you emotionally drained. How can you recognize when to walk away and how can you cope with the loss?

Answered by Tashi Gurung, counseling psychologist

Not all friendships in our lives are truly meaningful, even if they may seem important at first. When we take a moment to genuinely reflect and analyze the nature of our relationships over time, we can begin to discern whether they are actually healthy or simply habitual. It’s easy to hold on to a connection just because of shared history, but history alone doesn’t justify emotional strain.
Ask yourself: Does spending time with this friend leave me feeling anxious, unheard, or consistently drained? Do I find myself constantly putting in more effort than I receive? Do I feel unappreciated, disrespected, or subtly undermined by passive-aggressive behavior? Is there a sense of rivalry disguised as concern, or do I feel emotionally manipulated? If the answers to these questions lean toward yes, then it may be time to consider stepping away.
Letting go of such a relationship isn’t easy. Ending a friendship, especially one that may have once been close, can trigger a deep sense of grief. These emotions are valid. You might feel a mix of sadness, guilt, anger, or even relief. All of these responses are normal, and it’s important to accept them without judgment. There is no ‘right’ way to feel when a chapter closes.
During this period of emotional transition, it’s helpful to lean on the people who have consistently shown up for you—those who support you with sincerity and care. Engaging in fulfilling activities, spending time with loved ones, or even diving into creative hobbies can be ways to reconnect with yourself and replenish your emotional energy.
Ultimately, learning to let go is a powerful skill, one rooted in self-awareness and self-respect. Walking away from a toxic or unbalanced friendship is not a sign of failure. In fact, it’s a meaningful step toward preserving your well-being and honoring your personal growth. Choosing peace over persistent discomfort is one of the most courageous acts of self-love.
And as we move forward, it's important to remember that not every ending is a loss. By creating space in our lives, we open the door for new, healthier connections to find us—relationships built on mutual respect, understanding, and genuine care. The right people will never make you question your worth. They will help you see it more clearly.

Some people feel they are stuck in a job they don’t love but fear financial instability if they quit. What’s the best psychological approach to making this career decision?

Answered by Dr Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

Many people find themselves stuck in a career that doesn’t fulfill them, yet feel trapped by the fear of financial instability. The internal tug-of-war between security and self-fulfillment is more common than we think. From a psychological standpoint, here are key approaches that can help clarify such a difficult decision.

First, it’s okay to feel conflicted. Wanting stability doesn’t make you risk-averse, and craving purpose doesn’t make you reckless. Validating both desires, financial security and meaningful work, is the first step to clear thinking. Every now and then ask yourself: What truly matters to me? Is it creativity, autonomy, security, contribution, growth? Once you understand your top two to three core values, you can start aligning your work path with them. Career decisions often feel like ‘stay or quit.’ In reality, there are many shades in between shifting to part-time while exploring something new, building a side project or freelancing, and upskilling for a transition without quitting right away

Psychologists call this cognitive flexibility, the ability to see multiple possibilities. It reduces anxiety and opens up realistic options. Picture yourself in five years.

First image: You stayed in the job for security, how does it feel?

Second image: You took the leap toward passion, what’s the emotional tone?

This visualization taps into emotional forecasting and helps you anticipate regret, fulfillment, or relief. Fear of financial instability is real. But fear shrinks when we create a plan. How many months of savings do you need to feel secure? What’s the worst-case scenario, and how would you cope? This helps activate your prefrontal cortex (the most creative part  of the brain) instead of staying stuck in fear-driven survival mode. Talk to a therapist, or trusted mentor–not just to get answers, but to explore your own thinking patterns. Sometimes we need help distinguishing whether our fears are realistic or distorted by anxiety. Choosing a career path isn’t just a professional decision, it’s a deeply personal one. The goal isn’t to eliminate fear but to make a conscious decision with both your head and heart involved.

Many people feel obligated to maintain relationships with toxic family members and let’s be honest, we all have them. But how can they set boundaries while dealing with the guilt that often comes with it?

Answered by Aditya Dangol, Mental health professional

Studies show that 70 percent of people experience some form of family dysfunction, yet many struggle to set boundaries due to feelings of guilt.

The challenge of setting boundaries

Navigating unhealthy or toxic family relationships can be complicated. Experiencing manipulation, guilt-tripping, and gaslighting can leave people questioning their emotions and decisions. Daily interactions may feel like a battle—walking on eggshells, anticipating the next conflict, and feeling dismissed, inadequate, or overly criticized. Setting boundaries in such an environment is challenging, especially when they are perceived as disrespectful, selfish, or a rejection of family values. These reactions—whether verbal or non-verbal—can trigger intense guilt.

Cultural and familial expectations

Familial relationships are deeply emotional and interdependent, shaped by expectations of care and reciprocity. In cultures like Nepal’s, where family loyalty, respect for elders, and collective responsibility are deeply ingrained, setting boundaries can feel even more difficult. Guilt in boundary-setting often arises from a fear of hurting or disappointing loved ones and going against ingrained obligations. This guilt exists because we deeply care about our family, value our relationships, and are empathetic. While caring for family is important, it should not come at the cost of personal well-being and self-respect. When guilt prevents boundary-setting, it’s essential to examine its roots—whether cultural, familial, personal, or a combination of all three.

Understanding the root of guilt

Our guilt often stems from how we define values like loyalty, duty, and respect. For example, someone might feel guilty for challenging their parents' outdated beliefs, fearing it will be seen as disrespectful. This guilt is rooted in the belief that a ‘good’ child never opposes family members, as doing so might be considered ungrateful or uncaring. However, critically analyzing whether these inherited values serve us or interfere with our growth can help us navigate our emotions.

Key self-reflection questions

A few important questions to ask yourself are:

• What about setting boundaries makes me feel like I am doing something wrong?
• How have my family or relatives responded to my attempts to set boundaries?
• What thoughts or emotions does their response trigger in me?

Many people have thoughts like, “I feel selfish for putting my needs first” or “If I say no, they might think I don’t love or respect them.” Some even feel as if they are being treated like a child for asserting reasonable boundaries. However, it’s crucial to recognize that prioritizing personal needs is not selfishness, and saying no does not diminish love or respect for family members.

Examples of boundary-setting in action

When parents expect constant availability

A young professional finds it difficult to say no when their parents frequently ask for help at inconvenient times. When they set a boundary by explaining their workload, the parents respond with, “You don’t have time for us anymore.” This triggers guilt, but the individual reminds themselves that having personal time does not mean neglecting family.

Challenging unfair expectations

A daughter is expected to handle all household responsibilities while her brother is not. When she speaks up, she is told, “This is just how things are.” Although she feels guilty for questioning tradition, she realizes that fairness should not be dismissed under the guise of family roles.

Dealing with emotional manipulation

A man refuses to lend money to a relative who repeatedly asks but never repays. When he sets a boundary, the relative accuses him of being selfish. Instead of absorbing the guilt, he acknowledges that saying no does not make him a bad person.

The greatest battle here would be having to constantly remind ourselves of these affirmations of ‘having personal time does not mean neglecting family’, ‘Demanding fairness should not be dismissed in any regard’ and ‘saying no does not make us a bad person’. 

Overcoming projected guilt

In many cases, the guilt felt while setting boundaries is projected onto us by family members. Some may struggle to accept rejection and, in response, express disappointment or blame us, even when we are not at fault. This makes it important to recognize that the guilt we feel may not be our own but rather a reflection of their discomfort. Accepting that we cannot control how others feel about our boundaries—and allowing them to have their reactions—can be liberating. This mindset shift helps us set boundaries with confidence, fostering both emotional growth and healthier relationships.