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I’ve been struggling with feelings of frustration because it seems like my family members never appreciate what I do. Whenever I achieve something significant or express my opinions, they tend to take the spotlight away from me and dismiss my contributions. How can I manage these toxic family interactions and maintain my well-being?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I understand that feeling frustrated and unappreciated by your family is incredibly difficult and can be very disheartening. Your accomplishments and opinions are important, and it’s crucial to find a way to assert their significance while also taking care of your own well-being.

Feeling frustrated and undervalued can often stem from family dynamics where your efforts may go unappreciated. These emotions might also arise from unmet emotional needs and personal fulfillment. To begin addressing these feelings, try journaling as a way to process your emotions and gain self-awareness. Write down specific instances when you felt dismissed, including the details of where, when, and what mattered. This can help you better understand and accept your feelings.

Improving and developing your communication skills can be beneficial, such as practicing assertive expression of your feelings. For example, using ‘I’ statements can foster better self-connection. Additionally, calmly and consistently sharing your boundaries with your family is important. Express to them that you would like to be appreciated and acknowledged for your roles in the family. Instead of hoping they will understand your needs on their own, gently communicating your feelings can make a big difference.

It's important to have a close support group or circle of friends where you feel comfortable and appreciated. Sharing and celebrating your achievements with trusted individuals outside your family can be very fulfilling. These friends can offer genuine responses and support, helping you feel valued. Seeking validation from close friends or individuals outside of your family can provide the encouragement and recognition that you might not always receive at home.

If you feel like you don’t have a close support group, it’s important to focus on self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your own feelings and accomplishments. Practicing self-affirmation can help with this. Reflect on what you are going through and celebrate your achievements, focusing on what has gone right rather than what has gone wrong. Embrace the mindset of ‘I’m my own best friend,’ and remind yourself that you are there for yourself.

Keep in mind that your value isn’t determined through validation of others, but rather by your own recognition of your worth and accomplishments. It’s your self-perception that should shape your sense of self-worth.

If you find that these strategies aren’t working for you, professional support might be beneficial. If your frustrations persist, seeking help from a therapist can provide you with detailed strategies to cope. Therapy offers a safe space to explore your emotions and family dynamics, and it can help you develop personalized plans to maintain your well-being.

My parents divorced before I turned ten, and my father was mostly absent from my life. Recently, he tried to reconnect, promising to support my future, but I fear he might abandon me again. This lingering hurt creates a barrier between us, built from years of disappointment. I’m torn between giving him a chance and protecting myself from potential hurt. Should I rebuild our relationship or keep my guard up?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Despite the challenging circumstances, you have bravely shared your feelings, and I’m grateful that you have taken this important step towards seeking help. Many people go through similar emotions due to factors like parental absence and emotional distance during their childhood and it’s natural to want to protect yourself.

Psychologically, this fear of abandonment and hesitancy to form attachments is a common struggle, particularly among those whose parents have divorced. Rest assured that you aren’t alone in feeling this way. Many people face these same fears.

Developing self-awareness is a key step in your healing journey. You can begin with self-reflection and introspection, in order to understand your needs, for instance start by journaling about yourself, your expectations from your father, the possibility of reconnecting, and what triggers you emotionally. This will help you gain clarity and understand the root of your fears and desires.

Prioritizing self-care is essential. Engage in activities that nurture your well-being, such as journaling or exercise. When you’re facing challenges, focusing on self-care is a way to support yourself through those tough times.

After delving into self-care, communication emerges as another crucial aspect for you to address. The prospect of reconnecting may evoke confusion and uncertainty due to a fear of being abandoned again. To address these concerns, it’s important to have an open conversation with your father about your expectations, emphasizing the need for consistency. Be honest in all forms of communication with your father to establish realistic expectations.

Naturally, resolving things won’t happen instantly. After sincere communication, gradual reconnection is vital. Take small steps to build your relationship by observing your father’s consistency and efforts. As you start to feel trust, through activities like meetups and phone calls, your bond with him will gradually strengthen.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by these new experiences, it’s perfectly acceptable to seek therapeutic support. Therapists can provide coping strategies and assist you in making decisions, offering valuable help during this process.

The choice to reconnect or remain guarded is entirely yours, based on what feels right for you. Trust your instincts, focus on awareness, emotional healing, communication, and take things one step at a time.

I’m 48 years old. My entire life has been dedicated to caring for my in-laws, husband, and children. Despite all my efforts to keep them happy, my husband cheated on me with someone much younger. I feel lost and broken. It’s been 8 months since I found out, but I still can’t forget what happened. Despite his apologies, the pain lingers, and I struggle with anxiety and fear. I feel trapped in this situation because I care deeply about my children. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I truly understand that as responsible parents in a long-term relationship, facing betrayal or infidelity at the age of 48, especially when there are children involved, is incredibly painful. It can leave you feeling lost, broken, and overwhelmed with emotions such as anxiety, sadness, and stress. It’s entirely understandable to feel this way. Recognizing and acknowledging these emotions can be very helpful.

Healing from infidelity is a gradual process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Carefully consider your options. Ultimately, the decision to stay in the marriage or pursue a different path depends on what you think is best for you and your children in the long run.

Start by practicing self-compassion and kindness toward yourself. Understand that you are going through a difficult time, and even if there is no one to share your burden, you can help yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy. It could be yoga, meditation, spending time in nature, listening to music, journaling, or anything that helps to cheer you up. Be there for yourself—self-love and compassion matters most at this stage.

Another thing to follow is to set clear and distinct boundaries. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly. If both of you are willing, consider seeking couple’s therapy to work on rebuilding trust. Communication is key. If you find it difficult to communicate directly with your husband, try discussing your feelings with close friends or family members. Sharing things helps to get perspective and validation as well as find the way forward. 

If you are struggling, consider seeking support from a qualified professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Therapeutic support provides a safe space to process emotions, gain insight into your feelings, develop coping strategies, and navigate challenging situations. Remember, you deserve to be happy and respected in your relationship. There are ways to work on it and, if needed, we are here to help you through this difficult time.

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions recently. Growing up at the orphanage, she seemed like family, even though we weren’t very close. When I learned of her suicide, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt an enormous loss while also feeling angry at her for abandoning us. Strangely, I couldn’t cry. Then the panic episodes began—twice now—making me feel as if I can’t catch my breath. To make matters worse, her family members turned up at the orphanage, blaming us and demanding legal action. At 21, I feel lost. It’s like everything is spiraling out of control, and I don’t know how to cope. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Navigating the loss of a loved one, especially under such complex circumstances, can be challenging and overwhelming. As you struggle with the grief and emotional turmoil that comes when someone dies by suicide, it’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.

Acknowledging and processing your experience is important. You can do this by writing down your thoughts on paper or communicating with loved ones which can provide comfort. Openly expressing emotions in writing can help understand experiences and initiate awareness and healing.

First, recognize the complexities of your emotions, particularly in stressful situations. Recognize that it’s common to experience a variety of emotions, including sadness, rage, and numbness, especially while coping with bereavement or difficult situations. Understanding and embracing these sensations without judgment is critical to beginning the healing process.

Grief may be overwhelming, and you may need further help from a therapist or grief counselor. These specialists can provide assistance and tools for managing loss, as well as a safe environment for you to express your feelings and progress through the grieving process at your own speed. They can also provide coping methods to assist you overcome the difficulties of grieving and achieve a sense of calm and acceptance.

To manage panic attacks, develop coping mechanisms like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and muscle relaxation. Engage in self-care activities like exercise, sleep, and healthy eating to support overall well-being and reduce the frequency and intensity of panic attacks.

If you’re struggling with complex emotions or finding it challenging to manage on your own, seek professional help from mental health professionals like therapists or counselors. They offer personalized support, coping strategies, and a non-judgmental space for exploring your feelings and working towards healing and growth.