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I’m feeling really nervous about being judged but I wanted to ask if it’s normal to feel exhausted and sad after using social media, especially Instagram? Every time I scroll through the site, I get flashbacks of what happened a year ago and I find myself getting upset and stuck in those memories. This makes it hard for me to sleep because I end up forcing myself to think about things I don’t want to remember. How can I stop this cycle and feel better?

Answered by Dr Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

First, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing how you feel. It’s not easy to open up, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. What you’re describing is actually a common experience for many people, especially when social media triggers past memories or emotions. 

Platforms like Instagram and Facebook often display curated highlights of lives, which can amplify feelings of inadequacy, sadness, or longing, especially if you’re already feeling vulnerable. Similarly seeing posts or memories can remind you of a difficult time that can act as emotional triggers thus bringing back intense feelings or unresolved issues. This can further overstimulate your brain, making it harder to wind down, leading to overthinking and difficulty sleeping.

It’s important that you set boundaries. Limit your screen time, especially before bed. Consider using apps or phone settings to monitor and restrict your usage. You can curate your feed to reduce triggers. Sometimes restricting or muting accounts that bring up negative emotions can also be helpful. Similarly, journaling about your feelings can help externalize and process your emotions. 

In order to create a healthy lifestyle, make a night time ritual. Replace usage of mobile phones with some calming activities, like reading, journaling, or meditating. Try deep breathing exercises or Jacobson’s progressive muscle relaxation to help calm your mind before bed. 

Since your sleep is being affected, focusing on sleep hygiene can be a key step in breaking this cycle. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule. You should optimize your sleep environment. Limit screen time before bed. Avoid screens (phones, tablets, TVs) at least one to two hours before bedtime, as the blue light can suppress melatonin production, making it harder to fall asleep. If you must use your phone, enable night mode or use blue-light-blocking glasses.

When you notice yourself spiraling into past memories, try grounding techniques. This technique involves naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. Redirect your attention to something engaging, like a hobby or a podcast. Learn to practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel sad or upset. These emotions are part of healing. Focus on self-care and activities that bring you joy or relaxation.

If these feelings persist or worsen, or if they start to interfere significantly with your daily life, it might be helpful to consult a mental health professional. They can provide tailored strategies to help you process your emotions and regain control. Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. You deserve peace and happiness, and seeking support can be a powerful step in your journey.

Are there any specific lifestyle changes I can make to improve my mental health, such as exercise, diet, or sleep habits?

Answered by Aditya Dangol, Psycho-social Counselor

The effects of our daily functioning on our mental health is significant. There are lifestyle changes that you can make to improve your mental health. Exercise or any form of physical activity including sports, dancing or walking improves well-being on a physiological and psychological level. Aerobic exercises reduce anxiety and depression by activating regions of the brain that elevates mood and motivation. 

Research suggests that adding 30-35 minutes of activity at least three to five times a week reduces activity in regions of the brain that modulate fear and stress responses, and increases positive mood. On a psychological level, regular and even workouts integrated within daily activities provide a sense of distraction or break, accomplishment and opportunities for social interaction. For instance, it is recommended to physically move around after every 30 minutes to break the accumulated stress of work and improve cognitive functioning (ability to solve problems and make decisions). 

Food and sleep significantly affect our mental health. Your food intake can determine your tendency to decrease or increase mental health issues. High levels of junk food consumption have been linked to increased risk of anxiety and depression. Highly processed food causes inflammation and stress in the body which disrupts the function of the brain and leads to biological changes that mimic those of mental disorders. 

Making changes to the type of food you consume could reverse and even promote healthy brain functioning. Food containing high levels of caffeine (energy drinks, cold beverages, coffee etc.) and highly processed food (chips, white pasta, salty snacks) should be avoided. Proper hydration and intake of electrolytes ensures maintained energy levels, mood and concentration. 

When it comes to sleep and mental health, we cannot deny our lived experiences of grogginess, low energy levels and a general disdain for getting through the day after a bout of a sleepless night. But the connection goes much deeper. Sleep and mental health go in a feedback loop. Lack of sleep leads to feelings of fatigue, difficulty focusing, followed by stress and worry. 

Grounding techniques, mindfulness, avoidance of caffeine, screen usage before sleep can result in better quality sleep. But lifestyle changes aren’t limited to sleep, diet and exercise. One of the major determinants of happiness has been found by studies to be positive social relationships which develop resilience and help you push through difficult times. A lifestyle change could be the change in dialogues you have mentally. Assessing whether we are overly critical of ourselves and changing into something more compassionate is a life-style change as well. Opting for professional help (therapy and consultation) or interaction with mental health professionals as if it were a bi-monthly check up could be a lifestyle change as well. 

Sometimes I feel burdened by my friendships. I feel the need to constantly communicate with them even if I am not in the right state of mind. How do I deal with this feeling and learn to approach friendships in a  healthy manner?

Answered by Kapil Sharma

Friendship forms an important part of social support that is essential for everyone. However, if we fail to maintain boundaries, it can be hard for us, which is what seems to be happening to you. This is absolutely normal. 

Looking through a psychological lens, most people have a people-pleasing tendency. People crave the validation they feel when they meet others’ expectations. Fear of rejection also leads people to prioritise friendship excessively. Consequently, boundaries tend to get blurred. Additionally, we feel the need to be constantly available for our friends, even if we feel emotionally fatigued ourselves. The fear of losing the friendship leads to us ignoring our own well-being. 

During such situations, reflect on what you truly need from your friends. You can ask yourself questions like: “Am I prioritising my well-being?”, and acknowledge the fact that your mental health matters too. This is the first step. 

Secondly, work on maintaining boundaries. This means, communicate well about your emotional availability with your friends. For example, “I’m not in the right space to talk right now. But I will reach out when I can.” 

Sometimes, a sense of guilt leads to blurring of boundaries. Reframing the guilt helps. In a healthy friendship, it’s essential for both parties to feel supported. If there is any guilt about past happenings, it should be resolved immediately. Otherwise, it will manifest in unhealthy forms. 

Clear communication is the key. Remember to prioritize quality over quantity. Instead of meeting all the time, it’s better to meet in regular intervals and communicate everything honestly. Dedicating a friendship-free time in your routine also helps. During this time, you should focus on things other than friendship such as hobbies, mindful practice, and relaxation. This helps to recharge. Even after all this, if you still struggle with boundaries and communicating, you should seek professional support.

How can unhealthy relationship dynamics, such as emotional manipulation or constant conflict, impact the mental health of teenagers or people of any age group for that matter?  What are some signs to look for that someone might be struggling with their mental health as a result of being in unhealthy relationships?

Answered by Dr Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

Unhealthy relationship dynamics, including emotional manipulation and frequent conflict, can have significant and far-reaching impacts on mental health irrespective of age. These negative interactions erode self-esteem, foster anxiety, and can contribute to feelings of isolation and depression.

Emotional manipulation often involves tactics like guilt-tripping, or using affection as a means of control. For teenagers, who are still developing their sense of identity and emotional resilience, being manipulated can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and an increased risk of depression and other mental disorders.

Similarly, constant conflict, and thus repeated exposure to arguments and hostility, whether in romantic, or family relationships, activates the body’s stress response. Chronic exposure can lead to heightened stress levels, fatigue, sleep disturbances, and increased vulnerability to mental health issues such as anxiety disorders or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Recognizing that someone is affected by toxic relationships is crucial for timely intervention. You might notice some behavioral changes in that person. S/he may withdraw from friends and activities they once enjoyed, display irritability, or show sudden drops in academic or work performance.

You might even notice signs like persistent sadness, low self-worth, or a pervasive sense of hopelessness. Stress and emotional distress often manifest physically through unexplained headaches, or frequent illness due to a weakened immune response. People exposed to unpredictable or manipulative relationships might become overly anxious about making decisions or may doubt themselves frequently. An individual might go to great lengths to avoid situations, people, or conversations that may trigger conflict or emotional pain.

If these signs are present, it’s essential to reach out and offer support. Encouraging open dialogue and connecting the individual with mental health professionals can make a significant difference. Therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), has been shown to help people rebuild self-esteem and resilience after experiences of emotional manipulation or chronic conflict. Promoting a supportive, understanding environment is key in helping anyone affected by toxic relationships regain their mental and emotional balance.