Submit your Article

How can parents strike a balance between setting expectations and giving their children the freedom to explore their own interests and career paths?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychiatrist

Parenting is a delicate balancing act that involves guiding children toward success while giving them the freedom to explore their passions. Many parents set high expectations out of love, believing that structure and discipline will pave the way for a secure future. 

The challenges parents face in setting expectations often stem from deeper psychological reasons. One common factor is the fear of uncertainty. Parents worry that their child will make poor choices or struggle in life, leading them to impose strict rules and goals in an attempt to secure their child’s future. This fear, while well-intentioned, can result in excessive control, stifling a child’s ability to grow independently.

Another factor is unresolved personal aspirations. Some parents unconsciously push their children toward careers or paths they themselves wished to pursue, projecting their own unfulfilled dreams onto their children This can create tension if the child’s interests don’t align with their parents’ expectations.

Additionally, the need for social approval plays a significant role. Societal and cultural pressures often make parents feel responsible for their child’s success, leading them to set rigid goals that might not align with the child’s strengths or passions. This can create a disconnect between what the child wants and what the parent expects. 

Encouraging open communication through regular, judgment-free conversations with your child about their dreams, strengths, and challenges can help build trust. Instead of saying, “You must become a doctor,” try asking, “What excites you about your future?” This approach allows children to express themselves without feeling pressured.

It’s also good to recognize individual strengths. Every child is unique, with their own talents and abilities. Instead of comparing them to others, focus on helping them build on their strengths. If they struggle in academics but excel in creative fields, support their natural abilities while encouraging well-rounded development.

You can also teach responsibility and not take to controlling your child. Rather than enforcing strict career choices, teach your child how to make informed decisions. Encourage internships, volunteer work, and exposure to different fields so they can explore various paths with a sense of responsibility.

And lastly, be a support system and not a dictator. Children thrive in environments where they feel supported rather than controlled. When they know you trust them, they are more likely to seek your guidance instead of rebelling against it.

Parenting is not about control. It’s about guidance. Ultimately, the goal is to raise confident, independent individuals who feel empowered to pursue their dreams while knowing they have a strong support system to fall back on should they need it. 

My sister is a student who is overwhelmed by assignments, exams, and extracurricular activities. She feels the pressure to excel in everything. How can I help her manage academic stress and maintain a healthy life balance?

Answered by Sunita Mahat, counseling psychologist

Academic stress is a growing concern, especially among students in their pre-teen and teenage years, when the demands of school, social expectations, and personal goals often collide. Without proper support, this stress can negatively affect productivity, self-esteem, and mental well-being.

Academic stress has become increasingly common as students must balance assignments, exams, and extracurricular activities. The pressure to excel in all areas can sometimes feel overwhelming, and it impacts productivity, self-esteem, and overall mental well-being. However, it’s crucial to understand that every student reacts to stress differently. While some may thrive under pressure, others might struggle with the weight of unrealistic expectations.

Understanding your sister’s unique challenges is the first step toward offering meaningful support. If her stress appears persistent or overwhelming, seeking guidance from a school counselor or teacher could provide valuable additional support. Here’s how you can help her manage academic stress while ensuring a healthy balance in her life.

Understand her natural rhythms

To effectively support her, start by recognizing when she is most productive. Everyone has natural energy peaks—some work best in the morning, while others perform better in the evening. Ask her these simple questions to better understand her needs:

When do you feel the most and least energetic?

When do you concentrate best, and when is it hardest to focus?

What changes could help you manage your time more effectively?

By understanding her natural rhythms, she can schedule demanding tasks when her energy levels are highest, making study sessions more efficient and less taxing.

Prioritize sleep and wellbeing

Academic stress can sometimes interfere with sleep, which in turn impacts memory, focus, and emotional regulation. If she’s struggling with sleeplessness, it may be due to the anxiety created by her schoolwork. Encourage her to stick to a regular sleep schedule and avoid screens an hour before bedtime. You can even ask her to try relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or journaling. Quality sleep is not a luxury, but an essential ingredient for both academic success and emotional resilience, so make it a priority in her routine.

Teach her to manage time effectively

A lack of structure can often lead to feelings of being overwhelmed. Help her break assignments down into smaller, manageable steps. A planner or a to-do list can be incredibly helpful for her to visualize tasks, making them feel more achievable. The Pomodoro Technique—studying in focused intervals (like 25 minutes of work followed by a 5-minute break)—can also help reduce burnout and boost productivity.

If possible, help her organize her schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and downtime into a balanced schedule. Ensure that she isn’t overburdened with too many activities, and remind her that rest is just as important as academic success.

Encourage a balanced approach to success

Many students strive for perfection in every aspect of their lives, but true success lies in knowing when to prioritize and when to let go. Encourage her to set realistic, attainable goals. She must also reflect on her extracurricular activities—do they bring her joy or merely add pressure. It’s also important to understand that saying ‘no’ to non-essential tasks isn’t failure but self-awareness at its finest. Striking a balance between academics and personal life is a crucial skill that will serve her well throughout life.

Promote self-care and stress relief strategies

A healthy mind and body are the foundation of academic success. Encourage habits that nourish both: Take short breaks between study sessions to refresh her mind. Eat nutritious meals to maintain her energy levels. Engage in physical activity, even a brief walk, to relieve stress. Practice mindfulness or deep breathing exercises to manage anxiety. Self-care isn’t just a diversion; it’s a crucial part of her ability to thrive in both academics and life.

Be a safe space for her

Sometimes, what she needs most is someone who listens without offering immediate solutions. Rather than jumping into problem-solving mode, create a space where she feels truly heard and validated. Phrases like “I see how hard you’re working, and I’m really proud of you”, “It’s okay to take breaks. You don’t have to do everything at once” can be helpful. These words of encouragement can make a world of difference in helping her feel understood and supported.

Help her set healthy boundaries

If she feels overwhelmed by commitments, guide her in recognizing when it’s okay to say “no” or delegate tasks. Remember, no one can do everything at once, and learning to set boundaries is key to achieving both success and well-being. Encourage her to reflect on these questions: Is this task truly necessary for my growth? Am I taking this on because I want to, or because I feel pressured? Setting boundaries is a valuable skill that will help her balance school and life, and it will serve her well in the future.

Offer emotional support

Sometimes, all a student needs is someone to listen. Let her know you are there for her—without judgment. Validate her feelings and remind her that her worth is not defined by academic success. Your unwavering support will offer her the security she needs during stressful times.

Also, a peaceful, supportive home environment can significantly alleviate stress. Encourage open communication, create family routines, and provide her with a quiet, distraction-free space for studying. Minimizing distractions at home can make it easier for her to focus on her academic tasks.

Speak to her teacher(s)

You can play a pivotal role by talking to her teacher. They may be unaware of the internal struggles she is facing, and sharing her challenges could help them tailor their approach. Open a dialogue with the teacher, and ask if there is any way they can adjust their teaching style or offer additional support to help your sister learn more effectively. Simple conversations like these can help build a bridge of understanding between you, your sister, and her teachers.

Seek professional help when needed

If you notice her showing signs of stress, such as irritability, withdrawal, or a decline in mood, address it promptly. Encourage her to take breaks, seek help, or talk to a counselor if needed. Be proactive in ensuring her mental well-being is prioritized alongside her academic success. If her stress continues to be overwhelming despite these efforts, consider reaching out to a school counselor, therapist, or mentor. Professionals can offer personalized coping strategies and provide further guidance specific to her challenges.

While academic achievement is important, it should never come at the expense of mental or emotional health. Success is not about being perfect in everything—it’s about finding balance and recognizing that your sister’s well-being comes first.With small adjustments and a focus on maintaining a healthy life balance, she can continue to pursue her goals without compromising her happiness. Your presence, understanding, and encouragement—as both a sibling and a support system—are making a more profound impact than you may realize. 

I have been married for five years. Lately, our relationship has been strained as my husband works late and I find myself juggling my career and most household responsibilities. We both feel unappreciated and struggle to communicate our frustrations without arguing. How can we maintain a healthy partnership when busy schedules and unequal responsibilities create tension?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, consultant psychiatrist 

Maintaining a healthy partnership while juggling demanding careers and household responsibilities is challenging. Your struggles with communication, unappreciation, and increasing tension are valid and quite common among couples navigating work-life balance. 

Emotional exhaustion can play a significant role in relationship strain, especially when one partner is juggling both career and household responsibilities. The constant pressure can lead to burnout, making people emotionally drained and less able to be present for each other. This exhaustion often manifests in impatience, irritability, and poor communication, which can make it difficult to nurture a healthy connection.

Perceived inequality in responsibilities is another factor that can contribute to conflict. When one partner feels overwhelmed by taking on more tasks, feelings of resentment can arise. This imbalance often leads to a cycle of blame and defensiveness, making it harder to address and resolve underlying issues.

Lack of quality connection is another challenge that can affect relationships. With busy schedules and constant responsibilities, partners may struggle to find time for meaningful interactions. This emotional distance can grow over time, leading to feelings of disconnection and a sense of being unappreciated.

Unmet emotional needs can also strain relationships when one or both partners don’t feel seen, heard, or valued. It can create a sense of isolation. This often results in either withdrawal or unhealthy expressions of frustration, such as arguing instead of having open, constructive conversations. These unmet needs can further deepen the emotional gap between partners.

Instead of addressing issues during moments of high tension, schedule a calm time to talk and express your feelings without placing blame. Use ‘I’ statements, such as “I feel overwhelmed handling household tasks alone,” to encourage understanding and prevent defensiveness. Take the time to list all household tasks and have an open conversation about dividing responsibilities fairly, considering each partner’s strengths and available time. If necessary, explore outsourcing some tasks, like hiring help for cleaning or meal preparation, to lighten the load and foster teamwork.

Even with busy schedules, make an effort to carve out small yet meaningful moments together. Whether it’s sharing a meal without distractions, taking a short walk, or having a weekly check-in about your emotional well-being, these moments help maintain connection. Also regularly express gratitude for each other. Simple gestures like saying, “I appreciate how hard you work for us,” can go a long way in making your partner feel seen and valued. Where possible, establish clear work-life boundaries. Encourage your partner to limit late hours, and be sure to take breaks yourself to avoid burnout. This helps create space for both relaxation and quality time together.

If communication continues to be a struggle, seeking professional guidance can provide valuable tools for navigating conflicts in a constructive way. A strong marriage isn’t about avoiding conflict but learning to face it together. By fostering open communication, redistributing responsibilities, and making time for connection, you can rebuild a sense of partnership. Small, consistent efforts will help both you and your partner feel appreciated and understood, strengthening your bond despite life’s challenges.

I’m a 16-year-old high school student, and I feel frustrated at home. My parents constantly compare my grades to my elder brother’s achievements, making me feel inadequate. Despite efforts to explain how their words affect me, my parents argue that they only want the best for me. How can I request my parents to encourage me to succeed without creating feelings of resentment or comparison?

Answered by Dr Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

It sounds like you’re dealing with a really tough situation, and I want to acknowledge how frustrating and disheartening that can be. But at the same time, I really appreciate that you are opening up about your issue.

It’s a difficult situation when parents, knowingly or unknowingly, make comparisons that leave you feeling inadequate. It’s totally understandable that you want support and encouragement, not pressure and competition. First and foremost, you should try talking to your parents about how you feel. Choose the right time and approach. Instead of talking in the heat of frustration, find a calm and relaxed moment to express your feelings. Try using ‘I’ statements to avoid making them defensive. For example, “I feel discouraged when my efforts are compared to my brother’s, and it makes it hard for me to stay motivated.” 

It’s important that you emphasize your unique strengths. Gently remind them that everyone has different skills, interests, and learning styles. Let them know you are trying your best and would feel more encouraged with support from them rather than comparisons.

Also show that you understand their intentions. Parents usually want the best for their children. So, acknowledge that you know they want the best for you. You might say, “I appreciate that you want me to succeed, and I do too. But I think I would do even better if I felt supported in my own journey rather than compared to someone else.”

You can also offer a solution. You can suggest alternatives that would motivate you more. Ask for positive reinforcement, like recognizing improvements or efforts rather than just grades. For example, “It really helps when you notice my hard work, even if my grades aren’t perfect. I want you to accept me for the person that I am.”

If these don’t work for you then learn to set boundaries and stay patient. If comparisons continue, try setting emotional boundaries by reminding yourself that their words don’t define your worth. Change takes time—your parents may need multiple reminders before they adjust their approach. You can take help from a trusted family member or a psychiatrist or therapist if you feel too overwhelmed doing all this and more on your own.