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There are the two main reasons we don’t get our needs met. First, we don’t know how to express our needs to begin with and second if we do, we forget to put a clear request after it, or we use vague words like appreciate, listen, recognize, know, be real, and stuff like that — Marshall B. Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication 

We’ve often heard terms like, “You’re so needy.” This statement implies how we don’t consider having needs as something normal or even useful. We probably believe only selfish people have needs, which is far from true. Needs are universal and we all have them. In fact, every action or inaction of ours is an attempt to meet an underlying need. 

Why is it that we don’t know how to communicate our needs then? There could be a couple of reasons for this.

1. We are not aware of our needs.

2. Even if we are aware of our needs, we don’t know how to express them.

Becoming aware of our needs enables us to understand what is important to us at any given moment. It anchors our actions in a way in which we can meet those needs. For instance, only if I am aware that I have a need for entertainment, will I consider what could be the different strategies and actions to meet those needs. Some such strategies could be going to a movie hall, visiting an amusement park, or video-calling a friend with whom I like to be playful. 

However, if I don’t understand that I have a need for entertainment, I can’t think of these possible ways to meet that need. Moreover, chances are, I will not communicate this well to the other person. I might say, “Let’s go to the movies!” This won’t help the other person understand why I want to go to the movies. They might either agree, in which case, I will have my need for entertainment fulfilled. 

But, let’s say, they tell me, “Why don’t we go to that nearby restaurant instead? Looks like a happening place!” In this case, the other person might be assuming that I just have a need to go out or explore. So, unless I tell them that I have a need for entertainment and hence, I want to go to the movies, they won’t know.

This brings us to an understanding that once we understand needs, the next step is to make a request (or verify someone else’s request if they don’t communicate their preferences directly). Requests are specific actions (strategies) that help us meet our needs. Making a request means being able to:

- Clearly ask for what we want;

- Suggest the person what to do rather than what we don’t want them to do;

- Propose a specific action to the other person.

These are a few examples that can help us understand requests well.

What we say: “Stop making so much noise!”

What a clear request looks like: “Please speak in a low voice in this room!”

What we say: “I want you to give me all your attention.”

What a clear request looks like: “I’d like you to put your phone away when we’re having a conversation.”

What we say: “Please give an honest feedback about what you think regarding my idea.”

What a clear request looks like: “Please tell me two or three things that can be improved on the idea that I just shared with you.”

What we say: “Will you please give me some motivation?”

What a clear request looks like: “I want you to tell me what’s one thing I can start doing to get working on my assignment.”

What we say: “Can’t you ever show some affection?”

What a clear request looks like: “I want you to meet me on Saturday at the cafe at 3pm so that we can have some conversations and spend time together.”  

Making clear requests helps us transform our expectations into agreements. For instance, if the request is, “Can you please turn on your cameras once I start the class?” during a virtual class, the speaker has an expectation that students should have their videos turned on. Communicating their needs, they are trying to form an agreement with others to turn their cameras on. The speaker can also verify whether their request is being accepted  or not by looking at the number of people who turn on their cameras as opposed to those who do not.

Making clear requests also doesn’t guarantee that we will have what we ask of the other person, but it will help the other person clearly know what we want. Making a request means being able to propose a specific action to the other person while also being open enough to hear a ‘no’ as a response (since we understand that their ‘no’ is coming from a need that they’re trying to meet, instead of seeing the ‘no’ as them rejecting us).

The author is Linchpin at My Emotions Matter, an education initiative that helps individuals and teams learn the mindset and skills of Emotional Intelligence. Learn more at myemotionsmatter.com

Let’s start with a question for the Nepali electorate on the eve of local elections.    

Are you happy? Yes? No? Don’t know/Can’t say? Wait....

While answering this question, be honest with yourself. Remember, you don't have to be politically correct. Remember, you are not facing the camera. Hooligans bent on getting the 'right response' are not marauding around.

So, fear not.

Don’t fake your feelings and act as angels/cherubs assigned to spread happiness around the world, for many world bodies have been investing billions of dollars for the same.

Why the world, the third world in particular, has not been able to put on a grin, leave aside that cheek-to-cheek smile, despite such huge investments is perhaps the most difficult question of our times. Is the dollar lost in the pipeline?

The Buddha is meditating under the peepal tree. Who else would seek the answer?

Forget it, for now.

For now, even forget the findings of the World Happiness Index 2022. BTW, that index has found in Europe a fountain of happiness with eight countries of the continent enjoying the topmost slots. Nepal figures as the happiest country in South Asia (rank: 84), while Bangladesh (94), Pakistan (121), Sri Lanka (127), India (136) and Afghanistan (146) cheer her on.

The rest of the world can perceive us to be one happy country, but it means nothing if we are not happy from within.

Happiness can be a very shallow idea oftentimes, anyways.

Tin-pot dictators can find happiness even by opting for ethnic cleansing and by driving away lakhs of citizens if they perceive them to be a threat to despotism. What good is ‘happiness’ if that is contingent on the fulfillment of the whims and fancies of such despots?

Sadly, the international community seems to have no problem with such despots and their ‘democratic systems’.        

Back to the opening question. While answering it, shed the burden of having to project the image of a picture-perfect country. Despite all our perfections and imperfections, we are one of the most beautiful countries. The world knows that and we know that.

This time, get a bit angry over the state of affairs. Angry over what?

Angry over misrule, corruption, the breakdown of law and order. Angry over rising inflation, triggered by repeated hikes in fuel prices in the wake of the Russia-Ukraine war and rampant corruption that has become a way of life for our political and bureaucratic elites. Angry over the audacity of our tried, tested, failed and corrupt-to-the-core political parties to seek our vote in the local elections at top of their lungs despite a disappointing performance over the decades.

Angry over the fact that Nepal continues to fare poorly on the Transparency International’s corruption perception index (CPI). Have a look at Nepal’s CPI score over a decade if you think all is hunky-dory in the god’s own country.

Year    score

2012      27

2013      31

2014      29

2015      27

2016      29

2017      31

2018      31

2019      34

2020      33

2021      33

Angry over apathy on the part of bureaucrats (who like to be called the Rashtrasewaks, the servants of the nation) and politicians towards the public that has been weathering an economic crisis in the wake of the Russia-Ukraine war and the aftermath of the Covid-19 pandemic that dealt a serious blow to the Nepali economy.

In the wake of economic crises, politicians around the world take drastic measures to minimize their impact on the public. They cut down on their pay and perks, some even work without pay. They do every bit to ensure that public health, education, agriculture, law and order, and all those welfare schemes do not suffer even during hard times.

But our good-for-nothings are a shameful exception. Even when the inflation is starting to bite, the government has no plans to curb expenses. 

Instead, the head of the government flies to a hill station just a stone’s throw from the government headquarters to attend a conclave. The cost of that ride: A whopping 10 lakh rupees. Couldn’t he have opted for road travel? Or could he not have addressed the conclave virtually if it were so important?

What’s more, the government seems bent on infringing upon the autonomy of the central bank.

It’s not only the government that has been showing extreme insensitivity towards the public during this crisis, though. Except for token protests against price hikes, the opposition parties have also been acting as mute spectators towards the plight of the public.

For example, none of them have suggested, even feebly, a cut-down on pay and perks for lawmakers and bureaucrats when the national economy is in dire straits. Why would they? After all, they too will be needing millions of years to ‘fight’ the elections.

A political and bureaucratic system mired neck deep in corruption needs a thorough cleansing. How about initiating this process through the elections? 

This time, reformists/activists of all sorts should have pressed for a none-of-the-above legislation, allowing the electorate to discard all of the tried, tested and failed parties in the fray. That could have offered a measure of public resentment against the old guard, and helped cleanse the system.

But all is not lost and the voters can still make a huge difference.

This election season (local level elections are on May 13, to be followed by provincial and federal elections in a matter of months) while politicians of different hues and shades come to us asking for our precious votes, let’s keep in mind that tried, tested and failed parties and their leaders are largely to blame for our pitiable plight. Rather, let’s think about giving the new, untainted ones a chance.

This time, let’s carry a lot of anger and turn it into wisdom. This time, let’s vote for Nepal, the Nepalis and a new destiny.

This time, if none of the parties are convincing enough, let’s vote with our feet. That is one sure way to make our vote count.

We met the 73-year-old lady, Kanchhi Adhikari, by chance when my wife, Radhika, and I were on a leisurely drive to Jhor Mahankal.

My gaze fell upon her as she was brimming over a doko-load (a conical-shaped basket hand-woven with bamboo strips/staves) of grass on her back. She had stopped by the teashop where we were savoring buffalo-milk tea (my favorite).

Jhor, a piddling twenty-minute ride (traffic permitting) from our house where we went to savor its countryside appeal, had become one of our favorite haunts. The village-town seemed to forge ahead with the trappings of rapid urbanization but still held vestiges of rustic settings.

Our usual location was Dobhan Chok, at arm’s length from the main bazaar area; two streams, Boudeswor and Sangla, met there.

The drive led through the ancient Newar town of Tokha (or tu khya in Newari, translating to a sugarcane field which the city once boasted in abundance). History has it, Tokha was once an independent Kingdom called Jaipur (later Laxmipur).

If juju dhau (King of yogurt) brings Bhaktapur to mind, Tokha stands for chaku (molasses) production, a family heritage handed down through generations.

To the northwest of Jhor town, the Boudeswor shrine draws hordes of visitors who pay homage to Lord Shiva enshrined within a cave. The site crawls with weekend holidayers during monsoon months, lured by a massive waterfall that crashes down an enormous boulder. Shivapuri soars up in the northeast.

Jhor holds another charm for us—the leafy vegetables and cauliflower, fresh-picked before our eyes—Radhika loves them. Jhor also fascinates me as it has been a route for my cycling rides for over a decade. 

We were in for a big surprise when the lady sat on the bench across facing us. Although creases and crow’s feet appeared on her face, she looked hands down hale and hearty for her age—graceful, too. The sparkle in her eyes was remarkable. 

That brought to my mind the legendary Nepali marathoner, Baikuntha Manandhar, whom I met 40 years ago. I’d no idea he was Baikuntha, the ace runner.

He looked like a frail guy, almost sickly. But when our eyes locked, the sparkle in his eyes startled me, giving away his fine fettle and vitality.

When Radhika asked Kanchhi Adhikari what the grass load weighed like, she put it to over 30 kilos. No kidding! She did not even exhibit the beginning of a postural stoop associated with aging. 

As our conversation progressed, we learned she lived with her husband, aged 79—fighting fit like herself. Neither needed power glasses. Her next of kin included 18 family members with four great-grandchildren. 

Her daily chores included mopping up the house, cooking, and collecting grass for her cow. She had to heave the grass load almost two kilometers each day—summer or winter.

We asked her what she ate for her meals to keep her in such robust health. “Nothing special, the usual dal-bhat and milk from our cow. I gave up on meat some ten years ago as I lost most of my teeth.”

Then, Radhika and I gawked at her as she fished out a cigarette and lit it. We least expected a healthy elderly to smoke. “How long have you been smoking?” A curious Radhika asked. She said she picked up the habit when she was five.

“It all started when my dad asked me to prepare hookah for him. I’d always take the first few puffs before handing it to him. He explained it brought good fortune if a prepubescent girl did that.” That brought grins to our faces, including the teashop owner, Maiya Maharjan.

“How many cigarettes do you smoke a day?” Radhika asked, sounding disapproving. “A pack [20 sticks] a day for me and another pack for my husband,” she said. We stared at her incredulously.  

When asked if she or her husband had any underlying conditions, she told us she had mild hypertension and was on medication, but her Buda (husband) had none.

By the time we finished our tea, she had dragged on two cigarettes. After a brief chat, the graceful septuagenarian, Kanchhi, lugged the hefty load and bid us goodbye. On the whole, she had made our day—sure thing.

Caveat: Cigarette smoking is still injurious to health

Pangolins are among the most extensively traded animals in Southeast Asia mainly due to the perceived medicinal value of their scales and other body parts, putting them at high risk of poaching. However, little is known about their trade status in Nepal. Despite the ban on the international commercial trade of specimens by CITES, pangolins remain among the most trafficked mammal species. At a time when Nepal’s effort in protecting species like tigers and rhinos is getting global recognition, rampant poaching and illegal trade of equally important pangolin species threaten to undermine the country’s exalted conservation status.

Despite Nepal being home to two species of pangolins and sharing an international border with China, one of the world’s largest pangolin traders, there is little information on the extent of pangolin trafficking from Nepal. Additionally, there have been only few robust studies on illegal trafficking of pangolins in central Nepal. Although illegal wildlife trade of pangolin has received attention from the conservation perspective, there have been only a handful of studies on the root causes and socio-economic context influencing this activity. For instance, there is little factual information on the profiles and motivations of the perpetrators involved in illegal trafficking of pangolins, especially in central Nepal.

Recently I got to study the pangolin trade in Makwanpur district under the financial support of WWF Nepal (Hariyo Ban Program). The study was carried out in the Hetauda sub-metropolitan city and Makwanpurgadi rural municipality of Makwanpur district. Different indicators such as the presence of pangolin, anecdotal evidence such as seizure and arrest records on local and national newspapers as well as major markets were considered for selecting these municipalities as study areas.

Our study showed that most pangolin-kills were related to monetary benefits resulting from their supposed medicinal value. Locally, different parts of the pangolins are thought to have different curative properties. However, these social and cultural values ascribed to the mammals are suppressed by people’s monetary motivation. The minimum price of live pangolins and their scales in the Nepali market ranges between $7-12.5/kg for local hunters. The price doubles at every subsequent level of trade. And yet our study suggested that the pangolin population in Makwanpur district was actually increasing, perhaps owing to active involvement of police and concerned authority in controlling its trade. The National Park and Wildlife Conservation (NPWC) Act provisions for fines ranging from Rs 100,000–Rs 500,000 and/or 1-10 year jail for those involved in illegal wildlife trade. (But then we are in no position to say the same about other areas of Nepal.)

We identified hunting as the major threat to pangolins at the study sites. Locals use different techniques to hunt pangolins. The most common entails filling pangolin burrows with water and hitting them on the snout when they try to scramble out.

According to the information on trade routes provided by DPO, Makwanpur, poachers from each area use a different trade route but the final destination is mostly China. Most key informants also said that the country was the major market for the mammals taken out of Nepal. Illegal wildlife trade generally occurs through a complicated network of locations and routes where poachers of one village supply pangolins to poachers of another until it reaches the international border. Wildlife trafficking occurs through a mobile trade network with constantly shifting trade routes.

Currently, several remarkable attempts are being made for pangolin conservation in Nepal. A national pangolin workshop was organized by the government of Nepal to come up with a roadmap for conserving the country’s globally significant pangolin population. Similarly, a wide range of stakeholders from local pangolin experts to government officials are working together to develop a solid database on pangolins through intensive surveys. In addition, the Pangolin Conservation Action Plan for Nepal (2018-2022) aims to address the critical threats to pangolin conservation by developing appropriate conservation strategies and actions.

The forest department, wildlife conservation department, security forces and local conservation units have to actively network with the community to save the threatened pangolins. The capacity of the law-enforcement agencies and local people must also be significantly enhanced. Moreover, low levels of punishment and fines are only abetting the trade. Lastly, there is also a need for a more comprehensive study on pangolin trade originating in Nepal. There is not a second to waste in our quest to save this beautiful animal.

I am currently a student of wildlife pursuing my master’s degree in Wildlife Management and Biodiversity Conservation