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Have you ever made a choice that you regretted instantly because it didn’t align with how you saw yourself? Say, for instance, saying yes to a party with a friend when you have a work deadline to meet or spending more than your budget for the month. On the contrary, have you ever felt happy or encouraged to make a decision that reassured you of how you want to see or carry yourself? Say, for example, reading ten pages of a book or following a healthy diet. What do you think is common in both these things? Our values. Consciously or unconsciously, most of us make decisions or choices based on our values, i.e., things we consider valuable or important in life. When we don’t, we might feel discouraged, disappointed, surprised, or sometimes even angry at ourselves for not honoring ourselves. If values are so important, how often do we reflect on them or revisit them? If I say I value spending money wisely, but if I’m not tracking my expenses or budgeting my monthly expenditures, does spending money wisely really matter to me? Perhaps not. It's one thing to say that we value something, but it’s a different thing to live by it. Our values reflect in what we do, day in and day out. Unless what we say is aligned with our actions, choices, and habits, it doesn’t matter what we say. Values without translatable acts are just aspirations, and we can’t fulfill our aspirations without working toward them. Values also don’t have to be ambitious or grand. We can even live by one value (possibly more than that) which can help us navigate life when most things might be going wrong. It’s a matter of finding out what we consider valuable and letting them grow through us so that (with the help of our choices) we can become the kind of individuals we want to be and work on our desired identity. Let me share some of my examples for more clarity. I try to make my daily life choices based on six core values: choice, contribution, gratitude, listening, playfulness, and reflection. To exercise choice as a value, I think before saying yes to any pursuit or request. I’m also conscious of giving space to people to exercise their choices and not demand what they wouldn’t enjoy doing for me. I love contributing (to the people around me) anything, in any way, and that has helped me become a better version of myself and live my life more meaningfully. It could be facilitating sessions, sharing helpful posts on my Instagram stories or Twitter feed, or recommending a book that impacted me positively. I exercise gratitude when I thank people in my life sincerely for their time, efforts, and company. While gratitude may signal formality for many, for me, it’s a core value that helps me cherish my relationships with people and myself. I value listening by making space for people I’m close to and session participants at my workshops to express themselves vulnerably. Playfulness is another non-negotiable value that helps me anchor myself, find joy in everyday things and spark fun and connection in my relationships. I often make jokes and act silly with people I love. Reflection is a value that I try to incorporate in almost everything I do—such as journaling about my day, having a conversation with a loved one, making a life decision, trying to solve a problem I encounter, or developing a session. A great way to find out and reevaluate our values is to reflect on the kind of people we want to be. Instead of trying to nail a clear set of values straight on, we might want to begin by asking ourselves some reflective questions. Here are some questions that help me gather my thoughts and reflect on my values. For what am I grateful? Where does my attention get drawn quickly? What can I not function without? To what do I enjoy dedicating my time? What do I appreciate in the people around me? In what am I mostly involved? What gives me the energy to carry on with my day? What kind of relationships do I cherish the most? What is it that I can’t separate from my identity? What gives me joy? What adds value to my life? What do I consider worth struggling for? What’s my go-to? What gives my life meaning? We can always find sustainable ways to live by our values. To do so, we must figure out what we consider valuable first. When we start questioning ourselves, we start evaluating where we stand at present, whether our choices are helping or hurting us, and how the things we value today will shape our tomorrow. We might not find the answers right away but perhaps we can arrive at better questions. As Nancy Willard says, “Answers are closed rooms, and questions are open doors that invite us.” So, let’s reflect. Let’s ask ourselves some meaningful questions to find out what we value and understand how our choices can be embedded in them. The author is the linchpin at My Emotions Matter, an education initiative that helps individuals and teams learn the mindset and skills of Emotional Intelligence. You can learn more at myemotionsmatter.com

Cooped up at home for weeks, I and my cycling mate Shishir decided to embark on a long ride to Melamchi. Bearing in mind the sudden flare-up of Covid-19 in Kathmandu, Shishir proposed an ingenious plan—bike-packing. It meant skipping hotels, sleeping in a tent, and cooking our meals for the evening. The route we chose was the Sankhu-Jaharsingh Pauwa. The weather was favorable. But it soon got a tad warm for comfort as we huffed up several steep climbs after Gokarna. The Sankhu road, since my last visit five years ago, had improved and widened, but some sections still begged completion. Like the good old days, the sweeping expanses of rice fields clung to the sprawling Manohara banks; the river still looked virgin. Today, it is a different story altogether. The Manohara banks in the urban sprawl crawl with houses, factories, slums and mountains of trash. Oddly, the lush forested hills of Telkot appeared well-preserved and denser. In a little over two hours, we arrived at Sankhu. We pedaled smack through the heart of the old city—rather, what remained of it. Concrete structures had replaced the traditional red-brick and tile-roofed houses—the last vestiges of the ancient Newar settlement, also called Shankharapur, for being shaped like a Sankha (conch). As we headed out to Lapsifedi, the burbling Shali Nadi, next to the road, tumbled and weaved over rocks and through massive boulders, winding down south across terraced rice fields, almost ready for harvesting and flowering mustard. The lush forested hills soared high to both the east and the north. After Lapsifedi, we struck off to Jaharsingh Pauwa, an eight-kilometer grueling climb across thinning habitation and a beautiful temperate broadleaved forest. In about two hours, we reached Jaharsing Pauwa (pauwa translates to a resting place). Amidst many eateries that lined the town square, we ducked into an empty one, with the owner, a woman, and her son (sans masks) as the only occupants. We went for dal-bhat. Starved, we ate like pigs. Following a good fill and a brief rest, we hit the dirt road that headed north to Nangle. The east ran to Kattike Bhanjhyang and Nagarkot. Jaharsing Pauwa (1,792m) cradled a ridge that dropped in the east to a deep, narrow valley with terraced rice fields, rising again to the forested hills of Nagarkot. Downhill riding is fun, but it has its downsides, too. The constant bucking on the uneven, pitted off-road made my arms ache. After a three-hour free-wheeling downhill, we arrived at the highway town, Bahune Pati. Following some refreshments, we left for Melamchi. In the distance, down a ridge to our right, we could see the blue waters of Indrawati. The meandering river kept us company from thereon. The piddling six km to Melamchi Pul (bridge) bazaar seemed like infinity. Darkness closed in, and we switched on the lights; my cyclometer logged the distance of 65 km. Things can get trickier after dark. Done with shopping for rice, dal, and vegetables for supper, Shishir seemed disoriented about the route to the riverside. After 15 minutes of drifting around aimlessly, we ran into a local chap, who helped us with the direction. We had to cross a suspension bridge over the Melamchi River to a small settlement called Dobhantar. After another 20 minutes of fumbling down a darkened slope, Shishir stopped. The river seemed close, as it sounded louder. We had made it to the campsite. A little downriver, Melamchi met the larger, snow-fed Indrawati. It took me by surprise as I looked up. We were right under the hanging bridge we had just crossed, outlined in the darkness against the sky. Melamchi rushed by at a spitting distance, the interminable rumble quite pronounced. We had our jobs designated. Within a half-hour, Shshir had the tent pitched and finished fetching water from the river. I set up the kitchen and the saucepan on the portable stove with a mix of rice and dal khichadi. I buried myself then in chopping potatoes and cabbage for the curry. After the khichadi, I set a pan on the stove and began sautéing the potatoes and onions. Then disaster struck! I was about to stir the vegetable when the pan tipped and flipped face down flat on the sandy turf. I froze, and so did Shishir. There goes our curry, I said, and swore like mad. Seconds elapsed before I sprang into action—scooped up the spilled lot, tossed it into a pot, and asked Shishir to pour water to rinse it. After a thorough job, I re-sauteed it and added the chopped cabbage—mighty sure the curry would be gritty and pathetic. You’ll never guess! The curry could not have tasted better without the slightest hint of sand! Shishir and I doubled up with laughter until our bellies ached. Melamchi joined in with a profound resonance. [email protected]

Have you ever had a deadline approaching, but instead of completing your work, you binged on a Netflix series for hours? Did you ever resolve to patch up with a friend after an argument but ignore them instead because you thought, “why should I be the one to call first?” Did you ever want to start a personal project you were rather passionate about but could never bring yourself to begin working on it out of fear of people’s invalidation or possible judgments? In all these situations, you may experience a barrage of unpleasant emotions like frustration, panic, sadness, disappointment, hurt, anger, and regret, among others. These emotions, if unmanaged, can make things worse. So, what should we do then? Having three fundamental principles in mind can help us identify, manage, and understand our emotions. Principle #1: At any moment, we’re trying to meet universal, all-inclusive needs (for example, needs like physical safety, emotional support, respect, peace, learning, contribution, etc.). Principle #2: Our emotions hint whether those needs are met or unmet (for example, anger, disgust, joy, calmness, frustration, relief, etc.). Principle #3: Everything we do with our actions (our body) is an attempt to meet our underlying needs (for example, talking, remaining silent, eating, running, etc.). An understanding we can derive from these principles is that all actions, no matter what, or even inactions, are attempts to meet needs. Whether we fulfill those needs or not, we will know by the emotion we feel at any moment. For example, if we feel angry at ourselves for watching Netflix instead of completing work in face of an approaching deadline, we might feel frustrated or even panic-stricken. These emotions indicate that even though watching Netflix may have helped fulfill our needs for entertainment and refreshment, our needs for order, punctuality, and contribution remain unfulfilled. Most of the time, instead of addressing our feelings (especially when we experience unpleasant ones) and identifying the underlying needs behind those feelings, we either go numb or act out, which are unhealthy mechanisms to deal with our emotions. Ranjitha Jeurkar, a Bangalore-based Nonviolent Communication Trainer, explains what we can do instead, with the help of an analogy: When the lights [in your car dashboard] blink, you don’t shut off the lights. It’s a clue for you to look for something else in the car that needs your attention. For instance, if your fuel [indicator] is lit—that [tells] your tank is nearing empty, and your car needs more fuel. It’s a very similar [case] with our feelings. Instead of rushing to shut them down [especially unpleasant feelings], we can pause for a moment and try and look at what needs our feelings [tell] us about. The problem isn’t our feelings. They are indicators of something else [which] is working or not working within us [which are our needs]. When we fail to see the relationship between our needs, emotions, and actions, what we do is often contrary to what we need. Let’s consider a few examples. We need clarity when learning something new, but we remain silent when the teacher/facilitator asks if we have a question. We want people to hear and understand us, but we shout at them to convey this. We want to build confidence but choose not to speak up in team discussions. We long for connection but refrain from reaching out first. We need rest, but we end up browsing our social media feeds for two hours at bedtime. Do any of these examples resonate with you? Think of a recent time when you tried to meet one or more of your needs through a particular action. Did that action take you closer to attaining your need or away from it? Emotional Intelligence is being smarter with feelings. If we are aware of our needs, we give ourselves a better shot at meeting those needs. And a helpful way to meet those needs is to identify what those needs are. The first step toward that is to be aware of our feelings. When we react blindly to our emotional states (by trying to chase pleasant emotions and run away from unpleasant ones), we might take hurtful actions instead of helpful ones. A simple framework to make sure we are not hurting our chances of meeting our needs is to think in terms of the ABC checkpoints, which are: Avoiding: Are we avoiding taking responsibility to meet our needs? Blaming: Are we blaming ourselves or others instead of working to meet our needs? Complaining: Are we looking to justify ourselves rather than seeking a solution for our needs? Avoiding, blaming, and complaining are a few indicators of unmet needs but suboptimal strategies to meet those very needs. So, try to ask yourself often: How am I feeling? What needs are those feelings indicating? What action(s) would help? The author is the linchpin at My Emotions Matter, an education initiative that helps individuals and teams learn the mindset and skills of Emotional Intelligence. You can learn more at myemotionsmatter.com

Following a series of high-level visits by US officials, it is now time for neighboring countries to send their emissaries. Indian Foreign Secretary Vinay Mohan Kwatra is set to arrive in Kathmandu on Monday on a three-day official visit. According to reports, he will hand over Prime Minister Narendra Modi's invitation to Prime Minister Pushpa Kamal Dahal for an official visit to India. This trip is significant since Prime Minister Dahal earlier said his first foreign trip will be to India. After Dahal became prime minister, the US initiated  a series of diplomatic visits to Nepal. Samantha Power, the head of the US Agency for International Development (USAID), was in Kathmandu on February 7-8. Before her came Victoria Nuland, the US Undersecretary of State for Political Affairs. According to reports, two other high-ranking US officials are expected to make trips to Nepal in the near future. These visits demonstrate the US' policy of ''shuttle diplomacy'' in Nepal. Diplomatic visits play a crucial role in fostering positive relationships between countries and improving bilateral cooperation on various fronts. They help build a platform for political, economic and cultural exchanges, which further strengthen the ties between nations. Diplomatic visits are an essential aspect of effective international relations and can have a significant impact on the development and prosperity of countries like Nepal. Frequent visits from the US and neighboring countries demonstrate their interest in the affairs of Nepal and their willingness to work toward mutually beneficial solutions at the surface. These visits as such provide opportunities for leaders to engage in discussions on key issues, explore new areas of cooperation, and establish a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Nepal's location between two large and powerful countries, India and China, presents both opportunities and challenges for the country. On one hand, having close relations with both the countries can provide economic, political, and strategic leverage for Nepal. On the other, balancing relations between the two major powers can be a delicate task, which, if not handled carefully, can lead to negative consequences. No doubt, Nepal's foreign policy has prioritized India and China, but it is also important to maintain relations with other friendly countries and entities, such as the US and the European Union. It is notable that after Nepal’s parliament endorsed the US’ Millennium Challenge Corporation (MCC), the US has further intensified its activities in Nepal, under which more financial support has been committed. The evidence is Power’s announcement of $60m assistance to Nepal this past week. Leaving aside the strategic element, it underscores the US' commitment to supporting Nepal's efforts to strengthen its institutions and promote economic growth. Strategic goals are obviously pursued during such visits, which need a high level of confidence. As Nepal witnessed a dramatic power shift that kept the Nepali Congress out of power, the US may have experienced political shock, raising doubts over the commitment of the Nepali Congress-led government under Sher Bahadur Deuba. These hasty visits demonstrated Washington’s willingness to engage with the new government like its predecessor. Another reason is linked to the global ambition of the US to rule the world unilaterally, without any challenge from other power/s.  The US' Indo-Pacific Strategy is centered on containing China's rise and maintaining the regional balance of power. By engaging with Nepal, the US may hope to counterbalance China's growing influence in the region and secure its own strategic interests. But Nepal has a principled position of not allowing the use of Nepali territory against any neighbor/friendly country. All political parties and governments have taken ownership of this policy. One thing appears to be self-evident in this: Nepal is likely to experience geopolitical shocks in coming years. China is not the same as it was a decade ago. It has used "wolf-warrior diplomacy," aiming to strike at the head of any power, including the US, when it feels threatened. China's designation as a "peer rival" of America by the US authorities reflects Beijing's rising involvement in global politics and diplomacy. Therefore, Nepal must execute its principled policy of non-alignment effectively by keeping external pressures at bay. Washington's recent actions in Nepal have prompted new responses from India and China. Both nations have reached out to Prime Minister Dahal, conveying their readiness to collaborate with Nepal's new administration. India and China have taken equal steps in this regard. Against this backdrop, Indian Foreign Secretary Kwatra, who was in charge of the Nepal mission before his elevation, is visiting Nepal.  Kwatra will have extensive discussions with Nepali government officials and leaders of major parties on various issues. As Napoleon Bonaparte once said, the policy of a state lies in its geography. This maxim is relevant even today. Nepal's relations with India and China cannot be compared with any other friendly country. The dynamics of Nepal-India relations cannot even be compared with Nepal-China relations.  The Prime Minister should assure India that his government will maintain cordial relations that baseless pretexts won’t come in the way of bilateral relations. Nepal should raise genuine issues related to the border and facilitation of bilateral trade and economic cooperation.  A high-level visit from China is sure to take place in the coming months and the Prime Minister will be invited to visit the northern neighbor. With China also, Nepal should articulate its priorities and try to address the genuine issues of China.