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My parents divorced before I turned ten, and my father was mostly absent from my life. Recently, he tried to reconnect, promising to support my future, but I fear he might abandon me again. This lingering hurt creates a barrier between us, built from years of disappointment. I’m torn between giving him a chance and protecting myself from potential hurt. Should I rebuild our relationship or keep my guard up?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Despite the challenging circumstances, you have bravely shared your feelings, and I’m grateful that you have taken this important step towards seeking help. Many people go through similar emotions due to factors like parental absence and emotional distance during their childhood and it’s natural to want to protect yourself.

Psychologically, this fear of abandonment and hesitancy to form attachments is a common struggle, particularly among those whose parents have divorced. Rest assured that you aren’t alone in feeling this way. Many people face these same fears.

Developing self-awareness is a key step in your healing journey. You can begin with self-reflection and introspection, in order to understand your needs, for instance start by journaling about yourself, your expectations from your father, the possibility of reconnecting, and what triggers you emotionally. This will help you gain clarity and understand the root of your fears and desires.

Prioritizing self-care is essential. Engage in activities that nurture your well-being, such as journaling or exercise. When you’re facing challenges, focusing on self-care is a way to support yourself through those tough times.

After delving into self-care, communication emerges as another crucial aspect for you to address. The prospect of reconnecting may evoke confusion and uncertainty due to a fear of being abandoned again. To address these concerns, it’s important to have an open conversation with your father about your expectations, emphasizing the need for consistency. Be honest in all forms of communication with your father to establish realistic expectations.

Naturally, resolving things won’t happen instantly. After sincere communication, gradual reconnection is vital. Take small steps to build your relationship by observing your father’s consistency and efforts. As you start to feel trust, through activities like meetups and phone calls, your bond with him will gradually strengthen.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by these new experiences, it’s perfectly acceptable to seek therapeutic support. Therapists can provide coping strategies and assist you in making decisions, offering valuable help during this process.

The choice to reconnect or remain guarded is entirely yours, based on what feels right for you. Trust your instincts, focus on awareness, emotional healing, communication, and take things one step at a time.

I’m 48 years old. My entire life has been dedicated to caring for my in-laws, husband, and children. Despite all my efforts to keep them happy, my husband cheated on me with someone much younger. I feel lost and broken. It’s been 8 months since I found out, but I still can’t forget what happened. Despite his apologies, the pain lingers, and I struggle with anxiety and fear. I feel trapped in this situation because I care deeply about my children. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I truly understand that as responsible parents in a long-term relationship, facing betrayal or infidelity at the age of 48, especially when there are children involved, is incredibly painful. It can leave you feeling lost, broken, and overwhelmed with emotions such as anxiety, sadness, and stress. It’s entirely understandable to feel this way. Recognizing and acknowledging these emotions can be very helpful.

Healing from infidelity is a gradual process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Carefully consider your options. Ultimately, the decision to stay in the marriage or pursue a different path depends on what you think is best for you and your children in the long run.

Start by practicing self-compassion and kindness toward yourself. Understand that you are going through a difficult time, and even if there is no one to share your burden, you can help yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy. It could be yoga, meditation, spending time in nature, listening to music, journaling, or anything that helps to cheer you up. Be there for yourself—self-love and compassion matters most at this stage.

Another thing to follow is to set clear and distinct boundaries. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly. If both of you are willing, consider seeking couple’s therapy to work on rebuilding trust. Communication is key. If you find it difficult to communicate directly with your husband, try discussing your feelings with close friends or family members. Sharing things helps to get perspective and validation as well as find the way forward. 

If you are struggling, consider seeking support from a qualified professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Therapeutic support provides a safe space to process emotions, gain insight into your feelings, develop coping strategies, and navigate challenging situations. Remember, you deserve to be happy and respected in your relationship. There are ways to work on it and, if needed, we are here to help you through this difficult time.

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions recently. Growing up at the orphanage, she seemed like family, even though we weren’t very close. When I learned of her suicide, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt an enormous loss while also feeling angry at her for abandoning us. Strangely, I couldn’t cry. Then the panic episodes began—twice now—making me feel as if I can’t catch my breath. To make matters worse, her family members turned up at the orphanage, blaming us and demanding legal action. At 21, I feel lost. It’s like everything is spiraling out of control, and I don’t know how to cope. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Navigating the loss of a loved one, especially under such complex circumstances, can be challenging and overwhelming. As you struggle with the grief and emotional turmoil that comes when someone dies by suicide, it’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.

Acknowledging and processing your experience is important. You can do this by writing down your thoughts on paper or communicating with loved ones which can provide comfort. Openly expressing emotions in writing can help understand experiences and initiate awareness and healing.

First, recognize the complexities of your emotions, particularly in stressful situations. Recognize that it’s common to experience a variety of emotions, including sadness, rage, and numbness, especially while coping with bereavement or difficult situations. Understanding and embracing these sensations without judgment is critical to beginning the healing process.

Grief may be overwhelming, and you may need further help from a therapist or grief counselor. These specialists can provide assistance and tools for managing loss, as well as a safe environment for you to express your feelings and progress through the grieving process at your own speed. They can also provide coping methods to assist you overcome the difficulties of grieving and achieve a sense of calm and acceptance.

To manage panic attacks, develop coping mechanisms like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and muscle relaxation. Engage in self-care activities like exercise, sleep, and healthy eating to support overall well-being and reduce the frequency and intensity of panic attacks.

If you’re struggling with complex emotions or finding it challenging to manage on your own, seek professional help from mental health professionals like therapists or counselors. They offer personalized support, coping strategies, and a non-judgmental space for exploring your feelings and working towards healing and growth.

I’ve been in a relationship for a year now. Initially, my partner treated me well, but over time, his behavior has changed. He uses vulgar language, goes out with other girls without telling me, and is manipulative. He makes it hard for me to break things off. His actions haunt me, and I feel trapped. I feel like he will change every time he asks for forgiveness. I know I could be headed for trouble if I stay with him any longer, but I can’t seem to break free. There’s something keeping me attached to him, and it’s overwhelming. Please help me understand why I feel this way and how can I overcome it?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

It’s good that you are aware of the situation you are in and aren’t making excuses for him. You’re grappling with a complex and distressing situation in your relationship so it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and safety above all else. Understanding why you feel attached to your partner despite the toxicity can provide insights into your emotional experiences and pave the way for healing and growth.

First and foremost, let’s start by recognizing patterns in your relationship. Take a step back and reflect on the dynamics. Identify any patterns of behaviors or thought processes that contribute to feeling trapped or your inability to break free. Awareness of these patterns is the first step toward initiating change.

Next, explore the underlying factors behind your attachment to your partner, even in the face of harmful behavior. It’s common for individuals in toxic relationships to experience feelings of attachment stemming from factors such as fear of loneliness, low self-esteem, or past trauma. Understanding these underlying factors can help us address them more effectively.

Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your emotional well-being and safety. You have to establish clear boundaries with your partner. Communicate your needs and expectations assertively, and be prepared to enforce consequences if these boundaries are violated. Remember that prioritizing your boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s essential for self-preservation and growth.

I encourage you to invest time and energy into activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental health. Engage in self-care practices such as exercise, mindfulness meditation, creative outlets, or spending time with supportive individuals who uplift and empower you.

You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and dignity in your relationships. While breaking free from a toxic relationship can be challenging, it’s a courageous step toward reclaiming your autonomy.

Feel free to reach out to trusted friends, family members, for support and guidance. Opening up about your experiences can provide validation, perspective, and practical advice for navigating the complexities of your situation. If it feels impossible to get out of the situation you should consider consulting a mental health professional. S/he will be able to help you develop coping strategies and explore healthier relationship dynamics.