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I’m 48 years old. My entire life has been dedicated to caring for my in-laws, husband, and children. Despite all my efforts to keep them happy, my husband cheated on me with someone much younger. I feel lost and broken. It’s been 8 months since I found out, but I still can’t forget what happened. Despite his apologies, the pain lingers, and I struggle with anxiety and fear. I feel trapped in this situation because I care deeply about my children. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I truly understand that as responsible parents in a long-term relationship, facing betrayal or infidelity at the age of 48, especially when there are children involved, is incredibly painful. It can leave you feeling lost, broken, and overwhelmed with emotions such as anxiety, sadness, and stress. It’s entirely understandable to feel this way. Recognizing and acknowledging these emotions can be very helpful.

Healing from infidelity is a gradual process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Carefully consider your options. Ultimately, the decision to stay in the marriage or pursue a different path depends on what you think is best for you and your children in the long run.

Start by practicing self-compassion and kindness toward yourself. Understand that you are going through a difficult time, and even if there is no one to share your burden, you can help yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy. It could be yoga, meditation, spending time in nature, listening to music, journaling, or anything that helps to cheer you up. Be there for yourself—self-love and compassion matters most at this stage.

Another thing to follow is to set clear and distinct boundaries. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly. If both of you are willing, consider seeking couple’s therapy to work on rebuilding trust. Communication is key. If you find it difficult to communicate directly with your husband, try discussing your feelings with close friends or family members. Sharing things helps to get perspective and validation as well as find the way forward. 

If you are struggling, consider seeking support from a qualified professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Therapeutic support provides a safe space to process emotions, gain insight into your feelings, develop coping strategies, and navigate challenging situations. Remember, you deserve to be happy and respected in your relationship. There are ways to work on it and, if needed, we are here to help you through this difficult time.

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions recently. Growing up at the orphanage, she seemed like family, even though we weren’t very close. When I learned of her suicide, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt an enormous loss while also feeling angry at her for abandoning us. Strangely, I couldn’t cry. Then the panic episodes began—twice now—making me feel as if I can’t catch my breath. To make matters worse, her family members turned up at the orphanage, blaming us and demanding legal action. At 21, I feel lost. It’s like everything is spiraling out of control, and I don’t know how to cope. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Navigating the loss of a loved one, especially under such complex circumstances, can be challenging and overwhelming. As you struggle with the grief and emotional turmoil that comes when someone dies by suicide, it’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.

Acknowledging and processing your experience is important. You can do this by writing down your thoughts on paper or communicating with loved ones which can provide comfort. Openly expressing emotions in writing can help understand experiences and initiate awareness and healing.

First, recognize the complexities of your emotions, particularly in stressful situations. Recognize that it’s common to experience a variety of emotions, including sadness, rage, and numbness, especially while coping with bereavement or difficult situations. Understanding and embracing these sensations without judgment is critical to beginning the healing process.

Grief may be overwhelming, and you may need further help from a therapist or grief counselor. These specialists can provide assistance and tools for managing loss, as well as a safe environment for you to express your feelings and progress through the grieving process at your own speed. They can also provide coping methods to assist you overcome the difficulties of grieving and achieve a sense of calm and acceptance.

To manage panic attacks, develop coping mechanisms like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and muscle relaxation. Engage in self-care activities like exercise, sleep, and healthy eating to support overall well-being and reduce the frequency and intensity of panic attacks.

If you’re struggling with complex emotions or finding it challenging to manage on your own, seek professional help from mental health professionals like therapists or counselors. They offer personalized support, coping strategies, and a non-judgmental space for exploring your feelings and working towards healing and growth.

I’ve been in a relationship for a year now. Initially, my partner treated me well, but over time, his behavior has changed. He uses vulgar language, goes out with other girls without telling me, and is manipulative. He makes it hard for me to break things off. His actions haunt me, and I feel trapped. I feel like he will change every time he asks for forgiveness. I know I could be headed for trouble if I stay with him any longer, but I can’t seem to break free. There’s something keeping me attached to him, and it’s overwhelming. Please help me understand why I feel this way and how can I overcome it?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

It’s good that you are aware of the situation you are in and aren’t making excuses for him. You’re grappling with a complex and distressing situation in your relationship so it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and safety above all else. Understanding why you feel attached to your partner despite the toxicity can provide insights into your emotional experiences and pave the way for healing and growth.

First and foremost, let’s start by recognizing patterns in your relationship. Take a step back and reflect on the dynamics. Identify any patterns of behaviors or thought processes that contribute to feeling trapped or your inability to break free. Awareness of these patterns is the first step toward initiating change.

Next, explore the underlying factors behind your attachment to your partner, even in the face of harmful behavior. It’s common for individuals in toxic relationships to experience feelings of attachment stemming from factors such as fear of loneliness, low self-esteem, or past trauma. Understanding these underlying factors can help us address them more effectively.

Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your emotional well-being and safety. You have to establish clear boundaries with your partner. Communicate your needs and expectations assertively, and be prepared to enforce consequences if these boundaries are violated. Remember that prioritizing your boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s essential for self-preservation and growth.

I encourage you to invest time and energy into activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental health. Engage in self-care practices such as exercise, mindfulness meditation, creative outlets, or spending time with supportive individuals who uplift and empower you.

You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and dignity in your relationships. While breaking free from a toxic relationship can be challenging, it’s a courageous step toward reclaiming your autonomy.

Feel free to reach out to trusted friends, family members, for support and guidance. Opening up about your experiences can provide validation, perspective, and practical advice for navigating the complexities of your situation. If it feels impossible to get out of the situation you should consider consulting a mental health professional. S/he will be able to help you develop coping strategies and explore healthier relationship dynamics.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m losing control of my mind. I’m 22 and I can’t seem to remember things I’ve done just moments ago. It’s very hard to keep up with college stuff, and I’m even considering dropping out, but I’m trying my best as I’m in my final year. Even simple tasks feel difficult to focus on. I’m so scared of what might happen if things get worse. Forgetting important things in life is my biggest fear right now. I’m trying my best, but it feels like nothing’s working. It’s not that I completely forget, but it takes a long time to remember things. What can I do?

Answered by Tashi Gurung, counseling psychologist

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It sounds extremely difficult and understandably frightening to feel like you’re losing control of your mind, especially at such a young age. I appreciate that you’re reaching out for support and sharing what you are going through.

I’m curious as to whether you’ve faced this before as a child too. You mentioned taking a long time to remember stuff. It might be a difference in learning styles: visual learners tend to absorb information through visual cues, rather than verbal or written. When a visual learner wants to take in information through writing, that’s where the difficulty might lie. Knowing your learning style can also be a good way to start getting more clarity.

You might have heard about mnemonics? When we create associations between new information and existing knowledge or experiences, it becomes easier to remember. For example, “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Noodles” is a very common example used to remember the order of the planets in the solar system (Mercury, Venus, and so on).

Chunking can also be very helpful. I used it a lot as a student, breaking down large amounts of information into smaller, more manageable chunks. If I have to remember a large number, let’s say, 456345123, it’s much easier to remember three chunks of numbers as 456-345-123. This makes the information more digestible and easier to remember.

You can also try spacing out your study time to reinforce memory retention. Even a short break of 10 to 15 minutes can help your brain consolidate the information more effectively. Also, try your best to limit distractions while studying or trying to remember information. Having a quiet, comfortable space can do wonders to focus your full attention on the task at hand.

Also, I wanted to ask: Are you feeling stressed? How is your sleep? Do you feel you are doing ok mentally? Memory and concentration issues tend to be associated with a lot of factors, especially mental health issues. Aim for at least seven to nine hours of sleep every night to optimize your brain’s ability to retain and recall information. If you’re experiencing stress, practicing stress relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and improve focus.

Please remember that everyone’s memory works differently, and it’s normal to take longer to remember certain things than others. Be patient with yourself and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you. If you continue to struggle with memory issues despite trying these strategies, please consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional for further support.