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My ex-partner was toxic and manipulative. His behaviors blurred the line between love and control, and despite differences in religion, I defended him against my family. However, things became extreme and he started scaring me. His actions, including repeated cheating, became aggressive and frightening. He emotionally tortured me and even resorted to physical force. Eventually, I found the courage to end it. 

I’m 24. Today, I’m in a relationship with a man who treats me well. However, the lingering trust issues from my past haunt me, causing anxiety. I acknowledge that it’s unfair not to trust my current partner, but the scars of my past continue to affect my present relationship. How do I overcome the trauma?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health 

Overcoming such a toxic relationship requires both time and intentional effort. I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you experienced, and I acknowledge the courage it took for you to share your experience.

The first step is to acknowledge your feelings. Recognize that having trust issues is normal, and allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment. Would you consider journaling your thoughts and feelings? Doing so can provide emotional awareness regarding your stressors or triggers. Journaling serves as a therapeutic method to process your emotions and track your progress throughout the journey. It may help you gain a different perspective and think outside the box.

Secondly, engaging in open communication opens the door for understanding. Talk to someone trustworthy, it doesn’t necessarily have to be your current partner, but choose someone you feel is reliable. It’s crucial to share and vent your feelings, fostering a sense of release and connection during the healing process. Expressing yourself can be a vital step towards gaining support and navigating through the emotional complexities of recovery.

Also, engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself. Reflect on your growth and resilience, acknowledging the progress you’ve made. As you transition, it’s essential to recognize and appreciate your journey. Reflecting on your growth and resilience can serve as a source of strength and motivation as you continue moving forward. Acknowledge the strength it took to live through a toxic relationship and appreciate the progress you have made. Recognizing that you’ve moved beyond the confines of that relationship to be here today is a significant achievement. Celebrate the fact that you’ve chosen a path towards healing and growth, and embrace the positive changes you’ve implemented in your life. 

About the present, understanding patterns can empower you to recognize similar situations and navigate them more effectively. It’s crucial to comprehend that trust is built over time, and having realistic expectations for both yourself and your partner is essential. Recognize that not everything can be erased from your mind instantly. Building trust is a journey, not an instantaneous destination. Focus on building self-confidence and self-worth, recognizing that you are going through a challenging time. Engage in self-care, surround yourself with positive influences, and seek out uplifting experiences. Practice self-compassion and avoid self-blame.

Healing is a unique journey for each individual, so it’s perfectly okay to seek professional support. Professional assistance in self-care paves the way for a brighter and healthier future. It’s important to understand that the healing process takes time. By reaching out to professionals, you equip yourself with valuable tools and guidance, creating a supportive environment that facilitates personal growth and recovery. Remember, investing in your mental well-being is a worthwhile endeavor on the path to a more fulfilling and resilient life.

I’m 25 years old and have just completed my bachelor’s degree. I’m currently looking for a job. I realize acquiring additional skills could have made my job search easier and quicker. My parents compare me with other people’s children and that is affecting my mental health. Despite putting in my best effort and working on self-improvement, the pressure from my family members overwhelms me. Due to budget constraints, I can’t spend quality time with friends, who mostly come from more financially privileged backgrounds. I find it challenging to understand why achieving goals is so difficult for someone like me who comes from a modest background.

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Firstly, Congratulations on completing your bachelor’s degree. It’s important to acknowledge your hard work and dedication, even when it gets challenging. 

Navigating family expectations is a common experience. It often leads to delays in career and personality development. It’s important to remember that everybody’s journey is unique and minimize comparison with others. Having an honest chat with your family is crucial. Let them know how their behavior is affecting you, creating a space for understanding and support. This step can contribute to fostering a healthier environment for personal and professional growth. 

Social comparison sometimes leads to social isolation, particularly when comparing oneself to individuals from financially stable backgrounds. Instead of prioritizing the number of friends, it is more beneficial to focus on building connections based on shared values and interests. True friendships come from sharing experiences and understanding each other, not from comparing financial stability. Instead of comparing yourself to others, consider comparing your current self with your past self.

You are worthy enough, you have to start believing in yourself. Achieving goals is a subjective matter, and your family background might not be the only reason why you are unable to achieve them. Other barriers might be at play. Your effort and progress are commendable, so it’s important to recognize and celebrate your small accomplishments as well.

If it’s challenging to achieve your goal, you can break down the goal into smaller, more manageable steps, making it easier to achieve them gradually. There are low-cost opportunities for skill development, such as online courses, workshops, and networking events.

If you are working on those aspects and find that life is still challenging, consider seeking support. Seeking support involves having open conversations with your family members, and discussing feelings and emotions. If you feel overwhelmed, helpless, or like nobody understands you, it might be a good idea to visit a mental health professional. They can provide valuable coping strategies, a safe space for self-reflection, and assistance in exploring emotions.

While dealing with substance abuse, I often ponder over how seeking support for my mental health can contribute to understanding and addressing the roots of my addictive behavior. If I seek help from professionals, will I find a treatment plan tailored to my needs and help me in my struggles with addiction?

Answered by Rishav Koirala, researcher and psychiatrist

Collaborating with healthcare professionals becomes a cornerstone in tailoring a comprehensive treatment plan that extends beyond immediate challenges, delving into the deeper, underlying factors influencing struggles and helping the sufferer through the long journey of abstinence and instances of relapses. This collaborative effort involves a detailed methodology encompassing a comprehensive assessment, identification of triggers, exploration of any co-existing mental health issues, and prevention of relapse. 

In addiction, the pursuit of pleasure frequently becomes a driving force, leading to a quest for understanding the reasons behind substance reliance. Acknowledging resulting harmful behaviors and health issues requires a multifaceted approach. Utilizing established psychotherapy techniques such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness is pivotal in reshaping the connection between pleasure and substance use. 

The whole medical treatment process can be divided into two phases. The first phase of detoxification addresses the symptoms of withdrawal such as sleep disturbances, anxiety, physical pain, and related issues. The second phase is relapse prevention. The use of medications helps in the prevention of relapses as well as halts a person’s further deterioration when s/he relapses.

The adoption of a two-phase treatment approach, starting with stabilization and transitioning to maintenance, ensures a thorough strategy addressing both immediate challenges and the deeper roots of addictive behaviors. A huge percentage of people dealing with addiction also have mental health issues both due to the direct effect of the psychoactive substance and due to the life they are living due to addiction. These issues cause problems when one wants to come out of addiction.

Without addressing mental health issues, coming out of addiction is difficult. Mental health professionals help in this regard too.This holistic methodology involves ongoing follow-up and a steadfast commitment to preventing relapse, fostering collaboration between individuals and healthcare professionals throughout the journey of recovery.

The next step is involving and educating family members in the recovery process. Open communication becomes essential, allowing for honest discussions about the challenges and goals of the individual struggling with addiction. Mental health professionals address addiction as a psychosocial issue and address this component with equal importance.

Addressing harmful behavior and illness requires a meticulous examination of the consequences of addictive behavior on physical and mental health. Implementing harm reduction strategies becomes a crucial aspect of mitigating negative impacts during the recovery process. This approach, which goes beyond a focus solely on abstinence, includes education on safer use practices and the provision of resources to promote healthier behaviors.

I’m a 15-year-old girl and I must admit that I’m very lazy. I put things off till the last minute and sometimes don’t even do important tasks. This makes me look bad at school and people don’t trust me when I say I will do something. I want to change but I have no motivation whatsoever. I just want to sleep or watch TV all the time. Please help.

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health 

In the journey of cultivating a positive mindset, it’s vital to integrate practices that foster self-compassion and understanding. When reflecting on your emotions, practice self-compassion by acknowledging that facing challenges is a universal part of life; it’s entirely okay to experience them. This approach helps create a space for acceptance and growth, recognizing that emotions, including those tied to demotivation, are natural aspects of the human experience.

As you move forward and seek healing through the process, extend the same kindness to yourself that you would offer to a friend facing similar challenges. Celebrate your strengths and acknowledge the progress you make, emphasizing the positive steps you take on your journey. This self-celebration contributes to building a nurturing environment, fostering resilience and self-love.

When exploring the causes of demotivation, maintain a gentle curiosity. Adopting this approach allows you to understand the factors at play without engaging in self-blame. By focusing on understanding rather than judgment, you pave the way for a constructive analysis that can lead to effective solutions.

Crafting a daily routine is an additional facet of fostering a positive mindset. In your routine, incorporate self-care activities such as mindfulness, exercise, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy. Prioritize your mental and emotional well-being, recognizing that a balanced routine contributes significantly to overall positivity and motivation.

By intertwining these practices of self-compassion, a celebration of progress, curiosity, and a mindful routine into your journey, you lay the groundwork for a positive mindset. Remember, each step you take in this direction contributes not only to personal growth but also to increased resilience and motivation in both academic and personal pursuits.