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I’m a 30-year-old woman and I have trouble managing my emotions. I get hurt easily and I tend to lash out and say mean things in response. I get angry often and that too at the drop of a hat. I want to control myself but I’m easily agitated. What can I do to manage my emotions better and not react to everything that happens in a negative way?  

Answered by Rishav Koirala, psychiatrist and researcher

Effectively managing emotions, especially when they tend to lead to impulsive reactions like hurtful comments and heightened anger, is a multifaceted endeavor. It starts with developing a deep sense of self-awareness, involving an honest examination of your emotions and their triggers. Keeping a journal to track these triggers can provide valuable insights. Practicing deep breathing and mindfulness techniques can help you stay grounded in the present and mitigate the physiological effects of strong emotions. Additionally, employing a pause, such as counting to ten, before responding to emotional triggers can prevent impulsive reactions.

Identifying and challenging negative thought patterns, possibly with the assistance of cognitive behavioral therapy, is pivotal in changing the way you interpret and respond to situations. Seeking professional help, especially if these emotional challenges significantly affect your life and relationships, can provide you with specialized strategies and support. Healthy outlets like physical activities, creative expressions, and learning conflict resolution skills are vital tools in managing emotions constructively. Cultivating empathy and understanding for others’ perspectives, coupled with positive coping mechanisms and patience with yourself during the learning process, can contribute to more effective emotional management and a healthier outlook in life.

Treatment options may include a combination of psychotherapy, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which can equip you with better emotional control and coping strategies. You might also need to be on medication if there is an underlying mood or anxiety disorder contributing to your emotional struggles.

Additionally, I would recommend establishing a holistic approach to emotional well-being, which may include lifestyle modifications such as regular exercise, a balanced diet, and stress management techniques. Developing a support network and learning communication and conflict resolution skills can further enhance emotional regulation.

Ultimately, my goal as a psychiatrist would be to work collaboratively with you to create a personalized treatment plan that addresses the root causes of your emotional challenges and helps you achieve better emotional control and well-being.

Sally Diamond is strange. She doesn’t always function in the way she’s expected to, meaning she doesn’t fit into society’s standards of ‘normal’. When her dad dies, she puts him out with the trash, because he once mentioned that is what she should do: ‘When I die, put me out with the bins. I’ll be dead, so I won’t know any different.’ This leads to a furor that unravels a lot of secrets of Sally’s past, and all of it happens under the glare of the media and public.

Sally’s father has left her letters and they have details about her childhood that she had never known before. Apparently, the people she thought were her parents were her foster parents and her real mother Denise Norton was abducted as a child. Sally was born in captivity. As she comes to terms with it, Sally also has to learn to be more social and adapt to a world whose ways are alien to her. It’s not easy because she has led a protected and sheltered life where everything has been taken care of for her. She is 42 but she has never had a job and now, without her father to take care of her, she will have to find one. It doesn’t help that as people find out about her troubled past, they look at and treat her differently.

Then, she starts getting creepy mail: an old toy, and a birthday card, that makes her believe Conor Geary, her father and the man who kidnapped Denise, is alive and wants to connect with her. There is also Mark, a guy who seems to be obsessed with her and her past. He’s been asking questions about her and showing up almost everywhere she goes.

‘Strange Sally Diamond’ isn’t your regular thriller. Though it’s definitely a page-turner, the book is character-driven rather than plot-driven. The suspense element is just one aspect of the book and not the main focus. Instead, the book discusses trauma and grief, explores the effects of crime on the victim’s family, and shows how your childhood impacts your life.

Sally is a compelling but complex character. Though she’s the protagonist, she isn’t made out to be a hero. She doesn’t always have other people’s best interests at heart and that makes her relatable. Slightly reminiscent of Emma Donoghue’s ‘Room’, Strange Sally Diamond is a thriller where the crime is downplayed and the spotlight is on the aftermath. In turn delightful and disturbing, this is a book that will stay on your mind long after you finish it.

The book is Nugent’s fifth but my first time reading her. I’m going to hunt for her other books and read them all. That’s just how much I enjoyed Strange Sally Diamond. Nugent is quite famous in Ireland and, over the years, her books have been on different bestseller lists. She has also won four Irish Book Awards and the James Joyce Medal for Literature.

Fiction

Strange Sally Diamond

Liz Nugent

Published: 2023

Publisher: Penguin Random House UK

Pages: 363, Paperback

Most of us would like to join a gym but with a gazillion things to do, we just don’t seem to have the time. So we make do with home workouts. After all, YouTube has made exercising accessible and easy. There are even quick 10-minute workouts that you can do when you are in a rush. But joining a gym has its perks. You are more likely to be consistent with your workouts and reach your fitness goals when someone is guiding you. 

Prashant Maharjan, who runs Evergreen Fitness in Lalitpur, is a qualified personal trainer with eight years of experience in helping people achieve their fitness goals. Babita Shrestha from ApEx spoke to Maharjan who believes going to the gym is always a good idea if you want to become healthy and fit. 

What are the benefits of working out at a gym compared to exercising at home?

Home workouts and gym workouts serve different purposes. Home workouts typically focus on flexibility, whereas working out at a gym involves weight training, cardio, and muscle toning. It’s multi-faceted. It’s also always a good idea to work out with a professional guiding you so that you don’t make mistakes that can result in injuries. 

Gyms are equipped with trainers who can help you figure out what works for you as well as keep you motivated. Having a trainer by your side will ensure that your approach, form, and technique are correct. Additionally, trainers will also be able to give you information about your lifestyle and diet so that you can make better choices outside the gym as well. 

Why is form and technique important while exercising?

Every piece of equipment has a specific purpose and if it’s not used properly, it can lead to injuries. A good understanding of form can help avoid strains and injuries. You have to make sure your posture is right as that prevents unwanted twisting of muscles. Also, proper usage of exercise equipment can result in enhanced physical strength and help people reach their fitness goals. Good form and technique are crucial for a pain-free exercise session. 

How do you make sure your exercise session is safe? 

It’s vital to warm up before starting an intense workout. Make sure you don’t push yourself too much, only do as much as your body allows. I would also recommend drinking enough water 30 minutes before working out and then taking little sips in between to avoid dehydration and fatigue. At the gym, don’t try to copy other people. Figure out what works for you. Asking the trainer for help is always a good idea. 

What’s the right way to increase muscle mass and lose weight?

Eighty percent of muscle gain depends on your diet. Only 20 percent of it is exercise-related. You want to focus on a nutrient-dense diet with enough lean protein. Chickpea can be a great substitute for protein powder in your diet, given that it’s more cost-effective. Bananas are regarded as the fruit of paradise because they help in muscle growth and weight gain. You might want to use weights and resistance equipment in addition to doing exercises like squats and weightlifting. To lose weight, you must cut down your calorie and carb intake. Exercises that increase cardiovascular activity, such as running, cycling, aerobics, and high-intensity interval training can help burn calories while preserving muscle mass.

What are some common fitness myths?

The most common fitness myth is diet-related. People believe they have to eat less to lose weight. It’s not about how much you eat but what you eat. Your diet should be rich in the right kind of nutrients depending on your fitness goals. Then, people tend to believe that taking a break from exercising can lead to weight gain but that’s not true at all. It’s important to have rest days to allow your body to recover. 

Talking about rest days, how can you achieve the right balance between training and recovery? 

Recovery typically takes 48 hours, which is why four to five days of working out is enough for everybody. When you workout, you create microscopic tears in your muscles and rest days are important for your muscles to heal and grow back stronger. During rest days, your body gets the chance to remove the excess lactate from the muscles and that can help relieve muscle pain and soreness. Rest days are also important because overexercising can tire your mind along with your body. I’d also advise people to get at least eight hours of sleep to achieve mind-body harmony. 

How important is goal-setting in fitness and how can you be realistic about it?

Goal-setting is important as it helps you understand what you want to achieve. Take pictures and videos before and after your workout sessions, say every week or so, to monitor your progress. To monitor muscle mass and fat reduction, use a measuring tape. These days, it’s possible to measure calories burnt and pulse rate using wearable devices. One thing you shouldn’t do is weigh or measure yourself every day. Have fixed days for it. Be consistent with your routine and don’t be too hard on yourself if and when you miss a few sessions.

On Aug 15, a Cabinet meeting decided to revise the detailed project report of the Kathmandu-Tarai Fast Track Project. No explanation was given. In the updated DPR, the project’s length was reduced from 72.5 km to 70.97 km. 

Minister for Physical Infrastructure and Transport Prakash Jwala said as the length of the highway has been shortened, the project cost will come down by Rs 2bn.

But notably, the new DPR has increased the number of tunnels and bridges, which contradicts the minister’s claim of reduced project cost. Initially, there were three tunnels at Mahadevtar (3.355 km), Dhedre (1.63 km), and Lane Danda (1.43 km). The revised DPR includes three additional tunnels at Debichaur (1 km), Sisautar (0.39 km), and Chandram Bhir (2.25 km), bringing the total number of tunnels to six. 

Likewise, the fast track originally also featured 87 bridges, but this number has now increased to 89. 

Tunnels and bridges are expensive to build, and infrastructure development experts say they don’t know where Minister Jwala got the idea that the project will save Rs 2bn by reducing the length of the fast track by a mere two kilometers and adding three more tunnels and two extra bridges. 

Aslo read: Fast track: Destroyer of civilization?

“Besides minor alignment changes, modifying project designs midway through construction is considered less than ideal,” says infrastructure expert Surya Raj Acharya, development and infrastructure policy expert. “Project designs should not be altered without a thorough and well-founded study that acknowledges their significance.”

In 2008, the Asian Development Bank had estimated the project cost at Rs 70bn. A South Korean company that prepared the DPR in 2019 raised the cost estimate to Rs 112bn. When the Nepal Army took over the project again raised the estimated project cost toRs 175bn. 

Once again, the Army and the Ministry of Physical Infrastructure and Transport have raised the estimated project cost to Rs 211bn. The project cost could further increase if there are more delays.

The new deadline of the project is April 2027. The project has already undergone four deadline revisions in six years. The latest deadline is likely to be extended again, as the Army has only completed 26.14 percent of the work to date. 

Experts say it is impossible to complete the remaining work (around 75 percent) of the project in the next four years, given the amount of challenges ahead, from securing funds to land acquisition to lengthy contract and bidding process.

The financial progress of the project so far stands at 28.11 percent.

Acharya says that the Nepali Army is not the ideal institution to construct this kind of project. 

“If the fast track project continues to be managed in its current manner, it not only risks missing its next deadline but could potentially become another ‘white elephant’ project akin to the Melamchi Drinking Water Project,” he says.

The Nepal Army officials have often cited budget crunch as a major hindrance to the timely progress of the project. 

The previous governments had not provided enough budget for the expressway. This time, however, the army sources say they are hopeful about securing sufficient budget to make significant progress with the project.

The project contract was handed over to the Army during the previous tenure of Prime Minister Pushpa Kamal Dahal. With Dahal once again in power, the Nepal Army officials are hopeful that the fast track project will get the much-needed attention and priority 

Also read: What’s driving up land prices along the fast track?

“Soon after assuming the office, Prime Minister Dahal conducted an inspection of the project site,” says Brigadier General Krishna Prasad Bhandari, spokesperson of Nepali Army. “We are hopeful that we won’t face a budget crunch under this government.” 

Out of the 13 packages that comprise the project, construction work is currently underway in only seven. The remaining six packages have yet to commence. According to the Army, around 95 percent of the project’s tasks are either in the construction phase or in the midst of the bidding process.

However, data shows the design work and contract process for three tunnels and nearly half of the total bridges has not been completed. Even with the ongoing construction of three tunnels, the overall physical progress stands at just 41.57 percent.

Another major challenge lies in the Khokana area, which is an ancient Newa town renowned for its rich culture and heritage. Residents of Khokana are expressing opposition to the expressway project due to concerns that its construction might result in the loss of their cultural heritage. As of now, the Army has not commenced the land acquisition and bidding processes in this area.

The Army says land acquisition process in Khokana has been halted over a compensation row. But the ground reality is different. The halt has more to do with the cultural significance of the area than land issues.  

The project’s Environmental Impact Assessment (EIA) had hinted at the challenges of securing land for the 6 km-stretch of the expressway in Lalitpur. As the area is part of the ancient Newa heritage and a site of various cultural and religious ceremonies, the EIA report had given a heads-up to the project developer. 

As anticipated, there was fierce pushback from the residents of Khokana when the time came to open a track for the expressway. 

Out of the total land requirement of 15,416 ropanis for the project, 10,244 ropanis are government-owned, and the remaining are privately owned. Within the 5,172 ropanis of private land, there are still 406 ropanis awaiting acquisition, and these parcels are situated in the Khokana area.

Major General Kamal Bikram Shah, the project head, says the government,  the National Planning Commision, and other stakeholders are doing their best to resolve the Khokana dispute.

“The Army will start working soon after this issue is settled,” he says.

Also read: Fast track: National pride or another white elephant?

The idea of constructing the Kathmandu-Tarai fast track, an alternate highway connecting the Kathmandu valley with the Tarai region, was originally conceived during the Panchayat era. However, the project remained in the planning and incubation stages for an extended period.

In 1992, two years following the restoration of democracy, the National Planning Commission collaborated with the Danish Development Cooperation to conduct a feasibility study for the fast track. Four years later, in 1996, the government invited expressions of interest from companies. Despite these initial steps, there was little to no progress for over a decade.

It wasn’t until 2008 that the fast track project was revitalized, thanks to the Asian Development Bank which prepared a feasibility report and preliminary design. That same year, the government proposed an alternative to Kathmandu’s Tribhuvan International Airport in Nijgadh, Bara, further bolstering the prospects and importance of the expressway.

Features of the expressway

• Total length: 70.977 km
• Width: 25 meters in the hills, 27 meters in the plains
• Start point: Khokana
• End point: Nijgadh
• Areas: Lalitpur, Kathmandu, Makawanpur, Bara
• Tunnels: 6 (10.055 km)
• Bridges: 89 (12.885)
• Interchange: 3 (Khokana, Budune, Nijgadh)
• Toll Plaza: 3 (Khokana, Budune, Nijgadh)
• Deadline: April 2027

Progress

• Physical progress: 26.14 percent
• Financial progress: 28.11 percent
• Tunnels: 2,667 meters out of 6,415 meters
• Bridges: 2 out of 89
• Trees felled: 28,646 out of 38,664
• Trees planted: 643,695 out of 709,850