A satirical take on jaywalkers: How to cross a zebra crossing

This is a guided approach to be taken ‘very seriously’ by the readers. I shall not be liable for any injuries from the daring stunts done on Kathmandu roads (that is if you find some space).

Step 1

Locate where even the zebra crossing is. Maybe walk even a few kilometers just to find a faded white longitudinal line. If it is too far, you can cross from anywhere and jump on the dividing ropes and broken brownish-orange barriers, as the traffic police are busy cutting the chits for speeding bikes. The overhead bridge is always a safer option but you seem daring. 

Step 2

Your hand-most important of it all. With a flick of the wrist, have your hand upright with the palm facing directly to the eyes of the driver. Now you can even talk on the phone or have a frivolous chat with your fellow mate beside you. The hand does all the talking while you romanticize about staying abroad. The driver may retort with a yawn but you’re just walking with your eyes closed. 

Tread lightly and confuse the driver even more by freezing in the middle of the road and doing the shammy-shake of who goes first.

Step 3

Don’t be scared. Just cross. There is civility left in some drivers. Some will swerve behind you as you wait. But if you see a tipper zooming towards you, then make way for the guardians of the unpaved road. Micros and buses see no crossings or people in their path, so consider wisely. 

Step 4

Halfway there but keep straight as the lines will fade as you move along. Oh and check for the waiting signal. I guess you’ve already jumped and crossed the woeful traffic. 

Don’t look at the driver or the wait signal as a homage to your genetically modified stupidity. It is just an endemic spread around the country. Not to be alarmed– herd mentality is absolute. Following the crowd is a fool-proof choice.

Kathmandu Metropolitan City (KMC) has decided to declare the valley as a ‘no horn zone’, you might be eased off with the noise pollution but you now are encountered with light pollution with high beams beaming on your pretty face. The symbols of the moon and sun live as long as the country unless you can see any visible stars up in the sky.

Pro tip

Try thanking the drivers by giving a courtesy nod for their patience to bear your courage (or stupidity).

Aditya Khare

BA in Journalism and Mass Communication 

St Xavier’s College, Maitighar