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‘Notes on Heartbreak’ by Annie Lord must be one of the most honest memoirs I have read. It’s a raw and intimate look at heartbreak and all the complexities it entails. The author doesn’t try to portray herself in a good light–as someone who had control over her emotions and took things one day at a time. She lays bare her sufferings and shows us how [badly] she dealt with things. She was a mess and she’s not afraid to show it as breakups are messy and traumatic, and she’s only human.

In most memoirs, writers try to show their good side and often sugarcoat their weakness, pinning the blame on someone else. They show themselves as victims, which they might have been, but in doing so they tend to invariably make us believe that the people in their lives have somehow been responsible for everything that has happened to them. They hardly ever take ownership of their actions. This is how ‘Notes on Heartbreak’ differs from the rest.

Despite reeling from a broken heart, Lord keeps things quite neutral. Joe is just another human, with his own set of flaws and baggage. He’s not someone who purposely tried to ruin Lord’s life. It’s quite easy to come out of a breakup bitter and cynical–after all, it feels like the one central truth of your existence has been shattered. But as Lord tells a love story in reverse, she shows you that pain can sometimes teach you important lessons, and that every story has at least two sides to it.

The autobiographical and poetic exploration of a five-year relationship coming to an end is heartwarming, funny, at times sad, and over all a beautiful meditation on love, longing, and loss. Lord shares inside jokes and tender moments to justify her rage and confusion. She can’t figure out why Joe would choose to end a perfectly good relationship. She longs for love, lives in denial for a while, and unsuccessfully tries to move on too fast. Her experiences could mimic that of many readers and make them realize that they aren’t alone, that their pain is felt and shared by every person who has ever fallen in love.

Notes on Heartbreak isn’t a story about a single heartbreak. It tells a universal story. It’s for anyone and everyone who has loved someone. I was reading a book on heartbreak and loss right before picking up Lord’s memoir. I won’t mention which book it was because it was horrible. So I was skeptical about Notes on Heartbreak. But the writing style was refreshing and I was hooked right from the start. It isn’t preachy. Lord isn’t dishing out advice on how to get over a heartbreak. She simply shares her thoughts and feelings, making you feel heard and validating your extreme emotions. The book is quite thick but the story doesn’t feel dragged out. I would highly recommend it.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59777955-notes-on-heartbreak 

Notes on Heartbreak

Annie Lord

Published: 2022

Publisher: Trapeze 

Pages: 385, Paperback

Robert Sapolsky rose to prominence following the publication and success of his book, “Behave,” which probes in microscopic detail, “The biology of humans at our best and worst.” It is a long book tackling issues of great complexity and challenge. If anything, the latest book, “Determined,” dives into the issue of even greater depth, and after going through scientifically informed analysis, concludes that there is no free will. Like the physical world outside, the internal world of living beings with their thoughts and actions is wholly deterministic and hence no responsibility for any act can logically be placed on the actor. This conclusion is loaded with implications that are counterintuitive and controversial. Hating someone who has murdered people ruthlessly and calling for revenge is as undeserved as praising someone for the deeds of protecting the lives of many. Hate and praise assumes that the person has consciously chosen to do the act and could have chosen otherwise. The book attempts to prove that such a view is indefensible when the findings of different scientific disciplines are put together and logically analyzed.

The book starts by looking into the immediate neurological cause of any behavior that anyone engages in, occurring seconds before the act. Any act is preceded by the activities of neurons in the brain that causes thoughts, emotions or movement of body parts. But that neuronal activity is preceded by the activity of other neurons and then those by others and so on. Besides, there is also interaction with the immediate environment including response to various stimuli that can influence one’s behavior. At the time of engaging in any act, we perceive being in control of our physical movement and thus our actions feel like having been carried out with intentionality. Even if that were true, the main question to be asked in determining whether free will exists is, “Where the intention comes from?” Sapolsky argues that what can be intended is already restricted and is out of control of the agent as a result of a combination of factors long before the moment of choice. As the famous saying goes, “You may do as you will but you cannot do what you will.”

Moving a little back, hours to days before the action, hormones coursing through the body impacts the excitability of the neurons, making one or other action more or less likely. For example, if there was above average flow of testosterone in the body of any person some hours back due to some physical exertion, it could increase the likelihood of her/his engaging in some aggressive act. But even the impact of hormones varies widely across different persons. It depends on the life experiences the person has gone through including childhood, her/his genetic makeup and culture that the person was raised in. 

The frontal cortex, the brain’s outermost region, considered the seat of rationality, impulse control and gratification postponement, continues its development even after other brain regions have more or less set in their way. So, the experience of adolescence and early adulthood is of great importance for shaping this region and guiding major human behaviors affected by it. Of even greater significance is the experience of childhood, when most of the neuronal connections and brain regions are being actively shaped. Say, someone has deep childhood trauma due to being physically abused or growing in uncertainty riddled poverty. His amygdala, a brain region related to fear, is likely to be larger in size and hyperactive for life and the frontal cortex becomes less capable in restricting impulsive behavior. During adulthood, while moving through a dark aisle, he happens to mistake a harmless passerby, who is getting his hands out of pocket, for an attacker intent on harming him, and in an instinctive self-defense, attacks the person. How free was he and how reasonable is it to blame or worse, hate, him for the attack? Sapolsky views his behavior to be equivalent to that of a car with damaged brakes hitting a passenger. 

There is a popular contrary view that asserts that anyone is dealt with by the lack of genes, culture, upbringing, mishaps of life are out of one’s control, but how she responds to it is where the free will is expressed. However, the book describes this as a dangerous myth. Ability to resist stress, temptations, move on despite suffering and whatever else is implied by willpower is ultimately the result of the brain’s functioning, mostly of the prefrontal cortex. It is thus determined by the factors mentioned above which is the interaction of biology and environment. Both of those are outside the control of the person. Dogmatic belief in the myth of willpower leads to creating unnecessary suffering like by blaming a dyslexic child with inherent inability to read and write for not applying herself in her study or accusing incompetent mothering for developing schizophrenic child.

At extremes like childhood abuse, genetic illness, etc. the lack of free will is relatively easier to appreciate and most of us would not blame someone for being born blind. However, the main object of the book is to show that everything is deterministic, be it the mundane day to day choices that we don’t even care about or the things people do that we feel we would never have done. In fact, as an example, if any of us had been born with Hitler’s gene, in the same womb that he inhabited and had exactly the same childhood and life experience he did, we would have done exactly what he did. Such extreme hypothetical circumstances with mind-numbing implication may be hard to accept but it is what Sapolsky means when he says that the world is deterministic leaving no room for free will to exist. And with that there is no reason to assign responsibility, even for genocide.

Sapolsky ends the book concluding that the fear of personal morality declining and society being uninhabitable in the absence of free will is misplaced. As a proof in form of analogy, he points to the scientifically informed fact that diminishment in religiosity and faith in god has not increased anti-social behavior.

I would highly recommend this mind enriching book which weighs in on a serious issue of great personal and social consequence in a deeply thoughtful and thoroughly enjoyable manner.

How might someone behave after a brain transplant? The possibilities are endless—one could go mad, fall into a trance, behave normally, or exhibit any number of unexpected outcomes. Poor Things, directed by Yorgos Lanthimos—known for his strange, disturbing, and surreal works such as Dogtooth (2009), The Lobster (2015), and most recently Kinds of Kindness—invites audiences into a bizarre yet captivating world, using layered metaphors to explore complex ideas. The story takes an intriguing turn when it introduces Bella Baxter, a fully grown woman brought to life with the brain of an infant, portrayed by Emma Stone.

This Academy Award-winning film thoughtfully explores the developmental journey of a child's mind in an adult body, showcasing Bella’s relentless curiosity and drive to experience life’s mysteries. Her journey is a subtle reminder to embrace life’s offerings as an adventure. The film also delves into the tension between personal desires and socially acceptable behaviors, questioning how our actions are shaped by societal norms rather than our true instincts.

Through a series of events, we witness Bella's transformation from an emotionless character into a person of profound empathy, someone who recognizes the complexities of the world around her. This transformation serves as a metaphor for the need to bring empathy and human understanding into public life.

While Bella’s story presents one side of life’s journey, another perspective is offered through Duncan Wedderburn, played by Mark Ruffalo. The film uses metaphors of sex, food, and sleep to reveal the pitfalls of excess and desire. Duncan’s hedonistic pursuits ultimately lead to his undoing, a cautionary message for contemporary audiences. The recurring scenes where characters repeatedly indulge in pleasurable yet harmful behaviors symbolize humanity’s tendency to ignore the consequences of overindulgence.

The movie does venture into ethically and morally challenging territory. For instance, it features scenes depicting childlike characters in adult situations, which may feel uncomfortable to some viewers. The presence of nudity and intimacy on screen raises questions about appropriateness, especially in scenes involving characters with a childlike mentality. Moreover, certain details about the brain surgery process may also seem scientifically dubious.

Despite these controversies, Poor Things is a thought-provoking film with layers of meaning open to interpretation. Bella’s journey of love and self-discovery—untethered from the weight of her past—adds depth to the story, making it a worthy addition to any watchlist.

Comedy/Fantasy

Cast: Emma Stone, Margaret Qualley, Mark Ruffalo

Director: Yorgos Lanthimos

Duration: 2 hours 21 minutes

IMDb: 7.8/10

One of my favorite childhood memories is of my mother eating oranges and reading while sitting out in the sun during winter. She was (and still is, in her 70s) a busy woman with a lot of things to do but in the winter, she would take every opportunity to go up to the terrace and just sit, eat, and read (and occasionally fall into deep slumber). I think this was why I started to associate winters with a slow-paced life.

I always take the time to carefully curate a list of 10 books that I want to read in the winter. I will invariably end up reading other books too but the ones on the list are non-negotiable. This time, I’ve picked some books that I have enjoyed in the past or those that come highly recommended. I also have some books that I have been dying to pick up—books from authors that I have previously enjoyed. As the days get colder, it’s finally that time of the year when weekends are all about basking in the sun with some snacks and a good book to keep you company. With the reading list, I’m all set to make the most of it.

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

About two magicians who are pitted against each other and who ultimately fall in love, despite having to risk their careers and lives, ‘The Night Circus’ is a heartwarming story that is just the perfect winter read. Though it’s one of my favorite books of all time, I haven’t reread it in so long that I have forgotten many of the details. My plan is to devote one weekend to this book and I would recommend those who are looking for a great winter read to pick this one up. The story takes a while to build up but I guarantee you won’t be able to put it down.

Someone Else’s Shoes by Jojo Moyes

‘Someone Else’s Shoes’ is Jojo Moyes latest book. I have come across it at various bookstores but I haven’t bought a copy yet, choosing instead to save it for a time when I don’t find anything interesting or when I’m in a reading slump that I desperately want to get out of. I know Moyes won’t let me down. ‘The Giver of Stars’, her book based on the true story of packhorse librarians of Kentucky, is one of the most beautiful books I’ve read in my life. Someone Else’s Shoes is about second chances and how one little thing can change everything. It sounds like a cozy winter read, one that you can breeze through while curled up on the couch with a hot tea by your side.  

Bombay Stories by Sadat Hasan Manto

In every reader’s reading journey, there will inevitably be times when s/he won’t be able to focus on novels. That is when poems or short stories can come to your rescue. Sadat Hasan Manto is known as one of the greatest writers of the 20th century. He wrote mainly in Urdu and produced a wide body of work including but not limited to stories, plays, and essays. He is best known for stories based on the partition of India. ‘Bombay Stories’ is mostly about men and their concubines but the women are portrayed in a fierce way. These are women who hold power over men, women who might be vulnerable but hold their ground, and women who don’t care about what society thinks. It’s a good book to dip in and out of—something that won’t take a lot of your time but will stay in your mind long after you have read it.

Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier

I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t read Rebecca, which is such a cult classic. A few of my friends have recommended this to me and every time I tell them I haven’t gotten around to it I can see the disappointment in their faces. I read the abridged version when I was in school so I know the plot but my friends swear the vibe is eerie and fills you with a sickeningly sweet sense of dread, which I relish. The Clockwork Reader, a YouTuber I subscribe to, says it’s a fabulous fall read—the vibes are just right, she says—which is why it’s now on my winter TBR list.

Welcome to the Hyunam-Dong Bookshop by Hwang Bo-reum

If you are in need of a feel-good book, this would be a safe bed. Yeongju gives up a high-flying career, divorces her husband, and starts a bookshop. She meets all kinds of customers and they all have their own problems and disappointments in life. The bookshop is where people come to find some respite from their lives. It’s where they ultimately find themselves. A heartwarming, albeit slightly cliché, story about love and human conditionings, the book offers many nuggets of wisdom that could crack your mind wide open. The chapters are short and disjointed as well. You don’t need to focus to keep a track of the story making it a perfect book for when you want to take naps in between reading.

Waiting by Ha Jin

The book was published in 1999 and it’s based on a true story Ha Jin heard from his wife while visiting her family at a hospital in China. There was once an army doctor who waited 18 years to get a divorce so that he could marry his girlfriend who was a nurse. ‘Waiting’ tells us the story of three people: Lin Kong, the army doctor; his wife Shuyu, whom he has never loved; and the nurse Manna Wu, his girlfriend at the hospital where he works. Kong is a decent guy but he has his flaws so it’s quite easy to identify with him. The book had made me really happy. It’s such a beautifully written story and I’m looking forward to rereading it.

Bunny by Mona Awad

‘Bunny’ is Mona Awad’s second book, published three years after her debut novel ‘13 ways of Looking at a Fat Girl’. It’s about a girl named Samantha who arrives a liberal arts college in New England and meets a group of fake-nice rich girls who make up her writing group. The story takes a somewhat sinister tone right from the start and gives you goosebumps that you can’t explain. I would say it’s a mix of horror, magical realism, and fantasy. You are always questioning what you’ve just read and don’t know what to make of it. I read it in the summer and thought it would have been a perfect under-the-cover or out in the sun read. I’m super excited to reread this as I’m sure it will hit differently in colder months. 

The Henna Artist by Alka Joshi

Seventeen-year-old Laxmi escapes an abusive marriage and makes her way alone to the vibrant 1950s pink city of Jaipur. There she becomes the most highly requested henna artist (and soon the confidante) to the wealthy women of the upper class. Though she is trusted with the secrets of the wealthy, she can never reveal her own as it can have grave consequences but secrets have a way of making themselves known. Her husband soon finds her and he brings a girl with her—she is the sister Laxmi never knew she had. There’s intrigue, drama, and a fair bit of suspense in this wonderfully written book that is the first installment in a trilogy.

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Another book I haven’t read in its unabridged form is Bram Stoker’s ‘Dracula’. And it’s a shame because I love vampire and zombie stories. Dracula tells the story of Count Dracula, a vampire who comes to England from Transylvania to feed on new blood and create a bigger circle of vampires. It’s supposed to be gory, tense, and even downright scary. The story is told through diary entries of a journalist called Jonathan as he tries to figure out who the Count actually is. This, I’ve been told, makes for a riveting read as you are easily able to put yourself in his shoes.

Fury by Alex Michaelides

I really enjoyed ‘The Silent Patient’ by Alex Michaelides. It gave me the creeps like no other thriller had in a while. The plot twist was amazing. I didn’t see it coming. Michaelides has a knack for telling stories that keep you hooked. The Maidens, a dark academia thriller, was as good as his debut novel. I’m really excited about reading Fury which was published earlier this year. I got a copy a while back but I have been saving it for the right occasion. I have a feeling that a balmy winter afternoon will be just right for this book that is sure to keep me on the edge of my seat.