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Comedy

KOHALPUR EXPRESS

CAST: Keki Adhikari, Priyanka Karki, Reecha Sharma, Buddhi Tamang, Rabindra Jha

DIRECTION: Bishal Bhandari

1 and a half stars

Rarely does Nepali mainstream cinema feature women-driven stories. Female characters are typically given the role of eye-candy love interests who operate as third elements wheels in the background, never at the center, while the male leads bask in atten­tion. The industry is dominated by men and only a handful of female filmmakers working today in Nepal really have the power and resources to call the shots. So I was sold the moment I found that Keki Adhikari was donning the producer’s hat and had roped in Priyanka Karki and Reecha Sharma for a women-driven ensemble comedy. This could be a game changer, I thought. Alas, the end result, ‘Kohalpur Express’, bitterly disappoints, scoring low on both humor and entertainment.

Keki Adhikari stars as the titular character Kohalpur Express, the hearing impaired yet the go-to deliv­ery girl in her hometown of Kohal­pur. Whatever she makes by deliv­ering groceries and goods on her electric two-wheeler, she donates to the orphanage she grew up in. One day, she’s called upon by her childhood friend Champa (Pri­yanka Karki). The heavily pregnant Champa has cooked a plan to kidnap a child of a rich Marwadi business­man (Rabindra Jha) with the help of her meek husband (Buddhi Tamang) and two other less-than-capable accomplices (Binod Neupane and Sujan Karki).

But just three days before the kid­napping, her husband falls sick and has to be hospitalized. Since he was the only person in the team who knew how to ride a bike, they need a quick replacement, and who better than Kohalpur Express!

‘Kohalpur Express’ is yet another film where a ragtag team of odd­balls are trying to pull off a kidnap­ping, which, of course, goes awfully wrong. The characters are so poorly thought of, they have no human quality to root for.

Adhikari has the most unassum­ing role. She is too spaced out and restrained to be able to carry the entire film on her shoulders. Pri­yanka Karki, by contrast, gets to be bossy and loudmouth but convinces only in bits and pieces. The rest of the supporting cast don’t stand out either. Even the dependable Buddhi Tamang and Rabindra Jha fail to land any memorable one-liners. But it’s Reecha Sharma’s over-the-top performance which is the last nail in the coffin for a movie that was dead on arrival.

Sharma, an otherwise accom­plished actor, plays a dimwitted bar girl embroiled into a kidnap­ping plot in the movie’s later half. Her exaggerated body gestures, labored breathing and pouty expres­sions made me squirm impatiently in my seat.

Director Bishal Bhandari and writer Shan Basnyat move the story at a snail’s pace and digress way too much in their lukewarm effort at comedy. In an early scene, Buddhi Tamang is sitting in a bhatti (tavern) narrating the plan to his accomplices. To gather their attention, he says, La sun! (‘Listen up!’). In reaction, the tavern owner brings them a plate of garlic, thinking they ordered lasun (‘garlic’). (You want us to laugh at that?) Likewise, there’s a run­ning joke about a character getting bitten by a cow. This gag gets referenced about ten times. The film’s comedy chops are so low I’m afraid they would fail to tickle even five-year-olds.

Even with its talented actors, the journey ‘Kohalpur Express’ takes us on is drab and senseless. This ride is rarely scenic!

International diplomacy is of two kinds, one open and one secret. Both are recognized and in prac­tice. When the US and China were not on speaking terms in the 1970s, there was a lot of secret diplomacy. The two countries appeared hos­tile and inimical but they were talking secretly. Consequently, Henry Kissinger visited China on a secret mission and met Mao-Ze­dong, starting a thaw that has lasted till date. When Vietnam War was being fiercely fought in the 1960s, the United States and Vietnam held private talks in Geneva from time to time. What they really discussed was never reported. However, they were on speaking terms and people hoped that the course of war would soon turn into peace. Secret diplomacy is not limited to warring nations. It is as effec­tive among the countries at peace. Unfortunately Nepal is known for pursuing only open diplomacy in its international dealings. The only secret part of open diplomacy is nevertheless evident in one-on-one talks between the top leaders, for example the recent secret talks between Prime Minister KP Sharma Oli and Narendra Modi in New Delhi. Nobody asked them what they talked about and they didn’t bother to disclose much.

Even if they drop hints of what had really transpired between them, the information we get will still be incomplete to arrive at a firm con­clusion. But the visage of the lead­ers after the talks reflects, more often than not, the tone of the talks. Just to fall back on memory, King Birendra, way back in 1975, looked profusely cheerful after his meeting with President Tito in Belgrade. The royal entourage was clueless about what made him so cheerful.

Prime Minister Oli could not have missed the difference in tone and tenor of his one-on-one talks with the Indian Premier during his first India visit in 2016 and during the second one in 2018. He indeed got an extra dose of warmth from India when the Indian Minister for Exter­nal Affairs Sushma Swaraj visited Nepal just to congratulate him as the PM-in-waiting. The bitterness or warmth in bilateral dealings is something privy to the practitioners of diplomacy. It is the consequences that concern the people.

On the surface, PM Oli’s recent India trip was a success. Nobody raised a finger against him after his return. The prospects of connect­ing waterways and railways don’t impinge on Nepal’s sovereignty.

There were far more serious pending matters related to the bor­der, water, trade and airways. PM Oli proposed further talks to arrive at amicable settlements on these matters, perhaps during Modi’s upcoming Nepal trip.

What was dangerous about the secret Oli-Modi talk is the relega­tion into the background of the issue of bringing Chinese railways to Nepal as part of increasing the country’s international connectivity. If Oli fumbles on this as a result of his secret talks with the Indian leader, all the pomp and show of the open diplomacy will eventually be meaningless.

But, on the other hand, if Oli had gone to New Delhi without com­promising his country, he would definitely win public support. It is however stupid to assign so high a value to the ‘first’ or ‘second’ foreign visit of a national leader. What does it matter so long as the national interest is served?  

Lately international news agencies have been flood­ed with reports, criticism and concerns about harvesting personal information on digital platforms, Facebook in particu­lar. Its owner, Mark Zuckerberg, one of the richest people on the planet, was recently grilled by American congressmen over the issue. While Zuckerberg agreed that his company had not done enough to secure data, Facebook, he clarified, does not “sell data to advertisers.” I was once told in the US by an ex-officer of National Security Agency (NSA) that every single Facebook post and Twitter feed was recorded at the Library of Congress. I was shocked. If you go to the Library of Congress (LOC), the official library of the US, you can read about Twitter “donat­ing” its digital archive to LOC. A 2010 press release on its website says, “Today the Library holds more than 167 terabytes of web-based information.” However, in 2017, it limited the number of tweets to be archived and did not record all public tweets.

The NSA person had further said that when you enter cer­tain keywords on search engines like Google, you could be under surveillance. When I told him that I was researching Al Qaeda, he said the place where you do your search also matters. In my case, it was mostly the library of my university, which he said would be relatively safer, perhaps because I wouldn’t be looking for Al Qaeda all the time or even if I did, it would be related to my research. Anyway, that made me realize, what you search on Google or share on social media would be monitored, and that could be considered as evidence if there was a criminal case later. Crowdsourcing!

On Google, you can basically find anything and everything. Whether you want to know about appendicitis, Nepal’s armed con­flict, or potty training, you can Google. It has been such a part of life that even my two-year-old son holds my cell phone close to him and says, “Okay Google.” But hey, Google follows you all the time, locating where you went, recording what you bought, what you searched or deleted, keeps information of what apps you use, and it even has an advertisement profile of you. Well, all of these may still be fine if not misused, but who knows?

The times have changed so dra­matically in the last 20 years or so that imagining a life without Facebook or Google is almost impossible, almost everywhere in the world. There’s no question that internet brings people closer and provides a plethora of good information. But it is not without risks. There have been reports in Nepal too of cybercrime and police action. In fact, police sug­gest we do not share status of where we are travelling or what we are doing so that we don’t fall prey to criminal minds. So, next time you post anything on social media or search Google, just be careful. Your searches and posts could be monitored from places unknown. OMG!

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Within hours of the earthquake on April 25, 2015, other countries were flying in emergency relief workers and aid. Many tourists and residents left the country a few days later on these returning relief planes. I myself had the experience of flying in a Royal Australian Air Force cargo plane to Bangkok.

Everyone fully expected the runway to be damaged by a big earthquake, despite the fact it sits on land less susceptible to liquefac­tion than much of Kathmandu. We were extremely lucky in 2015. But what if Malindo or any other airliner was blocking the runway just prior to a major earthquake? As we saw when Turkish Airlines skidded on landing and blocked the runway for several days, Nepal does not have the equipment necessary to move a heavy plane.

Recently I did some research on the Thai Airlines and Pakistan Airlines air crashes that both happened in 1992 as the planes approached TIA. That did not make for good reading. Steps to improve air safety have been taken since. But despite these steps, including a brand new radar system installed as recently as December 2017, the US Bangla Airlines crash of last month has left many bereft and many more horrified and, yes, scared. Accidents do happen. That’s a fact. Whether human or equipment error or just sheer bad luck, we cannot escape that ‘shit happens’.

So we need to be prepared. Yet Nepal is often very unprepared. At the moment the runway is due to be lengthened by 300m so that a local­izer antenna can be installed at the end of it. The reason for the length­ening is that planes should not come within 150m of the antenna and the current runway is not long enough to accommodate that.

Money has been allocated and the contractor has been selected. Yet several months on, the contractor has not started work. The completion deadline of early 2019 will definitely be missed. We can speculate why things like this happen, but we know that it is not just ‘bad luck’. Meantime, we wait for this additional safety feature to be installed—at some point—in the future.

Many lives have been lost through natural disasters, includ­ing the Gorkha Earthquake, and many others have been lost through plane crashes. I express my sympathy to everyone affected by these terrible events. This week I am leaving the rest of this column blank … because I am simply without words.