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Even after 11 years of mar­riage and trying to conceive, Shakuntala Devi Kandel (36) and Basu Dev Kandel (44) from Dang district were childless. They visited Om Hospital in Kath­mandu and Lucknow Hospital in India for treatment but still couldn’t conceive. “I cried myself to sleep every night. The people in our com­munity gossiped about us as we were a childless couple, which was horrible. I was ready to die because I felt incomplete without a child,” says Shakuntala. Basu felt helpless too and was worried who would take care of them when the couple was old. It was then that they decid­ed to adopt a child.

“First, we considered Om Hospital but if we adopted from there, the mother would know who took her child and might later come looking for the child. So we went to Bal Mandir [Nepal Children’s Organiza­tion]. We had to wait for three years before we got the call,” reveals Basu. In those three years, he traveled from Dang to Kathmandu six times to ask if a child was available for adoption in Bal Mandir.

There, they met Subika for the first time on 13 Sept, 2015, when she was just 11 months. “As our daughter has tanned skin, I think she relates to me more as my skin tone matches hers. Her mother is fair-skinned,” jokes Basu. They are yet to tell their daughter she is adopted. But, adds Shakuntala, “we are not worried even if she comes to know from someone. Much like we accept her, we know our daughter will accept us too.”

"Most parents who adopt children from Bal Mandir cannot accept the truth that their children are adopted"

Bal Krishna Dangol, Director of Bal mandir

Not every story ends as happily, and adopting a child in Nepal is still tricky. The current adoption law only allows infertile couples who have been married for at least 10 years to adopt. “Before September 2018, couples who had been mar­ried for four years and were infertile could adopt. But advancement in technology forced a change. There are surrogates or test-tube babies now,” says Bal Krishna Dangol, director at Bal Mandir.

So, what if a couple adopts think­ing they cannot conceive but have their own children after using new technology, he asks? “Moreover, there are many parents wanting to adopt but only a small number of children available.”

Single Nepali infertile women can adopt but single men are not allowed to under any condition

Singular problem

Single Nepali infertile women can adopt but single men are not allowed to under any condition. When asked why, Dangol replies, “Women can’t bear children after a certain age. But men don’t face that kind of age barrier. There are single men who come looking to adopt but we have to turn them away.” But sin­gle women who are trying to adopt told APEX that due to changing adoption laws and unclear policies, they face great difficulty in different stages of adoption.

One such case is of a development officer from Kathmandu who fos­tered four brothers since their child­hood. “In 1999, there was a landslide in Dhading, which orphaned 12 kids. So with the intention of adopting one of them, I went to Bal Mandir,” she says.

“Then, I met these four children. The youngest was 14 months and the eldest was 9 years old then. If I had adopted just one child, there was no telling where the other three brothers would end up and I did not want to separate them”. So she decided to adopt all of them by going against the Bal Mandir policy at the time which allowed for the adop­tion of only two children, and of different sexes. “Also, one could not choose whom to adopt. I’d already decided I wanted to adopt them particularly because they belonged to my ethnic group.”

The foster mother was 37 at the time and had to prove she was infer­tile, which she was not. Additionally, she was told that her husband’s agreement was mandatory but then she was unmarried. “I still am. It’s a choice I have made. It took months of convincing to finally let me bring the boys home. I was not allowed to adopt them, only to be their foster parent. I wanted to give the boys a good environment so I was okay with it.”

When she went to finish paper­work, she was asked who she had come with. “My father of 78 had accompanied me. So I was not allowed to sign the paper.” When asked why, she replies, “Because I am a woman. As a male figure was present, my father was asked to sign even though he had no means of a regular income. I was tired by that time, so I allowed it.” Curi­ously, while her father became the children’s foster parent she became their sister.

Even though she is providing for them, she cannot claim anything legally such as medical insurance that her job would provide her chil­dren. The boys have already got­ten citizenship under their parents’ name as she had preserved their parents’ citizenship certificates.

Chosen by heart

She says even the people who are infertile should be allowed to adopt. “In our society once you get married, you are expected to procreate. So there is the belief that you adopt only when you cannot procreate. And adoption is usually done secretly”. She says allowing people to adopt even if they are fer­tile would reduce the stigma. “Those who adopt should be proud of what they did.”

Another couple that has fostered a child for the past seven years is Bhushan Tuladhar and Shriju Prad­han. They are now trying to adopt the child legally. It is through their relatives that they adopted Siddharth, who is 10 now. He is related to their family but both his parents passed away when he was little. “We saw a child in need and decided to help. Once he came and lived with us, we felt so close that we have now thought about going ahead with adopting him legally. Hopefully we won’t face many prob­lems,” says Pradhan.

The couple has two daughters. They consulted their elder daugh­ter before bringing Siddharth in the house and she was excited. Their younger daughter was only a year old then. “The law tells us to share property with our three children, which is as it should be. All my children should get a share,” she says. “We cannot go around telling everyone that he is our foster child. When we meet someone and introduce him as our child, sometimes people point that he does not look like either of us, right in front of him which can be hurtful. Even when one says such things to a biological child, it can cause psy­chological harm. I wish people were more thoughtful!”

Dangol says that most parents who adopt children from Bal Mandir cannot accept the truth that their children are adopted. So they shy away from the topic. But Dangol says this is not something to be hidden because these children are actually “chosen by their heart”.

It’s been a year since I was on a domestic flight, and then it was only a short one. Actually it’s been quite a while since I have been on a long domestic flight. But this week I flew to Nepalganj. And the longer flights give one the chance to look round at what fellow passengers are up to.

 There usually are several colorful ladies, going to or coming from weddings. There are the selfie takers, the majority of which are said colorful ladies and their travel companions. One girl playing Candy Crush the whole way. The usual hajur amma looking mystified at the whole process, and the cool businessmen making phone calls till the very last minute. Then getting their newspaper out to look very busy and professional.

 Then there are the air stewardesses. Well-groomed young women who barked instructions in English at everyone. Why then do they look surprised when few follow those instructions? Your guess is as good as mine! Both going and coming back this week, I got into trouble for trying to put my bag in the overhead compartment—“sit down and let passengers on first”. Well, if they got the passengers on the plane five minutes sooner, or got us organized into rows (Buddha Air allocates seats on the bigger planes) then we could store our hand luggage without “holding up departure”. Sitting next to me was one man clutching his reasonably large case. No doubt he had been told off before about putting it overhead and has given up ever trying to do that again.

Back in the present day, very noticeable is the ringing of phones immediately on landing

 Another group I had forgotten about is the sweetie hoarders. Those small planes still give out boiled sweets, meant to aid ear pressure when sucked on takeoff and landing. I take one for this purpose. But I have noticed local passengers think these are freebies, to be grabbed by the handful and stuffed into pockets and bags. Probably the original meaning of the sweet giving has also been lost on the stewardesses too. Because, as we know, these ladies are not shy about telling passengers what to do.

 Perhaps they could ask, politely, that people only take one or two? Gone are the days when we got soft drinks on the flight. Now only water is handed out. Even longer gone is the airline Necon Air which I used to fly regularly to Kathmandu from Nepalganj. They gave a small lunchbox of a sandwich and pastry, as well as a fizzy drink, and, on every flight, a lucky draw. Your chance to win a free flight ticket! Not surprisingly Necon Air went bust a long time ago. Those fizzy drinks and goodies come at a cost!

 With reference to the lucky draw—I did actually win that once. Oddly, it was on my last ever flight to Kathmandu from Nepalganj as a resident of the Tarai Region. Perhaps the Universe was talking to me. What it was saying is anyone’s guess as only the next day, the Universe sent someone to steal my handbag (only time ever in Nepal), containing nothing of value. Except that damn free ticket!

 Back in the present day, very noticeable is the ringing of phones immediately on landing. Not turned off or onto flight mode then? I know that message is given in both English and Nepali so why do people not follow instructions? Domestic passengers do seem, give them some credit, to be able to remain seated longer than Nepali passengers flying internationally. On landing I mean. I was quite impressed by that. But then, there is the usual mad scramble to disembark. Same as the scramble to embark because the airport bus or plane might just leave without us! Probably not. Not on the watch of the efficient stewardesses!

If you’re someone who abides by the popular saying “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper,” you’ll love the Best Brew for its all-day breakfast menu. Located at Jhamsikhel (near the famous Herman Helmers Bakery), Best Brew specializes in Italian and Continental cuisines and a set of hearty, heavy breakfast options with freshly ground Nepali coffee.
 

Chef Andy Tamrakar’s kitchen takes the big challenge of creating gastronomical masterpieces at Best Brew— and he manages to do it just right with a visual flair as well. The apple pies, brownies, baked cheesecakes and almost everything on the menu have a picturesque quality to them. Definitely a place to succumb to your gluttonous being and make a few Instagram posts too.

THE MENU

Chef’s Special:

- Best Brew Big

Breakfast

- Gnocchi Pasta

- Jazz special

Opening hours: 7:30 am to 9 pm

Location: Jhamsikhel

Cards: Not Accepted

Meal for 2: Rs 1,200

Reservations: 9818553372

Nabina Khadka, 41, is a rare female taxi driver in Kathmandu. She has met a few other woman taxi drivers but most of them have either already dropped out of the profession or gone back to their village. Before being a cab driver, Khadka, who has been driv­ing for the past one and a half years, ran a liquor-cum-conve­nience store in Baluwatar. She still manages the store when she is not driving.

Born and raised in a village in Dolakha district, she came to Kathmandu to pursue an intermediate-level degree in 1996, when she was in her mid-20s. After getting the degree, she started her store in Baluwatar. Struggling to make her ends meet, it was in 2014 that she gave her first trial for a driving license, but failed. She passed on her second try in the same year. Nabina complains that because of male-bias at the Department of Transport, her licensing took “a lot longer than it would have taken my male counterparts”. Her hus­band, also a taxi driver, sup­ported her decision to drive a cab. Now Nabina supports her family via the income from her store, the taxi and some rooms she rents out.

Despite getting a driving license in 2014 it took her three more years to buy a cab and start driving. “In the beginning, some of my rela­tives objected, but my parents were supportive.” But what motivated her to take up this traditionally male-dominated profession to start with?

“I was inspired by the women of the Tarai who have been earning their livelihood by ferrying passengers in their electronic rickshaws,” explains Nabina. “I also love meeting people from various walks of life”.

She feels saddened by the paucity of women in her profession. Nabina believes women of the 21st century should prove they are as strong, hard-working and conscientious as their male counterparts, if not better than them. She thinks women should break free from their traditional role of home-maker. “Women can definitely do much better if they are given adequate opportunity and freedom,” says Nabina.

Perhaps because she is con­fident in her driving Nabina says her passengers have no qualms being driven around by a woman.

Don’t things sometimes get scary when she unknowingly admits unruly passengers? “I drive night and day. At night, I feel a little afraid of drunkards and criminal-minded passen­gers. But I am picky whom I let in and I avoid going to places I know little about.”

Emphasizing the need to bring taxi fares in line with the increased prices of commodities, she hopes the government creates an environment where “taxi driv­ers can viably support their families in an expensive city like Kathmandu”.