One of the best articulations thus far of the need to reset Nepal-India ties comes from C. Raja Mohan, among India’s most trusted foreign policy hands. At the risk of over-simplification, his nuanced column for The Indian Express makes two basic points: one, he urges New Delhi to come to terms with Nepal’s “natural politics of balance”; and two, for it to recognize that the “much-vaunted ‘special relationship’ is part of the problem.”

His first argument is that starting with Prithvi Narayan Shah, Nepal has always looked to balance India and China. KP Oli is doing no more than continuing the age-old trend. “Delhi, which puffs up with the mere mention of ‘strategic autonomy’, should not find it difficult to recognize where Kathmandu is coming from,” he writes perspicuously.

Second, Raja Mohan asks Delhi to no more hanker after “a ‘special relationship’ that a large section of Kathmandu does not want”. No bilateral relationship between nations can be built on sentiment, he continues, “whether it is based on faith, ideology or inheritance. Only those rooted in shared interests will endure.”

The strategic thinkers in Nepal have long been making this twin argument, and yet no one in Delhi seemed willing to listen. Many Nepalis are ‘anti-Indian’ precisely because they see Delhi as wanting to foist ‘special relationship’ on them: Given the power and demographic asymmetry between the two countries, the relations were ‘special’ only for the bigger partner. If India saw Nepal as its sovereign equal, it would ditch the ‘big brother mentality’ it inherited from the British and stop seeing Nepal as no more than a supplicant for its favors.

Every country’s foreign policy is rooted in its self-defined national interests. New Delhi’s emphasis on special relationship was also based on the belief that it served India’s interests—whether or not it served Nepal’s. The feeling in Kathmandu is that Delhi has over the years used the special relations to justify its interference in Nepal.

Again, nothing wrong in Delhi pursuing its interests the way it sees fit. It’s only if the Indians realize that the current modus operandi is not working do they need to change track. In this light, Raja Mohan’s recent article comes as a breath of fresh air. Not only does it hint of a realization in Delhi that its foreign policy conduct is breeding resentment in Nepal. I believe it is also a voice of a more confident India that can deal with its small neighbors based on mutual interests rather than outdated and artificial labels.

Paradoxically, therein also lies a need for caution for Nepal. If India revisits its ‘special relationship’, are we prepared to live with the consequences, like the renegotiation of “national treatment to Nepali citizens in India, trade and transit arrangements, the open border and visa-free travel,” as Raja Mohan suggests? Can we pick and choose what we want to retain from the old model? If the goal is to engage more with the rest of the world to reduce the country’s dependence on India, how can Nepal overcome its geographical constraints? Will Nepal then also un-peg its currency with the Indian currency? Forget the concerns of the south for a moment. The more important question is: Have we done any homework on how Nepal, minus the special relationship, will deal with the changed reality of ‘equality’ with India?

‘I couldn’t sleep thinking if I had locked the main door’. ‘I was worried if the children had been fed properly’. These statements made occasionally in our homes are examples of the ‘mental load’ taken up by the people making them. In this brief write-up, we talk about the concept of mental load, its effects on our everyday lives, including on the current lockdown time, and how to deal with it.

Mental load or emotional labor is the time and effort put into remembering things that go behind a work but are invisible and unacknowledged. Emma, the comic known for introducing the concept, puts it as “permanent and exhausting work.”

Mental load is not gender specific: although women are known to bear the most of it, men also take these loads. Mental load is a concern for everyone; it exists in many kinds of work and in diverse spaces. For example, in an office or educational setting, an individual in a group who is working on a presentation might be bearing the mental load of following up with colleagues on the presentation, putting the power-points together, booking the meeting rooms, taking notes, emailing the power-points to colleagues, to name a few.

At home, a family member bearing the mental load might be involved in making a grocery list and shopping; planning family get-togethers, inviting people to these get-togethers, and planning the menu; or paying the bills (electricity, telephone, water, garbage). Although a lot of time and effort goes into remembering these tasks and making them happen, they are neither noticed nor valued.

One prominent issue with mental load is the undefined, un-agreed and unseen responsibility that is shouldered unto an individual within a workspace or family unit. Non-acknowledgement of the mental load might also be interpreted as under-appreciation of the work being done. And excessive mental load can lead to emotional exhaustion or mental fatigue.

The distinction between home and office has been blurred by the stay-home situation right now. The result is that although the volume of work might not have changed (thanks to the work-from-home arrangements), the way in which these works are done has changed significantly. Unlike in past when people could compartmentalize household chores and lock them away in their minds while at office, they now find themselves constantly shifting between work-related responsibilities and household chores throughout the day.

This change affects the way people experience mental load as the mental labor of planning, arranging, and organizing chores has to be done for tasks of varied nature at once and in the same space. Importantly, Nepali women bear most of the mental load of caring for the family, and the lockdown has added to their challenges.

The first step in handling it is acknowledging it, giving it a name. Mental load is invisible work. And its invisibility to people not sharing this load is the thing that makes the load heavy and exhausting. So when we acknowledge that not all work is visible and mental labors like thinking, planning, organizing, and even worrying count as real work, the first constructive step is taken. The next step is for you to take responsibility for some aspects of the mental load so that the other person does not have to bear all of it. When every member sharing the common space, whether at home or at office, acknowledges and assumes individual responsibility, the load will be shared and its burden on any one person greatly reduced.  

How can we share the mental load?

The first step to sharing the mental load is acknowledging the existence of mental load and making it visible. In the earlier example of mental load in a group presentation, sharing the mental load could be done by listing each of those tasks in the to do list and assigning responsibilities to the members for each of them. Mental load within family settings can also similarly be shared by acknowledging the work that is often overlooked and unaccounted for and sharing the responsibilities of these works among family members. Rotating responsibilities among members of the group (be it at work or family) can also help in building awareness about the invisible yet exhaustive mental work. And sharing the mental load can reduce the load of the individuals taking them as well as serve in the acknowledgment and appreciation the efforts put by these individuals earlier.

The stay-at-home situation for families due to the coronavirus pandemic has given us an opportunity to reflect whether the mental load within our families are equitably shared and to work towards sharing the mental load when it is lopsidedly shared.

‘I couldn’t sleep thinking if I had locked the main door’. ‘I was worried if the children had been fed properly’. These statements made occasionally in our homes are examples of the ‘mental load’ taken up by the people making them. In this brief write-up, we talk about the concept of mental load, its effects on our everyday lives, including on the current lockdown time, and how to deal with it.

Mental load or emotional labor is the time and effort put into remembering things that go behind a work but are invisible and unacknowledged. Emma, the comic known for introducing the concept, puts it as “permanent and exhausting work.”

Mental load is not gender specific: although women are known to bear the most of it, men also take these loads. Mental load is a concern for everyone; it exists in many kinds of work and in diverse spaces. For example, in an office or educational setting, an individual in a group who is working on a presentation might be bearing the mental load of following up with colleagues on the presentation, putting the power-points together, booking the meeting rooms, taking notes, emailing the power-points to colleagues, to name a few.

At home, a family member bearing the mental load might be involved in making a grocery list and shopping; planning family get-togethers, inviting people to these get-togethers, and planning the menu; or paying the bills (electricity, telephone, water, garbage). Although a lot of time and effort goes into remembering these tasks and making them happen, they are neither noticed nor valued.

One prominent issue with mental load is the undefined, un-agreed and unseen responsibility that is shouldered unto an individual within a workspace or family unit. Non-acknowledgement of the mental load might also be interpreted as under-appreciation of the work being done. And excessive mental load can lead to emotional exhaustion or mental fatigue.

The distinction between home and office has been blurred by the stay-home situation right now. The result is that although the volume of work might not have changed (thanks to the work-from-home arrangements), the way in which these works are done has changed significantly. Unlike in past when people could compartmentalize household chores and lock them away in their minds while at office, they now find themselves constantly shifting between work-related responsibilities and household chores throughout the day.

This change affects the way people experience mental load as the mental labor of planning, arranging, and organizing chores has to be done for tasks of varied nature at once and in the same space. Importantly, Nepali women bear most of the mental load of caring for the family, and the lockdown has added to their challenges.

The first step in handling it is acknowledging it, giving it a name. Mental load is invisible work. And its invisibility to people not sharing this load is the thing that makes the load heavy and exhausting. So when we acknowledge that not all work is visible and mental labors like thinking, planning, organizing, and even worrying count as real work, the first constructive step is taken. The next step is for you to take responsibility for some aspects of the mental load so that the other person does not have to bear all of it. When every member sharing the common space, whether at home or at office, acknowledges and assumes individual responsibility, the load will be shared and its burden on any one person greatly reduced.  

How can we share the mental load?

The first step to sharing the mental load is acknowledging the existence of mental load and making it visible. In the earlier example of mental load in a group presentation, sharing the mental load could be done by listing each of those tasks in the to do list and assigning responsibilities to the members for each of them. Mental load within family settings can also similarly be shared by acknowledging the work that is often overlooked and unaccounted for and sharing the responsibilities of these works among family members. Rotating responsibilities among members of the group (be it at work or family) can also help in building awareness about the invisible yet exhaustive mental work. And sharing the mental load can reduce the load of the individuals taking them as well as serve in the acknowledgment and appreciation the efforts put by these individuals earlier.

The stay-at-home situation for families due to the coronavirus pandemic has given us an opportunity to reflect whether the mental load within our families are equitably shared and to work towards sharing the mental load when it is lopsidedly shared.

However much India and China quarrel over their unsettled borders and their competing influences in South Asia, their burgeoning economic ties would ensure a level of normalcy in bilateral relations. Or so went the old assumption. Hence the two quietly defused the 2017 Doklam crisis, and India time and again underplayed Chinese border adventures. The Indian establishment was most reluctant to blame China for the recent skirmishes in Ladakh as well. It was nothing big and everything would soon be settled amicably, it kept saying. Then the Ladakh crisis reached a tipping point.

The Chinese kept escalating, and it became impossible for India to fudge it anymore. China was intent on making a point. There has been a shift in China’s attitude towards India following the latter’s amendment of its national map in November 2019. The new map placed all the disputed territories in Jammu & Kashmir, including those claimed by Pakistan and China, under Indian flag. Removing all doubts about India’s intent, Indian Home Minister Amit Shah later told parliament that India was also most definitely claiming the Pakistan- and China-occupied Kashmir. This meant India now claimed a vital component of the China-Pakistan Economic Corridor, the flagship BRI project.

Despite their growing trade ties, Indian and Chinese strategic visions are increasingly at odds. China is more and more estranged from the US; at the same time India and the US are steadily inching closer. Indian Army Chief M.M. Naravane could have been venting his frustration at Chinese actions in Ladakh when he implicated Chinese hand in Nepal’s renewed claim over the Kalapani region. For him, with border skirmishes with China escalating, the Indian troop presence in Kalapani is a non-negotiable. Forget tri-lateral economic cooperation. The new game is all about getting a strategic upper hand.

This will exacerbate the tendency in India to see Chinese hand everywhere in South Asia. China for its part had not been that bothered by India’s actions in the neighborhood, for India was always an inconsequential regional player on its own. But as the American and Indian interests converge, China can no longer feign nonchalance.

China finds itself isolated by a ‘concert of democracies,’ with worse to come over the Covid-19 fallout. Thus shunned, it’s getting close to Russia. The two countries have just agreed on a new missile defense system for China. They also plan a joint mission to the moon. Beijing and Moscow see no alternative to working together to minimize the US presence in the Indo-Pacific. As I have written before, it is no more farfetched to imagine China and Russia banding together to foil ‘American designs’ on Nepal. Not long ago, the Oli government was subtly advised from up north to invite Vladimir Putin, say to inaugurate an international Buddhist conference in Lumbini. 

The global Covid-19 pandemic and the resulting ‘China-bashing’ have only exacerbated the old US-China rivalry. China’s hope that India would keep a safe distance from the US and help it counter anti-China Covid-19 narrative has proven misplaced. As has India’s calculation that the ‘mercantilist’ China is ready to ignore its strategic interests in South Asia. Countries like Nepal will have to live with the upshots of their growing differences. The way the Kalapani dispute has resurfaced is only the start of this new, multi-pronged geopolitical drama.