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“Love is not about finding the perfect person, but about learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen

Valentine’s Day often brings with it a lightning of emotions, from the excitement of celebrating love to the pressure of meeting expectations. But what if we looked beyond the chocolates and roses? What if we focused on the real essence of love—the kind that nurtures, heals, and grows over time?

Coffee cup promise

Shikha and Raman had been together for six years, their love weathering the highs of shared adventures and the lows of career struggles. One Valentine’s Day, Raman surprised Shikha not with a grand gesture but with a simple, heartfelt promise written on a sticky note stuck to her favorite coffee cup: “I promise to listen more and assume less.”

That note sparked a turning point. They began dedicating time every week to sit down, talk openly, and truly listen to each other’s fears and dreams. Their relationship, once weighed down by misunderstandings, transformed into a safe space where both felt seen and valued. It wasn’t the flowers or the dinner dates that strengthened their bond but the intentional effort to connect deeply.

Psychology of love

Love is a complex emotion that has intrigued psychologists for decades. Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love identifies three components that define a healthy relationship: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy refers to the emotional bond and closeness shared between partners, passion encompasses physical attraction and desire, and commitment represents the decision to maintain the relationship long-term.

Healthy relationships often find a balance among these components. For example, relationships solely based on passion might burn out quickly, while those focused only on commitment might lack excitement. Understanding this balance can help partners evaluate and strengthen their connection.

Additionally, the attachment theory proposed by John Bowlby highlights how early experiences with caregivers influence adult relationships. Securely attached individuals tend to have healthier and more trusting relationships, while those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles might struggle with intimacy or fear abandonment. Recognizing these patterns can foster self-awareness and empathy within relationships.

Relationship tips for building stronger bonds

1. Prioritize quality time: In today’s fast-paced world, dedicating undivided attention to your partner is invaluable. Simple acts like sharing meals without distractions or taking a walk together can strengthen emotional intimacy.
2. Cultivate shared goals: Working towards common objectives, whether it’s saving for a trip or learning a new hobby, fosters a sense of teamwork and deepens the bond.
3. Respect individuality: While togetherness is important, respecting each other’s individuality and personal space is equally vital. Healthy relationships thrive when both partners maintain their sense of self.

Skills for empathetic communication

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. Empathy, or the ability to understand and share another’s feelings, plays a crucial role in resolving conflicts and building trust. Here are some essential counseling-inspired skills for empathetic communication:

1. Listening matters: Focus entirely on what your partner is saying without interrupting or formulating a response while they speak. Reflect back what you hear to ensure understanding. Example: “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with work. Is that right?”
2. Use “I” statements: Express your feelings without blaming your partner to prevent defensiveness. Example: Instead of saying, “You never help around the house,” try, “I feel stressed when I manage all the chores alone.”
3. Validate emotions: Acknowledge your partner’s feelings without judgment, even if you don’t fully agree. Example: “I understand why you felt hurt in that situation. Let’s work through it together.”

Role of gratitude in relationships

Gratitude is a powerful yet often overlooked aspect of healthy relationships. Expressing appreciation for your partner’s actions, qualities, and efforts fosters positivity and mutual respect. Research shows that couples who regularly practice gratitude experience higher levels of satisfaction and are better equipped to navigate challenges.

Here are ways to integrate gratitude into your relationship:

• Daily thank you: Make it a habit to thank your partner for small acts of kindness, such as making coffee or picking up groceries.
• Gratitude journaling: Share moments you’re grateful for at the end of each day to reinforce positive memories.
• Celebrate strengths: Focus on your partner’s strengths rather than their flaws. Highlight what you admire about them regularly.

This Valentine’s Day, let’s move beyond grand gestures and focus on the essence of love—understanding, empathy, and gratitude. Like Shikha and Raman’s journey, love flourishes not in fleeting moments but in the consistent, intentional efforts to connect. 

What simple, intentional promise could you make to a loved one today to foster deeper connection and understanding in your relationship?

Remember, love isn’t just about celebrating one day; it’s about building a lifetime of meaningful connections.

What is corruption? In Nepal, it is so intertwined with our polity that it has become quite hard to differentiate which is which.

In fact, corruption is in the air we breathe, the water we drink, the sun we soak in and the food we cherish. In short, corruption is omnipresent in our lives.

Still, at least for the sake of academics, what does corruption mean? Transparency International (TI) knows better. It defines corruption as the abuse of entrusted power for private gain.

A people reeling under corruption for decades need no report to show how corrupt their polity is. A silent majority, who has seen a clique with modest means become filthy rich within a couple of years or decades as if by magic, knows the extent of high-level corruption in our society.

Still, the recent Corruption Perceptions Index of the TI (CPI 2024) shows how corruption is thriving in our dear country

CPI 2024 reminds the conscious citizenry that Nepal has slid further in the CPI compared to the year 2023.

With a CPI score of 34 out of 100 in 2024, Nepal has clinched a lowly 107th position among 180 countries, slipping further from the 106th position and a score of 35 in 2023 and a slight improvement of one point compared to 2022. Overall, CPI 2024 points at Nepal’s consistently poor performance in the global corruption barometer where South Sudan figures as the most corrupt country with a score of eight points and Denmark as the least corrupt country with a score of 90.  

In South Asia, Bhutan leads with an impressive 72 points, followed by India and the Maldives (38), Nepal (34), Sri Lanka (32), Pakistan (27), Bangladesh (23) and Afghanistan (17).

A question arises, naturally: What is fueling corruption in our country? 

A quote from Delia Ferreira, chair of TI, offers an answer, at least in part: People’s indifference is the best breeding ground for corruption to grow.

This daily has been drawing the attention of the public to this scourge by bringing to the fore some of the major scandals resulting from policy level corruption.

For those, who have taken corruption as a fact of life, here’s a quote from Kurt Cobain: The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.

Summing up, a concerted, result-oriented campaign against corruption is long overdue. Let this youthful nation wake up and undertake a tough fight against this scourge, by uniting one and all.

In the quiet corners of Nepal’s bustling cities and serene villages a silent crisis is unfolding. Hidden behind veils of cultural norms, economic hardship and peace, is a chorus of silent cries echoing in the shadows. While the nation takes pride in its rich heritage and culture, resilient people, an alarming number of children and adolescents struggle with their mental health that remain unacknowledged and untreated.

Mental health issues among children in Nepal are on the rise. According to a 2023 report by UNICEF, nearly 20 percent of Nepali children show signs of anxiety, depression and other psychological conditions. Yet, only a few of them receive the help they need. In a society where mental health remains heavily criticized, their children often endure their struggles in silence, their cries enveloped by cultural norms.

Parents often push their children to excel academically, believing success in education is the only pathway to succeed in life. To add to their burden, children are often forced to follow passions or career paths chosen by their parents. They are forced into professions their parents once dreamt of but could never achieve themselves. However, this pressure can lead  to anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts. According to a 2022 study by the Nepal Health Research Council, Suicide was the leading cause of death among Nepal youths aged 15 to 24.

One of the most significant barriers in addressing the issue is societal perception of mental health. Many parents, bound by traditional beliefs and limited exposure to psychological conditions, perceive mental health conditions as a sign of weakness or even spiritual imbalance. They even believe it to be karma or some sort of evil spirit. Some parents even unacknowledged their kids’ conditions thinking they are making excuses to hold back from their responsibilities. Furthermore, the cultural emphasis on obedience and respect often leaves little room for children to voice their own dreams or dissent.

This lack of understanding and autonomy from parents is the reason why kids nowadays are distant from their parents. They seek solace elsewhere, their eyes glued to glowing screens, scrolling endlessly through the comfort of social media. They find the sense of belonging in the digital world, the happiness that seems absent at home. The only comfort or understanding they get from their parents is when they score 100 percent on a test or when they do better than some relatives’ kids. They are often called disrespectful or ungrateful when they try to isolate themselves from their parents hoping that would help them or they would find peace .

The consequences of neglect puts an impact on their social , academic and emotional behaviors, with some contemplating  self harm. Children feel like they are screaming underwater, the hidden cries not letting them find the way out. Silent cries are more dangerous than open cries as silent cries affect them from deep inside their heart and brain which leads them self-isolating, losing empathy and hating themselves. 

Despite the challenges, hope is not lost. There are many organizations and activists working tirelessly to break the stigma surrounding mental health in Nepal. But first and foremost, the house environment and family support is necessary and important as home is the place they are suffering most at.. Nepali parents are simply too uneducated about mental health; they neglect the silent cries so awareness should be spread.

In early October this year, Supreme Court Justice Prakash Man Singh Raut took charge of the judiciary as its head. Raut, a former advocate at the apex court, will lead the judiciary for nearly 18 months. While defending the special hearing at the parliament for his new role, Raut presented a 24-point action plan outlining his vision to make much-needed reforms in the judiciary.

But will CJ Raut really be able to walk the talk as the chief of a key organ of the state and restore public faith in it?

To safeguard democracy and maintain public trust, the judiciary must be fair, impartial and independent, which is a formidable task, indeed.

For Raut, the first challenge is improving the relationship between the Nepal Bar Association (NBA), an umbrella organization of Nepali attorneys, and the bench, at a time when the tussle between the two is worsening. This has resulted in delays in the appointment of judges in various courts, landing the judiciary in a mess and making the already-lethargic justice delivery system even worse.

Amid this tussle comes the apex court administration’s contempt of court case against the head of the NBA, Gopal Krishna Ghimire, in response to his demand for revisions in the ‘faulty’ Judicial Council Regulation. This comes after the council amended the regulation, placing the Supreme Court’s chief registrar at the second rank of high court if s/he gets appointed as a high court judge prompting the bar to decry the move as anti-constitutional.

NBA maintains that the council-effected change in the regulation affects career growth of senior judges working at the high court as the second rank in the court ensures early promotion to the coveted position of the chief judge and makes way for appointment as an apex court judge. NBA leaders believe the revised regulation will end up demoralizing high court judges.

Second, NBA believes that people’s faith in the judiciary is fading further with the recent judicial appointments by the council courting controversies and public criticism.

Third, certain controversial judgments on the part of the apex court over the years have tarnished the image of the apex court with the people openly criticizing them as if delays in justice delivery, corrupt practices and politicking were not enough.

Who’s responsible for this crisis in the judiciary?

Part of the blame goes to past CJs also. But is CJ Raut ready to mend ways, make a fresh start and transform the judiciary?

This question is important because the judiciary achieves legitimacy through excellent performance and impartial judgments.

At present, service-seekers feel that approaching courts for justice is a waste of time. Political agents feel safer than victims when a case lands at the courts. Public perception is that one gets justice if s/he is wealthy and/or powerful.

There’s a backlog of corruption cases in courts and if cases keep piling up with verdicts becoming a rarity, credibility of the judiciary will suffer further.

Scholars like Aristotle used to say, ‘justice is not a topic of argument but practical experience of heart’. However, that no longer remains relevant in the Nepali context.

For years, lawyers, judges, the public and other stakeholders have been demanding serious reforms within the judiciary, which has been facing some serious charges of corruption and political interference.

The actions of the Judicial Council, the apex body that appoints judges, almost always court controversy.

Owing to these factors, the new CJ should begin his reforms with the aim of enhancing the image of the judiciary as a free, fair and independent organ of the state. Obviously, the CJ can't perform this task alone, but he can at least make an honest effort.

The CJ can begin by seeking to win the trust of the NBA and the JC, especially in relation to the justice appointment process, and by taking action against judges performing below par. The JC has no other option than correcting the faulty regulation as it did not bother to consult the stakeholders while making changes in it. This move will help raise the level of public trust toward the judiciary.

The basic principles of the UN also state that the state should guarantee judicial independence, so it is the duty of all state organs, including the judiciary, to uphold judicial independence.

It’s time to steer the judiciary in the right direction by working together with all stakeholders concerned and the CJ should lead this effort.