Mind Matters | Friendship fatigue

Sometimes I feel burdened by my friendships. I feel the need to constantly communicate with them even if I am not in the right state of mind. How do I deal with this feeling and learn to approach friendships in a  healthy manner?

Answered by Kapil Sharma

Friendship forms an important part of social support that is essential for everyone. However, if we fail to maintain boundaries, it can be hard for us, which is what seems to be happening to you. This is absolutely normal. 

Looking through a psychological lens, most people have a people-pleasing tendency. People crave the validation they feel when they meet others’ expectations. Fear of rejection also leads people to prioritise friendship excessively. Consequently, boundaries tend to get blurred. Additionally, we feel the need to be constantly available for our friends, even if we feel emotionally fatigued ourselves. The fear of losing the friendship leads to us ignoring our own well-being. 

During such situations, reflect on what you truly need from your friends. You can ask yourself questions like: “Am I prioritising my well-being?”, and acknowledge the fact that your mental health matters too. This is the first step. 

Secondly, work on maintaining boundaries. This means, communicate well about your emotional availability with your friends. For example, “I’m not in the right space to talk right now. But I will reach out when I can.” 

Sometimes, a sense of guilt leads to blurring of boundaries. Reframing the guilt helps. In a healthy friendship, it’s essential for both parties to feel supported. If there is any guilt about past happenings, it should be resolved immediately. Otherwise, it will manifest in unhealthy forms. 

Clear communication is the key. Remember to prioritize quality over quantity. Instead of meeting all the time, it’s better to meet in regular intervals and communicate everything honestly. Dedicating a friendship-free time in your routine also helps. During this time, you should focus on things other than friendship such as hobbies, mindful practice, and relaxation. This helps to recharge. Even after all this, if you still struggle with boundaries and communicating, you should seek professional support.