Mind Matters | Feeling sidelined

I’ve been struggling with feelings of frustration because it seems like my family members never appreciate what I do. Whenever I achieve something significant or express my opinions, they tend to take the spotlight away from me and dismiss my contributions. How can I manage these toxic family interactions and maintain my well-being?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I understand that feeling frustrated and unappreciated by your family is incredibly difficult and can be very disheartening. Your accomplishments and opinions are important, and it’s crucial to find a way to assert their significance while also taking care of your own well-being.

Feeling frustrated and undervalued can often stem from family dynamics where your efforts may go unappreciated. These emotions might also arise from unmet emotional needs and personal fulfillment. To begin addressing these feelings, try journaling as a way to process your emotions and gain self-awareness. Write down specific instances when you felt dismissed, including the details of where, when, and what mattered. This can help you better understand and accept your feelings.

Improving and developing your communication skills can be beneficial, such as practicing assertive expression of your feelings. For example, using ‘I’ statements can foster better self-connection. Additionally, calmly and consistently sharing your boundaries with your family is important. Express to them that you would like to be appreciated and acknowledged for your roles in the family. Instead of hoping they will understand your needs on their own, gently communicating your feelings can make a big difference.

It's important to have a close support group or circle of friends where you feel comfortable and appreciated. Sharing and celebrating your achievements with trusted individuals outside your family can be very fulfilling. These friends can offer genuine responses and support, helping you feel valued. Seeking validation from close friends or individuals outside of your family can provide the encouragement and recognition that you might not always receive at home.

If you feel like you don’t have a close support group, it’s important to focus on self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your own feelings and accomplishments. Practicing self-affirmation can help with this. Reflect on what you are going through and celebrate your achievements, focusing on what has gone right rather than what has gone wrong. Embrace the mindset of ‘I’m my own best friend,’ and remind yourself that you are there for yourself.

Keep in mind that your value isn’t determined through validation of others, but rather by your own recognition of your worth and accomplishments. It’s your self-perception that should shape your sense of self-worth.

If you find that these strategies aren’t working for you, professional support might be beneficial. If your frustrations persist, seeking help from a therapist can provide you with detailed strategies to cope. Therapy offers a safe space to explore your emotions and family dynamics, and it can help you develop personalized plans to maintain your well-being.