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My nature is such that most of my decisions and reactions are based on what makes my life easier. While there is nothing wrong in thinking about your needs and taking action to fulfill them, reflecting on my patterns helped me understand how thinking only about myself could lead me to contribute to problems I was complaining about. On the surface, I would say that I wanted solutions to my problems (by wanting the other person to change). I wasn’t aware of my blame-oriented mindset until I participated in My Emotions Matter’s 10-hour Emotional Intelligence Mindset Course. I realized that I was blinded to the fact that I valued justifying myself more than finding lasting solutions to my interpersonal relationship problems. A few days ago, I had to work collaboratively with my newly married sister-in-law who values perfection. I’m someone who likes working independently with minimum micromanagement whereas my sister-in-law’s desire for perfectionism makes her want to ensure every little detail is to her liking. As a result of that need, she’s more likely to want to supervise. Given the difference in our natures, it was difficult for us to collaborate. When my sister in-law supervised me when working in the kitchen together, I saw her as someone who was acting from a place of superiority (I saw her as an obstacle I needed to overcome). I felt that she micromanaged me in every step because she wanted to prove that I was incapable of doing anything by myself. As a result of this perception, I got my defense mechanisms up and tried to do more and more things by myself with the need to prove to her that I was fully capable of working independently in the kitchen. As a more experienced person when it comes to working in the kitchen, this led her to trust me even less. She felt I was being arrogant by not considering her advice. As a result, she became more assertive, which in turn, I perceived negatively (and therefore gave me the justification that I was right in what I was doing). Looking back, I can see how we were stuck in a blame game and inviting each other to continue playing that game. Before taking this course, if someone were to ask me any question about her, I would probably rant and complain about how she just finds flaws in everything that I do. But after going through the sessions, I have now understood the place she comes from when correcting me. She values perfectionism and by virtue she has the need to correct things that are or could potentially be wrong. She does so, keeping the end goal of having perfect results in mind and not with the intention of hurting me (this was hard for me to see earlier). This reflection that I had in the session was such an eye-opener. It made me feel guilty for all the times I developed resentful feelings toward my sister-in-law when working with her. The contemplative space offered by the course gave me a chance to take an honest look at myself and my role in the problems I was complaining about. Once I found this insight about my dynamics with my sister in-law, I was no longer burdened with needing to justify my behaviors. I started seeing her as a human who supervises me not to find flaws in me but to fulfill her objective of obtaining perfect outcomes. This lowered my vindictiveness towards her and ultimately, I contributed positively to the relationship, saving it from drowning in the never ending ebbs and flows of blame and justifications. The concept of blame game has therefore taught me a few valuable lessons about our relationships: My defensiveness provokes others to also become defensive. Not realizing my contribution, I take their behaviors as proof for why I’m right for doing what I’m doing (and how others are wrong). As long as I’m in a blame-oriented mindset, I will not have the headspace to look for solutions to problems that cripples my relationships. If my mindset started (or at the very least maintained) the problem, I don’t have to wait for others for solutions. I can make the first move. I can shift my mindset. Shifting my mindset doesn’t ensure that the other person will change theirs. But as long as I’m operating from a blame-oriented mindset, it will most definitely encourage them to continue being in the same mindset. At the very least, I owe it to myself to shift to a care-oriented mindset and not make my life more complicated than it needs to be (and this is the only thing I have control over). The author is the project coordinator at My Emotions Matter, an education initiative that helps individuals and teams learn the mindset and skills of Emotional Intelligence. You can learn more at myemotionsmatter.com

Police have arrested three employees of the Nepal Mediciti Hospital in Nakkhu, Lalitpur for misappropriating over Rs 26 million. The arrestees have been identified as Raghav Sapkota of Bhimeshwor Municipality-4 in Dolakha district, Sanam Deshar of Chapagaun of Godavari Municipality-11 in Lalitpur and Aashish Aryal of Baluwatar in Kathmandu. They are found to have charged patients actual fees but kept the fake record of details by misusing the computer software, said SP Nawaraj Karki. They have been made public amid a press conference today itself. They have been remanded in custody for five days for investigation, SP Karki said.

Locals of Dhodeni in Gaindakot Municiplaity-3, Nawalprasi (Bardaghat-Susta-East) have long been compelled to fetch drinking water from a distant rivulet. The residents here have to climb up two hours to fetch a jar of water from a rivulet. Generally, the local people moved to the rivulet early in the morning and returned with a jar of water in the afternoon. Saraswoiti Acharya, a local, said there has always been a problem of drinking water in the area. 'The folks of Dhodeni have been facing acute problem of drinking water. One has to fetch a jar containing 20 liters of water from a distant rivulet', the 40-year-old Acharya added. 'All houses here have been installed with drinking water meter, but there is no water supply', she said, adding, 'One has to spend whole day to fetch limited water quantity'. The Dhodeni folks are being compelled to drink impure water from the Lahara rivulet in lack of tap water supply. The rivulet is around a kilometer away from Dhodeni having 150 households.

The Gandaki Province government has decided to extend support for the operation of 'learning by earning, earning by learning' program in public schools running technical and vocational education. It was included in the Gandaki Province government's annual policies and programs for the fiscal year 2080/81. An umbrella act will be framed to effectively implement technical education through one door policy within the province. The province has put forth a plan to formulate scholarship procedural guideline to expand the access to higher education of the most disadvantaged, Dalit, people with disability, children of conflict survivors The province policies and programs have also included a measure to bring into mainstream the religious schools and alternative schools. The Gandaki government has come up with a plan to include the contents related to moral education, art, language, culture, customs, nationalities, history, natural, religious, mythological, literature, gender mainstreaming and disaster risk reduction in the school curriculum. Under the 'province government with public campus', the Gandaki Province was planning to provide incentives based on the capacity and performance of all public campuses across the country. The province policy and program also included a plan to construct and operate a well-equipped residential school in collaboration with federal and local governments for the assurance of the right to education of the children having intellectual disability.