Submit your Article

In the sphere of modern relationships, deciphering the complex reciprocity between men and women stands as a pivotal pursuit for strengthening meaningful connections. In my personal exploration of the unique challenges defining relationships, I turned to the wisdom encapsulated in John Gray’s self-help masterpiece, ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’. This book delves into the inherent disparities in nature, needs, and communication styles between genders, drawing parallels with the celestial bodies Mars and Venus. Across its expansive chapters, the book ventures into pressing inquiries: Why do men often retreat to their caves while women seek solace in conversation? How can we master the art of motivating partners who speak different communication languages? And, crucially, how do we sustain the enchantment of love over time? Join me as we explore the nuances of relationships through the wisdom offered by John Gray’s enlightening perspectives.

Mutual respect and acceptance

Central to the narrative is the importance of mutual respect and acceptance in nurturing a flourishing relationship. The book eloquently underscores that embracing differences is paramount for love to thrive. It elucidates that women prioritize the feeling of being cherished over proving competence, where offering or seeking help is not perceived as a sign of weakness but rather as a testament to emotional intimacy. Conversely, men thrive when they feel valued and needed, with the absence of such acknowledgment potentially leading to passivity. The narrative accentuates the significance of women feeling cared for and respected, enabling them to contribute more profoundly to the relationship, while men, in turn, flourish when they perceive their significance within the partnership.

Importance of effective communication in relationships

A cornerstone of the book lies in its pragmatic guidance on encouraging effective communication in relationships, catering to the nuanced needs of both genders. It advocates for active engagement from both parties, emphasizing that expressing concerns does not equate to assigning blame—a notion particularly relevant for men. Similarly, when women voice complaints, it often serves as a means of venting frustrations rather than an indictment. Women are encouraged to convey appreciation even amidst moments of complaint, fostering an environment of mutual understanding and support. The bedrock of resilient relationships lies in communication that embraces inherent differences with open arms, paving the way for acceptance and respect. In times of misunderstanding, it’s imperative to recognize the distinct languages we speak and invest the necessary time to decipher the true intentions or sentiments of our partners. While mastering this skill requires practice, the dividends it yields are undeniably invaluable.

The twelve kinds of love

Among the plethora of practical insights, one concept that resonated deeply with me is encapsulated in ‘The twelve kinds of love’. This framework elucidates that our emotional needs fundamentally revolve around the universal desire for love. Both men and women encompass six distinct love needs, each holding equal significance. Men seek trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement, while women yearn for caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. Grazing these twelve facets of love serves as a compass in understanding the powerful landscape of our partner’s needs. Notably, the book emphasizes women’s need for diverse expressions of love as a genuine necessity rather than a mere preference. The analogy of a woman’s love tank, akin to a car’s gas tank, underscores the continuous effort required to sustain her sense of being loved, evoking responses of trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement.

Nurturing affection for women

The book introduces an array of subtle yet potent techniques for men to nurture their partner’s affection. It underscores the importance of promptly seeking her presence, warmly embracing her, and displaying attentiveness by inquiring about her day in specific detail. Furthermore, it advocates for the cultivation of active listening skills and engagement through thoughtful questioning. Simultaneously, it highlights the significance of offering validation during moments of distress or upset, coupled with clear communication when needing space, reassuring her of eventual return or the necessity for personal reflection.

Effectively motivating men

Similarly, the book offers invaluable insights into effectively motivating men, stressing the importance of clear communication when seeking support. It outlines key strategies, such as being direct, keeping interactions brief, and employing phrases like ‘would you’ or ‘will you’ for optimal results. Additionally, it underscores the significance of adhering to certain principles when requesting assistance from a male partner, including appropriate timing, maintaining a non-demanding demeanor, and using precise language to avert potential disinterest.

Relationship as a garden

In its conclusion, the book skillfully likens a relationship to a garden, underscoring the necessity for regular care and attention to flourish. It elucidates the concept of understanding the seasons of love: the Springtime of Love symbolizes the initial stage, characterized by bliss and harmony; the Summer of Love presents challenges as imperfections surface, demanding commitment and effort to sustain the relationship; the Autumn of Love signifies maturity, where invested efforts yield a rich and fulfilling connection; and the Winter of Love represents a period of reflection and individual growth, confronting unresolved issues. Through this cyclical journey, the book suggests that by nurturing and healing oneself, individuals can rediscover the hopeful and abundant feelings of the Springtime of Love once more.

One of my earliest childhood memories is traveling to Lucknow, India, with my parents. We went to the city in Northern India, where both my parents went to college, almost every year during December or January when school closed for the winter. I remember the permeating smell of food on the streets of Aminabad, which at that time I found nauseating. This one time, we were at a restaurant and the lights went out. I could tell our food was ready before it reached the table by the sudden waft of butter chicken.

My father likes to say this is a contrived memory. But I didn’t enjoy spices-laden Indian food as much as he did (and still does) so I clearly remember how I felt at that moment. There is no way I’m making that up. My parents like traveling to India, more than any other part of the world. It’s because the food is so good, they say. It’s agreeable with the Nepali palate. As a child, I was more of a fan of western food like donuts, sandwiches, burgers, pizzas et.al. Butter chicken, tandoori, biryani, naans, and rotis weren’t my thing.

But as I grew up, I started liking Indian food, not the heavy-on-oil curries but the dum biryanis, garlic naan, kebabs, and such. During the Covid-19 lockdowns, I even took to trying to recreate some of my favorites. I made Hyderabadi biryani and the once abhorred butter chicken too. Though YouTube provides a plethora of recipes to whip up some delicious food, I find I enjoy having a hard copy of recipes. Seeing the ingredients list and cooking steps in pointers makes me believe I can make the perfect dish. I’m a whimsical cook and a dish never tastes the same twice. And this is where cookbooks come in.

‘Indian Flavor Every Day’ by Maya Kaimal is a handy guidebook to have if you want to cook some hearty meals with the least amount of effort. The book has everything you need to make cooking joyful and possible with a handful of essential ingredients. She also runs you through some basics, like the kind of spices to have in your pantry and what alternatives you can use in case you run out of something. There is some great advice on food prep and storage as well.

There are many vegetarian, gluten-free, and wholesome meal recipes. Indian Flavor Every Day has both simplified classic dishes and new twists. The author, who is the founder of the Maya Kaimal brand of prepared foods and sauces, guides you through the foundations of bringing out brilliant Indian flavors in your food. Peppered with colorful photos, the book, which is Kaimal’s third cookbook, has everything you could ever wish to make and savor—from crunchy snacks to spicy noodles and curries.

This is a book I sit down with, even when I’m not in the process of making anything. It’s just fun to read her suggestions and look at all the wonderful photos. More often than not, I’m inspired to try something new. Indian Flavor Every Day making restaurant food accessible and healthy.

Indian Flavors Every Day

Maya Kaimal

Cover design by Ian Dingman

Cover photographs by Eva Kolenko

Publisher: Clarkson Potter Publishers

Pages: 239, Hardcover

I read ‘The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic’ by Sophie Kinsella during high school. It’s the first book in the Shopaholic series. I still have a copy of the book, and it’s the one I read back in school. The pages are a little yellowed and the smell is heavenly. I read it again recently when I was bored and, 20 years later, the book holds the same appeal. I couldn’t stop reading it. Becky is such a frivolous but endearing character. I now want to rewatch its movie adaptation, starring Isla Fisher as Rebecca Bloomwood, that came out nine years after the book’s release. It’s every bit as hilarious as the novel. 

Alternatively titled ‘Confessions of a Shopaholic’ the story follows Rebecca (Becky) who loves to shop. Whether she can afford it is another matter altogether. Becky is a financial journalist. She tells other people how to manage their money. In reality, she doesn’t have a grip on her finances. The answer to all her problems is retail therapy. She knows it’s not a good habit but she can’t stop. This gets her in messy situations which get even messier when she tries to find a way out of them. As her unpaid overdrafts become unmanageable, will Becky be able to find a solution? And what about her desire to find true love? 

In addition to her shopping addiction, Becky’s tendency to spew out absurd lies without thinking to explain her silly purchases lands her in difficult situations. In funny moments, she manages to position herself in embarrassing ways. She comes across as rather dramatic. It endears her to the reader. You know she’s not bad at heart but perhaps just down on her luck. You can also see that she’s not losing hope, that she’s trying to pull herself together. You realize there’s a Becky in all of us and that relatability, I believe, is what makes the book series work. 

The other books in the series are as funny. Reading them in order helps you keep track of what’s happening in Becky’s life but you can pick up a book at random and it will still make sense. I loaned ‘Shopaholic and Sister’ to a friend who had never read the series before and she loved it. Now, she has borrowed a couple of more books in the series. Read the book (and the rest of the series) if you want a lighthearted read that doesn’t require you to exercise your brain muscles.

Fiction

The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic

Sophie Kinsella

Published: 2000

Publisher: Black Swan

Pages: 317, Paperback

Gurcharan Das’ latest book, a memoir entitled ‘Another Sort of Freedom’ is a compilation of reflections on the author’s own life events, from early childhood till his septuagenarian days. In order to write about his early childhood, he utilizes the diary of his mother. From his mother’s diary, he concludes that he was a difficult child.

The initial part of the book recollects his childhood as a troublemaker, how partition destroyed the lives of Muslim and Hindu people, divided the communities, and created hatred for one another. The partition’s hangover is still vivid to the author as he along with his family had to leave Punjab without any preparations, just with clothes, a few essentials and importantly their own physical bodies. Gurcharan recalls the memory of his junior school days frequently throughout the book, especially that of the stealing of a rich kid’s pencil box and handing it over to a poor Muslim friend Ayan without anybody knowing about it. Later, the blame rests upon Ayan who is punished and the author, despite his interest to save Ayan, keeps silent and becomes a mere spectator. The author regrets this throughout his life for not speaking up the truth and saving his friend.

The author’s life seems to be interesting for readers who find him traveling to many countries frequently. Initially, he gets the opportunity to study high school in the US because his father is a government engineer. Later, the author secures enrollment in Harvard University for an honors degree in philosophy. Instead of taking the path of Doctor of Philosophy, he decides to try his luck in business, starting his career as a sales manager. The journey of his life is written in a linear and vivid fashion. He follows his heart and despite many hurdles in his career, he continues to progress ahead and becomes a manager at a young age. There are many stories of his career, something mid-career professionals can get inspired from.

There are a few connections with Nepal in the book. Donald J, the roommate of the author, who happens to be an avid reader of Nietzsche, leaves a copy of ‘Thus Spake Zarathushra’ to the author when he leaves for a trek to Nepal. Gurcharan falls in love with Nepali woman Bunu whom he encounters at a theater. There are some cultural differences between Nepali and Indian traditions which the author narrates as they were. Though there were mishaps in the wedding ceremony, the author manages to fix them right. The author’s meetings with different people in his life gives him lessons about life to live lightly. The core message Gurcharan preaches is, “Take your work seriously but do not take yourself seriously.” The words like ‘lightness’ and ‘lightly’ are repeated in many instances to emphasize that our being should be light. One should not take oneself too seriously and perhaps due to the same reason, the author follows the heart and takes an early retirement after reaching the top of his corporate career.

The author also shares life incidents when he seems to be pressured by the corporate rat race. Without any remorse, he shares how he had started to speak to himself alone and how he thought depression was taking his life. In such difficult phases, he sought the reference of the ‘Upanishad’ and drew analogy. He says that man’s search for meaning is due to the second Upanishadic bird that is the observer of the first bird, our regular physical body that follows the daily routine. That same second Upanishadic bird questioned the dull routine of the clock following man, without any natural joy. Following the same bird, Gurcharan takes an early retirement from Procter & Gamble as a vice-president in order to become a full-time writer. Though the writing job was a Sisyphean task to him, similar to the business career he was in, he found more freedom and satisfaction in the writing job, which he used to do as a weekend writer, just after graduating from Harvard and joining the business world.

The book is profound and philosophical, allowing readers to draw many comparisons and contrasts between the author and oneself, inspires us to live lightly and follow our natural instincts. Personally, reading ‘Another Sort of Freedom’ took me to the memory lane of reading the ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’.

Autobiography 

https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/199623354 

Another Sort of Freedom

Gurcharan Das

Year: 2023

Publisher: Penguin Allen Lane

Pages: 296