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News of violence causes much furor. There are rallies and sit-ins, protesting against the violation of human rights and demanding the government punish the culprits immediately. As necessary as that might be to ensure justice, we should perhaps mull over the idea of violence-reduction rather than just reacting to its consequences. A good place to start, I believe, could be each one of us speaking up in situations that might trigger violence.

There is generally an eerie silence around violence until it results in a rape or murder. People would rather turn the other way and walk away than get involved in matters that don’t concern them. A public brawl will draw spectators but no one will try to stop it. We turn a blind eye to domestic violence, terming it ‘buda-budi ko jhagada’—something that must be resolved in private. We make many excuses for men’s acts of violence at home: He must have been stressed, the workload was immense and he snapped, he didn’t know what he was doing because he was drunk, being some of the most absurd yet common ones.

My next-door neighbors are raucous. The father and his two sons get into heated arguments and throw things around. The scathing language they use makes my ears bleed. My husband tells me they have always been nasty. Recently, one of the sons reportedly hit the father before leaving the house in a fit of rage. I’m sure everyone in the neighborhood stops doing whatever it is they were doing and listens in on the drama—there is never such pin-drop silence otherwise—but they all draw their curtains and shut their doors.

While it’s important to be mindful of people’s boundaries, maybe a simple ‘what’s wrong?’ might make these men more conscious of their actions. I think no one, not even the neighbors across the street whom they are super chummy with, ever inquiring about the hullabaloo they create has made them bolder. Their fights have gotten worse and they go on for longer.   

Advocate Ishan Raj Onta says intervening is a personal choice and there is no right or wrong. However, as a part of a society that is actively changing, it might be necessary to not let things slide as personal matters in order to stop them from spiraling out of control. Two years ago, Jenny Khadka’s husband threw acid at her because, having had enough of his abuses, she had run away from him. The incident occurred in Kalopul in Kathmandu where her family had been living for years. “There were many people around when my ex-husband was threatening to throw acid at me. Nobody said a word. They just gawked or hurried away. And most of them knew me and my family,” says Jenny.

She says she wished someone would say something. She believes it would have deterred him. The fact that no one spoke gave him courage and made him feel he could get away with it. Jenny suffered 20 percent burns and spent two months at hospital where she underwent nine surgeries. Her story makes me shudder every time I think about it. After Jenny was attacked, no one came to her rescue. It was only after a while that two people helped her: A man gave her a bottle of water to pour over the skin that acid was eating away and a lady passing by on a scooter stopped to see why she was yelling and made arrangements to take her to the hospital. Till then, it was all whispers and surreptitious glances. No one called the ambulance or the police. People watched while she screamed in pain. Doesn’t apathy make us equally guilty of a crime?

Onta says all it takes is for one person to break the silence and more voices will join in. The chain reaction is immense and impactful, he says. He shares a simple incident, as an example. Recently, on the airplane shuttle he was on he saw someone toss a food wrapper on the floor. He could feel many people stiffen but no one said a word. Onta decided to speak up and told the man to pick up his trash. At least five more people supported him. “There will be others like you who will eventually speak up. People tend to hesitate. Someone needs to start and that creates a ripple effect,” he says.

Every society has conflicts, he adds, but how we deal with them is an indicator of how far we have come. Conflict, he says, is a result of low tolerance and little interaction. It can be dealt with in a civilized way, without leading to violence, if people engage in constructive dialogue. But, according to psychologist Minakshi Rana, it’s people’s inability to accept views contrary to their own that prevents effective communication.

Rana adds that ours is a shy society that prefers to keep violence hidden rather than confront it. But that, she says, is a harmful practice. If we let it go on, the anger that simmers underneath will eventually boil over. Talking about my neighbors, the psychologist says the animosity that’s there in the family might spill over elsewhere. Studies have shown that the longer a situation is allowed to escalate the greater the risk that it will result in aggressive behavior and violence.

However, intervening doesn’t necessarily mean self-involvement, as in physically trying to break up the altercation. Onta says you should assess the risk before getting involved, lest you make matters worse. But you can call the police and report the incident. Rana says she has done that quite a few times. Recently, she saw a man beat up a woman in her locality and promptly dialed 100. Actions like these can prevent circumstances from worsening and nip violence in the bud.

We tend to hold the government accountable for everything that happens in our society. And while plans and policies are imperative long-term solutions, individual action is just as essential and could be the key in mitigating violence.

Before Tootle, a ride-sharing service, was launched in late 2016, followed by Pathao in September 2018, your transport options to get to college or to a friend’s birthday treat at that swanky new restaurant in Durbar Marg were limited.

It was either stuffy microbuses where you would definitely be seated cheek by jowl or limited-capacity safa tempos with, if you were lucky, someone else’s bulging bag poking your sides, or else a baby gurgling and kicking you with dirty shoes. The regular big buses, when you dared to take those, had you praying for dear life, if all your attention wasn’t on keeping a safe distance from the man with slicked back hair ogling at you. Taxis, oh how you wished you could afford those.

With Tootle and Pathao, you could book a scooter or motorbike ride at a nominal fee. Even better, you were picked up from your exact location. You didn’t have to walk to the bus stop or bargain with a taxi driver. It was a novelty that gave youngsters the option to travel comfortably and cheaply. But it didn’t go down well with transport entrepreneurs, especially the taxi association, who claimed that these services were not only eating into their businesses but also illegal. Time and again, taxi drivers in Kathmandu have demanded the government put an end to the use of private vehicles for public transport.

The Department of Transport Management, under the Ministry of Physical Infrastructure and Transport, has tried to ban Tootle and Pathao multiple times but each time, due to public uproar, the services have been resumed. In November 2020, another ride-sharing service, Sawarima, was launched. The popularity of ride-sharing services seems to have only grown. But the debate on whether they should be allowed to operate rages on. Ashok Dhamala, CEO, Book Cab Now, says red-plate vehicles are meant for private use only. These vehicles pay less tax than black-plate ones and letting them ferry passengers gives them an unfair market advantage.

However, Samikshya Adhikari says she doesn’t want the government to rule against ride-sharing services. Life without Pathao is unimaginable, says the 22-year-old post-grad student. If the service were to be unavailable, commuting in Kathmandu would be a nightmare. What takes 30 minutes on Pathao, would otherwise take an hour or more. It would also be expensive—used to the comforts of a private ride for two years now she doesn’t see herself getting on a crowded bus again. “I have a scooter but I have yet to learn how to ride it. Pathao is so convenient, plus you can totally escape the hassle of parking. If ride-sharing were to be discontinued, I’d have to buckle up and get a driving license, I suppose,” she says.

Majority of people who use Tootle or Pathao are young—either students or those who have newly joined the workforce. For them, commuting needs to be efficient and budget-friendly because two things youngsters are mostly strapped on are time and money. Those who use the services also say it’s the best way to commute in a city like Kathmandu that’s already choc-a-bloc with vehicles. Rozina Baral, 23, feels Kathmandu without Tootle or Pathao would just mean more two-wheelers on the road. Every other person would buy a scooter or bike as soon as they reached the legal age to drive. The consequences of that on the environment as well as city traffic are immense. Ride-sharing, she says, ensures less carbon-footprint.

Also, Kathmandu is mostly a network of alleys. Navigating them on bikes is much easier, say the users of ride-sharing services. No Tootle or Pathao, Adhikari adds, means having to get off at various inconveniently located stop points and walking for at least 15- 20 minutes to get to your destination. Not just that, there’s also the fact that ride-sharing services have given young women, who don’t own bikes or cars, the confidence to work late. Baral says not having to worry about wrapping up work in time to catch the last bus home puts her at ease and allows her to focus. If Kathmandu didn’t offer ride-sharing services, many, especially women without their own vehicles, wouldn’t be able to work odd hours that various competitive jobs sometimes ask for, further tipping the scale in men’s favor.

With over a million downloads each of the Tootle and Pathao app, there’s no denying that ride-sharing has become an essential service. So much so that many relying on them for their daily commutes claim to have been disappointed when they didn’t resume their services immediately after the Covid-19 lockdowns. The pandemic made ride-sharing even more popular because it felt safer, says marketing manager of Pathao, Surakshya Hamal. Currently, Patho has 30-35,000 active riders and gets around 50,000 ride requests in a day.

Sachhyam Man Singh Pradhan, 22, who has been using either Tootle or Pathao for four years now, says Kathmandu needs ride-sharing services. Without them, the cost of commuting would go up and a major chunk of your day would be wasted on getting from one place to another. Pradhan, who spends approximately Rs 10,000 a month on transport, adds that ride-sharing has, for many, also become a good source of secondary income. Anyone who has a bike can register with these services and at least make enough to cover fuel costs.

Sixit Bhatta, entrepreneur, co-founder/CEO of Tootle, says the goal behind the ride-sharing service was to find a solution for easy mobility and that his team wanted Tootle to grow organically, and it did. It wasn’t a possibility as much as an eventuality, says Bhatta. Innovation, he adds, is always accepted but it also gets a fair share of resistance when there is market monopoly.

But in the view of Sanjit Paudel, MD of Easy Taxi, if Tootle and Pathao weren’t around, it wouldn’t mean more business for taxis because the crowds they cater to are different. The opposition to ride-sharing services, he adds, is actually an opposition to a system with random rules that favors some and victimizes others.

“Taxi services are okay with competition as long as it is fair. Tootle and Pathao can have arbitrary pricing but the rest have to wait for a nod from the government for a fee hike. That is what doesn’t sit right with us,” he says. 

While there is a need to iron out the wrinkles, Tootle and Pathao are operating within the system and creating job opportunities while at it. Rajesh Shrestha, 40, a rider with Tootle for the past four and half years, says no ride-sharing in Kathmandu would increase the unemployment rate. Shrestha was a painter but the job was tiresome and left him exhausted. He also didn’t have the freedom to take a break. Being a rider for Tootle gives him the liberty to work at his own pace while earning as much as, if not more than, he did at his previous job.

“If there were no Tootle or Pathao, life would be inconvenient for some but for those who make a living from it, it would mean a lot of uncertainty and hardship,” says Shrestha.

Kathmandu’s public transport has always been problematic. Reckless driving aside, it’s insulting to have to contort yourself to fit a space that can’t even comfortably seat a child. Then the process of having to get out of a bus or tempo is even more harrowing. It’s a gradual unfurling out of the vehicle versus being spit out. Taking taxis every day just isn’t possible so without Tootle and Pathao, we would be back to that sad, uncomfortable reality.

News of suicides are always followed by reports on how mental health issues need to be addressed—the insinuation being suicide can be prevented if there is greater awareness about anxiety, depression and other such conditions and efforts are made to normalize afflictions of the mind as any other health issue. While that might be true, it’s also important to acknowledge and work on the stressors—violence, discrimination, societal isolation, financial difficulties et al.—that give rise to mental health problems, eventually driving some people to suicide. 

According to Nepal Police data, 7,141 people committed suicide in the fiscal 2020/21, up from 6,252 the year before. The common rationale behind the spike was that the Covid-19 pandemic and the subsequent lockdowns took a toll on people’s mental wellbeing. But experts say the pandemic only exacerbated what has been a major public health issue for years. Suicide, they say, has been one of the leading causes of death in Nepal, with the number of cases increasing every year. What’s more, they agree that because of under-reporting the actual number of cases is way higher than what the police records show. 

According to Manju Khatiwada, undersecretary, National Human Rights Commission (NHRC), suicide has thus far been a neglected problem in Nepal. Often, families of those who commit suicide don’t want to accept that maybe there was an underlying problem. It’s something our society wants to brush under the carpet. There aren’t any national level plans and policies to make people aware of mental health issues or to tackle the various factors that ultimately lead to them. 

“It’s high time we studied why people commit suicide and address the root cause. So far, it’s been cloaked as a mental health problem and we all know what a taboo that is in our society,” says Khatiwada. Suicide, she adds, often stems from a violation of basic human rights. In an apathetic society like ours with rigid norms, each individual’s right to a dignified life is perhaps the last thing that occurs to most people while passing sweeping judgements and discriminating others on the basis of caste, sex, economic background and such. Society neither realizes nor cares about the implications of its actions on people’s mental health. 

Under the surface

Parbati Shrestha, project coordinator at Transcultural Psychosocial Organization Nepal, says not much has been done to prevent suicides. The cases that we hear of are just the tip of the iceberg, she says. Scratch the surface and you will find many social issues that could potentially be suicide triggers. She, like Khatiwada, sees the need to discuss and investigate every suicide and find out the cause behind it. Only when there are more discussions on the factors behind suicides will we be able to inch our way into solving the massive problem it is. 

“When someone commits suicide, we blame the person and condemn the act. We don’t look into our actions to see if we had, knowingly or unknowingly, created an unfavorable environment for them,” says Shrestha, adding many societal issues need to be fixed in order to provide people healthy coping mechanisms and be in a place to seek help, if needed. 

The problem, experts agree, is also that people can’t openly talk about what’s bothering them like, for instance, money woes, marital discord, abuse, postpartum depression, etc. They fear being blamed and stigmatized—for not doing enough or being strong enough. The problem festers, says Shrestha, and sometimes people see no way out other than ending their lives.

Nepal Police spokesperson Basanta Bahadur Kunwar says suicide cases shot up during the pandemic. Though the pandemic undoubtedly impacted people’s mental health, we can’t also ignore that there were many hidden issues that surfaced and snowballed out of people’s control. 

Blue Diamond Society’s president and rights activist Pinky Gurung agrees. The LGBTIQA+ community has always struggled with multiple issues—from identity crisis to lack of familial and/or partner support. The pandemic only made them glaringly obvious. That coupled with isolation and uncertainty was traumatic. Many people in the community, who already felt lonely and disrespected, couldn’t bear it any more. So far, 24 people of the community have committed suicide and around 15 more have attempted it since the start of the pandemic. 

“People in our community aren’t loved, even by their own families, and this leads to a lot of hurt. You need to understand that the sadness they feel is a reaction to that pain. Talking to someone or seeking medical help is the last thing on their mind. Frankly though, even if they opened up, does anyone even care?” asks Gurung. 

Studies show the LGBTIQA+ community is at higher risk of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and even suicide. The triggers of these mental health conditions are often lack of family support and dignity as well as the ostracization and humiliation they face on a daily basis. Despite the findings of the studies, Gurung laments that nothing has been done to tackle the issue. There is also zero awareness about mental health in the LGBTIQA+ community, she says. 

Integrated approach

Of late, there have been some positive developments though. This is the first time the United Nations has made recommendations to Nepal to look into the causes of suicide and work on them, says undersecretary Khatiwada. It has recommended that Nepal develop and implement a national strategy and action plan for the prevention of suicide. It has also highlighted the need for reliable data collection and addressing the social stigma associated with suicide.

Psychiatrist Dr Kanchan Dahal says suicide is complex, that there isn’t one particular reason why people get to the point where death seems like the only answer. But, often, the driving force is some sort of trauma and a sense of helplessness that comes with it. Also, for some, it might be an impulsive decision, while for others, it could be something that was planned for a while. The fact remains that behind every decision lies immense stress—be it physical, mental, or emotional—and the inability to see a way out of it. 

“The pandemic affected people in ways we can’t even begin to imagine. Some were locked at home with their violent spouses. People were worried about whether they would be able to feed their families. There was also the stress of not knowing how to cope with this discomfiting experience,” says Dr Dahal. Many in the low- and middle-income groups lost their jobs, and families that relied on remittance were left without any income. There was extreme food scarcity. What was unfortunate here, adds Dr Dahal, is that the government didn’t come to people’s aid. He believes many suicides could have been prevented had the government come up with a proper plan to mitigate the sufferings of daily-wage earners. 

“I’m not negating the fact that people might need help to deal with mental health illnesses and that there should be more awareness and acceptance of these issues. But we also need to focus on the circumstances that lead to mental health problems,” says Dr Dahal. Another thing that’s needed is sensitive reporting of suicide, without divulging details of cases. Otherwise, suicide is glorified, giving people ideas. 

All said and done, a major responsibility also lies on families to be attuned to the changing moods and behavioral patterns of their loved ones. We also have to emphasize the importance of healthy relationships and learning to control our emotions. NHRC’s Khatiwada stresses the need to change our socialization process, which, in its current state, she adds, is the root of all evil.  

“We need to understand the importance of the live-and-let-live principle, whereby no one is subject to unwarranted stress and shame. Suicide prevention needs an integrated approach where many larger factors must be considered but a good place to start is definitely in our homes,” says Khatiwada. The need of the hour, she adds, is a non-hostile environment where people feel accepted and valued. 

The unanimous opinion was that we live in a very stressful environment that isn’t conducive to growth and sound mental state. The conversation around mental health, though crucial, can only help so much when the social ills that lead to them are sidelined. 

Nepal Police data shows that, in 2020/21, 4,222 men and 2,919 women committed suicide, of whom 764 were minors. The actual figure is at least three times higher, say experts ApEx spoke to. Suicide cases are under-reported, with families and communities trying to hide the fact, mostly because of the societal stigma attached to mental health. We would rather blame the victim for a ‘lapse of judgement’ rather than admit there might have been something simmering beneath the surface. It’s the social equivalent of the ostrich effect.

According to a survey conducted by Danphe Care, a Kathmandu-based healthcare management company, 60 to 70 percent youths suffer from some sort of mental health issue, be it panic attacks, anxiety or depression. Out of this, 10 percent were found to be suicidal. Kabin Maleku, program coordinator at Danphe Care, says a lot of people who suffered from mental health problems after the 2015 earthquakes experienced a relapse during the Covid-19 pandemic and the subsequent lockdowns.

While addressing mental health issues is paramount, we also need to pay attention to the various factors that promote anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. The focus also needs to be on creating a favorable environment that curbs mental health disorders.

Padma Prasad Ghimire, chairman of SAMMAN, a non-profit, says issues like poverty, violence, and discrimination have to be tackled on a national level to control and stop suicide. Suicide, he says, has deep social and economic implications and Nepal government must treat it as an emergency. Currently, priority isn’t given to suicide prevention. Alongside normalizing mental health as any other physiological issue, Ghimire sees the necessity of being on problem-solving mode. By that, he means tackling issues that could potentially trigger mental health problems.

The consensus among experts was that a lot of work needs to be done in different areas to even come close to understanding what drives people to commit suicide. That is where we must start, says undersecretary of National Human Rights Commission, Manju Khatiwada, adding, suicide is treated as a social malady and people would rather not discuss it. That in itself, she says, hints at deep-rooted problems that must be urgently addressed.

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A crime as heinous as rape should be punishable by death. That’s the popular opinion in Nepal, made evident by the demands for the reinstatement of capital punishment time and again. Many people seem to believe it’s the only sentence that is befitting of rapists. It would, they insist, as an added bonus, also decrease the incidence of rapes.

But experts ApEx spoke to say if Nepal had the provision of death for rape, it would not only be a regressive step for the judicial system and the society but it would most certainly be misused. In a corrupt system like ours, capital punishment will put more power in the hands of those who are already powerful while victimizing ones who have no political influence and connection. In other words, it will be like sending lambs to slaughter. 

Mohna Ansari, lawyer, human rights advocate and former commissioner of the National Human Rights Commission (NHRC), says death penalty isn’t the solution to rapes. In a country where people are still struggling to have their basic rights met and gender disparity is all too rampant, there is simply no awareness of crimes and their repercussions. “We have to focus on building a society with strong morals and values. It’s going to take time but that’s the only way to prevent rapes and other gender-based violence,” she says.

Manju Khatiwada, undersecretary at NHRC, says rape is a result of patriarchy—a social conditioning that makes boys revel in their superiority from very early on. Unless we are able to change that environment with awareness, education and financial independence of women, the situation isn’t likely to improve. “Raping a woman is often an assertion of power and dominance. When men feel superior to women simply because they are men, it gives them the liberty to do as they please,” she says.

In Tara Kaushal’s book ‘Why Men Rape’, an 18-year-old boy in Uttar Pradesh, India, says most women are ‘kaam chalau’, to only be used for sex. The boy, Dipu Raja Yadav, was involved in a gang rape. In the course of being interviewed for the book, he tells Kaushal, “Krishna had 108 gopis, but for Radha he was the only one. A boy can never be shamed even if he goes around with ten girls. He will also be praised for it.”

At the root of violence and rape lie this use-and-throw attitude and men’s utter lack of respect for women, say experts, adding fear of punishment won’t change that. Who, really, is thinking of the consequences when you are driven by a logic that has been passed on for generations?

However, rape is an extreme violation of human rights. But more often than not, what follows rape is just as traumatic, if not more—for the victims and their families because of the social stigma that comes with it. A woman’s dignity is solely associated with her virginity. Our patriarchal society doesn’t concern itself with the fact that in a sexual act there are two parties involved. Ergo, women who are raped are blamed, shamed, and ostracized.

She must have done something to give him ideas, why was she out so late at night?, have you seen the way she dresses?, she had many boyfriends, etc.—there are so many inane reasons the society comes up with to excuse the perpetrators’ behavior. Rapists often know they will get away with a slap on their wrists. It’s this mindset that tries to pin the blame on the woman and a system that protects the perpetrator that further promote violence.

Also, for capital punishment to work, you have to be able to determine, beyond a shadow of doubt, that the accused is guilty. Consider the state of our investigating bodies and the government. Negligence in evidence collection, poor investigation, and political protection of perpetrators are the major hindrances in ensuring justice.

Khatiwada adds that rape cases aren’t handled sensitively in Nepal. There is often a lot of police mediation for out-of-court settlements. All too often, victims are threatened and coerced into keeping quiet or taking back their statements. According to parliamentarian Pushpa Bhusal, innocent people could end up being implicated and persecuted. If they were to be sentenced to death, it would be an irrevocable loss. The alternative, she says, could be life imprisonment. 

Advocate Raunaq Singh Adhikari says cruelty is never the answer. Our legal system, he says, is retributive and reformative. Criminals too must be given a chance to change. By implementing the death penalty, which Nepal abolished in 1947 (becoming the first country in South Asia to do so), we are taking away the basic right to life as guaranteed by the constitution of Nepal and negating all the progress we have made so far. 

Adhikari also adds there is no evidence of any kind to support the claims made by those clamoring for capital punishment—that death penalty will deter rapists. Take India, where six months after four convicts in the Nirbhaya gang rape-and-murder case were hung to death in March 2020, a 19-year-old Dalit woman was gang-raped by four men in the Harthras district in Uttar Pradesh. Government report suggests one rape is reported every 16 minutes.

It isn’t the severity of the punishment but the guarantee that punishment will be dished out and done so on time that can deter rape, say experts. The problem is that rapists or criminals think they can get away with a crime. Our legal and justice systems aren’t strong enough. They don’t instill faith in the victim or fear in the accused.

“Our law has loopholes. We need to fix that. For starters, we could do away with the one-year statute of limitation on lodging an FIR for rape. That way, perpetrators will always fear punishment even if they have managed to cajole or threaten the victim to initially not report the crime,” says undersecretary Khatiwada.

Instead of death penalty, what’s needed is a strict implementation of the criminal code that came into effect in August 2018, which increased maximum imprisonment to 25 years from the earlier 15 years. Experts’ opinion is unanimous: The investigative agencies should be held accountable and anyone protecting criminals should also be prosecuted. An eye for an eye, which is what a death sentence is, shouldn’t be the basis of any progressive society. No matter how barbaric the crime, the reaction to it always needs to be civilized.

Twenty years ago, home science was an optional subject in the SLC syllabus. In my all-girls school, however, it was compulsory. We were taught to cook, sew petticoats and baby dresses, and knit socks and sweaters. Some of us wanted to study accounts while others wished for computer classes. But our principal insisted on home science because [in the future, when you were married and had children] “would you rush to the tailors’ and ask her to sew on a loose button on your husband’s shirt as he got ready for work?”

I’m married to a man who irons our clothes, cleans the bathroom and peels water-soaked almonds for breakfast in the morning and does many other chores that are traditionally and perhaps still considered a ‘woman’s job’. I’ve been berated by quite a few relatives for ‘allowing’ my husband to do these things around the house. I’ve also explicitly been told I’m not a ‘good’ wife. My house-help suggests that maybe she or I should set the table for lunch instead of dai. She rushes with the placemats if he hasn’t gotten around to it already. Men shouldn’t do these things, she tells me.

“The moment you are born, you are slotted into these boxes that determine what you can and can’t do, and how you should and shouldn’t be based on your gender. Our social setting and programming promote disparity from very early on,” says human rights activist Sabitra Dhakal.  

And indeed, women have always been conditioned to be a certain way and to live their lives in accordance to someone else’s—as a daughter, a wife, and a mother. Their roles in relation to others take precedence over who they are as individuals. Dhakal says women have a society-assigned identity. Society, she says, has long determined what is and isn’t accepted of women and a slight deviation is enough to warrant name calling and slut shaming.

Take for instance all the uproar over Priyanka Karki’s Instagram post where she is seen happily flaunting her baby bump. From calling her photos obscene to blaming her for polluting young minds, there’s no line that’s not been crossed. Thankfully, and more power to her, the actor says none of it has affected her. But what right did we have to violate her personal space in the first place? In a society where the neighbors will openly ask a newly-married couple when they are planning to have a baby, why is it unacceptable for a woman to want to document the various stages of it?

Durga Karki, advocate and author of the book Kumari Prasnaharu, says women have to face multiple barriers and limitations in life. The same conditions, she adds, don’t extend to men. Our culture today that controls, questions and ridicules women at every turn, is a result of years of unfairness and dominance. It’s going to take a lot of work, on a national level, for this to change, she adds.

The discourse on social media, on equality and empowerment, are important but it has to lead to actual laws and rights in favor of women if we are to ever hope for our societal structure to change. Conversations, though important, can only do so much, says Karki who believes our political climate and space also need to be welcoming of women in power. The government should lead by example and be liberal in its ideology of women and their rights.

But our society’s attitude towards women boils down to lack of respect and the unwillingness to give women any personal space, says journalist Anjali Subedi. This society, she says, also has a strict code of conduct for women and anything outside of it is unfathomable and unacceptable.

Worse, women aren’t women’s biggest cheerleaders. It’s the lack of a circle of support that makes it difficult for women to break free from the hegemony of men. Dhakal adds many are often quick to make statements like “I’m not that kind of a woman” while talking about themselves, which undermines women in general.

Rumi Rajbhandari, founder of Astitwa, a non-profit that works to rehabilitate victims of burn violence, says strong and independent women are still not appreciated. It can’t stomach a Priyanka Karki. It prefers its women meek and subservient. Anything else is an anomaly that needs to be put in place. This, she adds, is because the basis of a patriarchal society is oppression and women who don’t allow for it—who speak up, who go against the rules—are seen as threats.

Advocate Grishma Bista says women need to be more vocal and express themselves, unburdened by what the society might think or say. A mind-your-own-business attitude is what women need to have, she says. However, that’s easier said than done.

Rajbhandari says it’s only possible if and when women get strong family support. The problem right now, says Rajbhandari, is that women are told to keep quiet, let things go and not to ascertain their rights in order to maintain peace at home. The cost of this compromise is often women’s mental wellbeing, dignity and sense of self. But, let’s be honest here, when have we ever cared?  

“My mother always blames me for any misunderstanding between me and my husband. She tells me I must have done something wrong,” says Rajbhandari. This kind of mindset that puts men on a pedestal is what gives them more power and makes women vulnerable to all kinds of hardships and violence—physical, mental, and emotional.

My parents have been my biggest support system and I find that it gives me the confidence to stand up for myself. The knowledge that I’m not alone, that I might be contradicted in private but will be vehemently supported in public empowers me more than anything else. For a woman to grow and thrive, I believe, there must be people rallying behind her no matter what.

“If not family, then the support could come in the form of other women. A major setback in our society is that all too often women drag women down. I call them the gatekeepers of patriarchy. That needs to stop,” concludes Dhakal. 

Around mid-May this year, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the United States eased its mask-wearing guidelines. Those who were fully vaccinated didn’t have to wear masks anymore when in company of other fully-vaccinated people. Most Nepalis, living in Nepal, took off their masks after receiving the second dose of vaccine because “America said you could”.

But medical and public health experts ApEx spoke to unanimously insist that Nepalis must wear masks and wear them properly—not under the chin, below the nose, or dangling by their ear—at least until 70 percent of the population is vaccinated. Currently, the rate stands at less than four and nine percent for double and single dose vaccination respectively. Wearing a mask, thus, isn’t an option. It’s mandatory.

What we also need to understand is that America, where masks aren’t compulsory in outdoor settings, has high vaccination rates and their vaccines have higher efficacy—Pfizer (95 percent) and Moderna (94.1 percent)—than the ones we have received in Nepal (Covishield at 70 percent, VeroCell at 50 to 79 percent and Johnson & Johnson at 66.3 percent).

Dr Binjwala Shrestha of the Department of Community Medicine and Public Health, Tribhuvan University Teaching Hospital (TUTH), says we can’t be careless because Covid-19 cases are on the rise. The figures of daily new infections we hear of are a result of undertesting and underreporting. The data also doesn’t include the results of rapid antigen tests, many of which are positive. The actual figure is much higher, says Dr Shrestha, and you never know who is infected. Masks, she adds, remain the first-line of defense against this deadly virus.

The coronavirus, according to dental surgeon Dr Neil Pande, is 600 times smaller than the width of a hair strand, which makes it highly transmissible. Dr Pande, from the start of the pandemic, has been trying to raise awareness on the importance of proper masking and ventilation to control the spread. Unfortunately, no one is listening and people, he says, are appallingly careless, more so now that the lockdown has been eased and gatherings and celebrations seem to be in full swing.

“The most basic thing we can do is wear a mask, even if and especially if you are vaccinated because you could still be transmitting the virus,” says Dr Pande. Many people seem to have the very concept of vaccine wrong. They think being vaccinated means you are shielded against the virus. But the virus can enter your system and you can infect other people. What it won’t be able to do is replicate and lead to disease and its potential complications. 

Vaccination no excuse

But that doesn’t mean vaccinated people are safe. Not yet, say experts. Dr Bidesh Bista, pulmonologist, Civil Service Hospital of Nepal, says there have been cases of vaccinated individuals getting infected and developing pneumonia. The common perception that if you have been vaccinated, you won’t have severe complications even if you are infected isn’t necessarily true. There have been many cases, worldwide, of people dying of covid complications even after receiving both the vaccine doses.

Dr Samir Kumar Adhikari, joint spokesperson, Ministry of Health and Population, says we can break the chain of infection and be safe only if everybody takes the required precautions. Nepalis, he says, seem to be in a hurry to take off their masks when in fact, now, more than ever, is when everyone needs to be vigilant.

“People look at what’s happening in America, they saw packed Euro Cup stadiums and think they are safe here as well, that the coronavirus threat has been mitigated. That’s not true,” says Dr Adhikari. Our circumstances, he says, are different. We have our own conditions and limitations and our actions should reflect that.

Dr Navindra Raj Bista, assistant professor, Anesthesia and Critical Care, TUTH agrees with Dr Adhikari and adds that our social culture puts us at grave risk. As horrifying as it may sound, our society has never been keen on hygiene. Regular hand washing isn’t an ingrained habit and consciously doing so takes effort—that not a lot of people are inclined to make. Spitting on the sidewalk from steps of stores and while walking and on the road out of buses and cars is also common. The condition of our public transport too ensures close contact among people, making virus transmission easy and likely.

With so much stacked against us, it would be a sin not to do the least we can to keep ourselves safe. Dr Shrestha believes we are committing a social crime of sorts every time we choose to go out without a mask or lower it because “our ears hurt”. Various studies have shown that masks can reduce the risk of infection by 95 percent (when everyone is masked and practicing social distancing measures). 

‘Vaccines are here’

On the streets of Pulchowk and Sanepa in Lalitpur, ApEx questioned several people who weren’t wearing a mask. With mocking smiles and often rolling their eyes, they asked why they should wear one when “the vaccines are already here”. Other responses were “Are masks of any use?”, “You are wearing one, why should I?”, and “We don’t think we have to anymore.”

Some, like Dr Shrestha said, claimed their ears hurt and that masks were suffocating. Others said they simply didn’t feel like wearing one. The people questioned had either not received the second dose of the vaccine or hadn’t been vaccinated at all. When requested for a quick photo, accompanied by the whipping out of a cell phone, every one of them pulled up their masks or fished one out of their pockets.

It basically boils down to people’s attitude, says Dr Shrestha. The ones who are vaccinated think they are safe and are reckless. The fact that they could still transmit the virus and endanger the lives of those around them isn’t of much concern to them. Lack of awareness isn’t the problem here. Rather, it’s the absence of integrity and accountability. Educated people and those belonging to the upper echelons of the society too have a couldn’t-care-less mindset.

Even those who are wearing masks are doing it all wrong. From loosely fitted masks and just covering the mouth to using disposable masks for days and stuffing them in our pockets, we simply aren’t taking it as seriously as we ought to.

Dr Pande stresses the need to wear a properly fitted mask—one that feels snug around the chin and nose, to ensure it is clean, and not to pull it down to the chin and then back up again. Dr Adhikari says a lot of people are wearing the same surgical mask for days on end when a disposable mask should only be worn for four to five hours and then replaced. Dr Bista adds the focus should be on wearing a mask the right way.

Imminent third wave

Experts agree that the best option is a tightly fitted surgical mask but a three-layered cloth mask works as well. N95 masks, they say, are good but not necessary and neither is doubling up if your mask fits well.

“The whole idea of wearing a cloth mask over a surgical mask is so that air doesn’t leak out and you aren’t taking in unfiltered air,” says Dr Bista. A properly worn mask, he adds, won’t fog your glasses either. If that’s been happening then you aren’t putting the mask on correctly. Dr Pande, on the other hand, shares a trick to check if your mask is protective as it should be: Simply hold it up to sunlight. If light filters through, the mask isn’t good enough.

Experts believe the pre-pandemic lifestyle we seem to be following now makes a third wave imminent in Nepal. We have all witnessed the medical catastrophe Covid-19 can bring about—the second wave had us running from hospital to hospital in search of an ICU bed and buying oxygen cylinders in the black market—and the scenario is likely to repeat unless we change our ways. A good place to start would be wearing a mask and doing so properly, irrespective of our vaccination status.

“My ears hurt”, “It fogs my glasses” and “I can’t breathe”—These are the three most common excuses Nepalis give for not wearing a mask. “I’m fully-vaccinated” makes it to the top five, though this isn’t as common an answer considering that less than four percent of the total population has received the second dose so far.

Only one or two out of every 10 people on the street are seen wearing a mask properly. By properly we mean not strapped on the chin, with the top of the mask on the upper lip, or dangling from an ear. We counted, on the sidewalk in Jawalakhel, Lalitpur, in front of St Xavier’s School, on the stretch between Hotel Himalaya and Nabil Bank in Kupondole, Lalitpur, and the the road that leads to Dillibazaar from Maitidevi, Kathmandu.

Evidence suggests wearing a mask or a face covering can reduce the risk of transmitting coronavirus. Experts say that people still have to wear a mask, whether or not they have been vaccinated because we still fall in a high-risk zone with over 27,000 active cases and daily new infections rising steadily. Nepal reported 1,223 new coronavirus cases on Sunday, 1,642 on Monday, and 2,202 s on Tuesday.

According to WHO representative to Nepal Dr Rajesh Sambhajirao Pandav, Covid-19 vaccines have proven to be safe, effective and life-saving. But like all vaccines, they do not fully protect everyone vaccinated. “We do not yet know how well they can prevent people from transmitting the virus to others,” he adds.

Dr Samir Kumar Adhikari, joint spokesperson at the Ministry of Health and Population, says many people are either layering mask upon mask or using the same surgical mask for days. A tightly fitted surgical mask or a cotton one with three layers will suffice, he adds. But it’s absolutely crucial to wear one.

However, mask-wearing isn’t a replacement for other measures to reduce the spread of Covid-19. It works best in combination with measures like handwashing, staying at least six-feet apart from other people, and ventilation of indoor spaces.

 “We urge everyone to continue to strictly adhere to public, health and social measures including the use of masks, physical distancing and proper hand and respiratory hygiene,” says Dr Pandav.

Read the full write-up here.