In a long-term relationship, one partner might feel like they’re growing while the other feels stagnant. How should they handle this imbalance without causing distance or resentment?
Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Better Mind
Growth can be viewed as the analytical part of our lives, as it involves understanding, evaluating, and adapting to situations, making decisions, and continuously improving our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
People, especially in a long term relationship, keep on growing differently in different stages of life personally and professionally. But when one is growing and the other one is stuck, it may lead to frustration, emotional distance which may create hurdles in the relationship.
One reason could be the fear of change, as the partner who seems to be ‘unchanging’ might feel it’s difficult due to fear of failure. Difference in priority of growth is another thing. While one partner might prioritize self-improvement, the other might value career success. This misalignment can lead to misunderstandings.
Sometimes identity differences may take a toll. If one partner embraces change while the other remains comfortable with familiarity, this can create a perceived gap in relationship.
Start with self-reflection. Ask yourself: Is my partner truly stagnant, or are they growing in ways I haven’t acknowledged for? Sometimes, growth is internal and not always visible. Reflection and communication with curiosity not criticism helps.
Open communication with regular check-ins helps. Practice active listening and paraphrase your partner’s perspective e.g. “It sounds like you’re feeling overlooked” to validate emotions. You can schedule a 20 minute conversation to discuss shared goals and concerns.
Form and engage in shared goals. Create joint goals and designate time for activities like attending programs or volunteering together, blending individual interests with shared experiences. You can also try finding the common ground where you can share the same activities like traveling, playing, exploring which can grow strong.
Supporting individuality and mutual encouragement is the key. One can reserve two to three hours weekly for independent activities. For example, one partner might take dance class while the other engages in fitness training. Celebrating small wins of individual activity with rituals like special travel and meals reinforces mutual encouragement.
Growth in a relationship doesn’t have to be identical, but should be respected and supported. With understanding, communication, encouragement and shared experiences, partners can navigate these differences.
