How can parents strike a balance between setting expectations and giving their children the freedom to explore their own interests and career paths?
Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychiatrist
Parenting is a delicate balancing act that involves guiding children toward success while giving them the freedom to explore their passions. Many parents set high expectations out of love, believing that structure and discipline will pave the way for a secure future.
The challenges parents face in setting expectations often stem from deeper psychological reasons. One common factor is the fear of uncertainty. Parents worry that their child will make poor choices or struggle in life, leading them to impose strict rules and goals in an attempt to secure their child’s future. This fear, while well-intentioned, can result in excessive control, stifling a child’s ability to grow independently.
Another factor is unresolved personal aspirations. Some parents unconsciously push their children toward careers or paths they themselves wished to pursue, projecting their own unfulfilled dreams onto their children This can create tension if the child’s interests don’t align with their parents’ expectations.
Additionally, the need for social approval plays a significant role. Societal and cultural pressures often make parents feel responsible for their child’s success, leading them to set rigid goals that might not align with the child’s strengths or passions. This can create a disconnect between what the child wants and what the parent expects.
Encouraging open communication through regular, judgment-free conversations with your child about their dreams, strengths, and challenges can help build trust. Instead of saying, “You must become a doctor,” try asking, “What excites you about your future?” This approach allows children to express themselves without feeling pressured.
It’s also good to recognize individual strengths. Every child is unique, with their own talents and abilities. Instead of comparing them to others, focus on helping them build on their strengths. If they struggle in academics but excel in creative fields, support their natural abilities while encouraging well-rounded development.
You can also teach responsibility and not take to controlling your child. Rather than enforcing strict career choices, teach your child how to make informed decisions. Encourage internships, volunteer work, and exposure to different fields so they can explore various paths with a sense of responsibility.
And lastly, be a support system and not a dictator. Children thrive in environments where they feel supported rather than controlled. When they know you trust them, they are more likely to seek your guidance instead of rebelling against it.
Parenting is not about control. It’s about guidance. Ultimately, the goal is to raise confident, independent individuals who feel empowered to pursue their dreams while knowing they have a strong support system to fall back on should they need it.
