I have been married for five years. Lately, our relationship has been strained as my husband works late and I find myself juggling my career and most household responsibilities. We both feel unappreciated and struggle to communicate our frustrations without arguing. How can we maintain a healthy partnership when busy schedules and unequal responsibilities create tension?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, consultant psychiatrist 

Maintaining a healthy partnership while juggling demanding careers and household responsibilities is challenging. Your struggles with communication, unappreciation, and increasing tension are valid and quite common among couples navigating work-life balance. 

Emotional exhaustion can play a significant role in relationship strain, especially when one partner is juggling both career and household responsibilities. The constant pressure can lead to burnout, making people emotionally drained and less able to be present for each other. This exhaustion often manifests in impatience, irritability, and poor communication, which can make it difficult to nurture a healthy connection.

Perceived inequality in responsibilities is another factor that can contribute to conflict. When one partner feels overwhelmed by taking on more tasks, feelings of resentment can arise. This imbalance often leads to a cycle of blame and defensiveness, making it harder to address and resolve underlying issues.

Lack of quality connection is another challenge that can affect relationships. With busy schedules and constant responsibilities, partners may struggle to find time for meaningful interactions. This emotional distance can grow over time, leading to feelings of disconnection and a sense of being unappreciated.

Unmet emotional needs can also strain relationships when one or both partners don’t feel seen, heard, or valued. It can create a sense of isolation. This often results in either withdrawal or unhealthy expressions of frustration, such as arguing instead of having open, constructive conversations. These unmet needs can further deepen the emotional gap between partners.

Instead of addressing issues during moments of high tension, schedule a calm time to talk and express your feelings without placing blame. Use ‘I’ statements, such as “I feel overwhelmed handling household tasks alone,” to encourage understanding and prevent defensiveness. Take the time to list all household tasks and have an open conversation about dividing responsibilities fairly, considering each partner’s strengths and available time. If necessary, explore outsourcing some tasks, like hiring help for cleaning or meal preparation, to lighten the load and foster teamwork.

Even with busy schedules, make an effort to carve out small yet meaningful moments together. Whether it’s sharing a meal without distractions, taking a short walk, or having a weekly check-in about your emotional well-being, these moments help maintain connection. Also regularly express gratitude for each other. Simple gestures like saying, “I appreciate how hard you work for us,” can go a long way in making your partner feel seen and valued. Where possible, establish clear work-life boundaries. Encourage your partner to limit late hours, and be sure to take breaks yourself to avoid burnout. This helps create space for both relaxation and quality time together.

If communication continues to be a struggle, seeking professional guidance can provide valuable tools for navigating conflicts in a constructive way. A strong marriage isn’t about avoiding conflict but learning to face it together. By fostering open communication, redistributing responsibilities, and making time for connection, you can rebuild a sense of partnership. Small, consistent efforts will help both you and your partner feel appreciated and understood, strengthening your bond despite life’s challenges.