Mind Matters | Money issues in a relationship

We have been together for three years now and we are planning to get married. But we often find ourselves arguing over finances and that is creating a strain in our relationship. What are some effective strategies for us to address financial disagreements without harming our relationship?

Answered by Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

It’s great that you’re proactively seeking strategies to address financial disagreements. Money can be a sensitive topic, but with open communication and a shared approach, it can become a source of strength in your relationship. 

First and foremost, open and honest communication with your partner is the key. Schedule a time to discuss finances when both of you are calm and focused. It’s important that you both understand each other’s money mindset. Explore each other’s attitudes toward saving, spending, and financial priorities. Recognize that differences in financial attitudes often stem from upbringing and personal experiences, not from a lack of care or responsibility.

Plan on setting common goals. Identify short-term and long-term financial goals together, such as saving for a wedding, buying a home, or planning for retirement. Align your spending and saving habits with these shared goals. Also, learn and discuss about creating a budget together. Work together to draft a monthly budget that accounts for income, expenses, savings, and discretionary spending. Use tools like apps or spreadsheets to track expenses and ensure transparency.

Divide financial responsibilities. Decide how to split expenses—whether equally, proportionally to income, or another method that feels fair to both. Assign roles for managing specific aspects of finances, like paying bills, monitoring investments, or managing savings. It’s important to understand that you must agree on a threshold for discretionary spending that doesn’t require prior consultation (e.g., purchases over a certain amount need mutual agreement). This helps avoid surprises and builds trust between each other. Schedule monthly discussions to review your budget, discuss progress toward goals, and address any concerns. Treat these meetings as collaborative rather than confrontational.

If financial planning feels overwhelming, consult a financial advisor to help you create a plan. A neutral third party can offer objective insights and strategies. Acknowledge and validate each other’s financial priorities, even if they differ. Compromise when and where necessary to ensure both partners feel heard and valued.

Remind yourselves of why you’re together and the life you’re building as a couple. Avoid letting financial disagreements overshadow your relationship’s positive aspects. For those couples who are planning to get married or stay together, it’s important to be honest with each other. Talk about your financial expectations even before marriage or companionship. Share your financial histories, including how you were raised to think about money, your current financial situation, and your future goals. Be transparent about your income, debts, and spending habits.

Approach disagreements with empathy and a willingness to understand, rather than with the intention to win the argument. A therapist can help you address underlying issues and develop better communication and conflict resolution skills. By working as a team and prioritizing your relationship over financial disputes, you can build a stronger foundation for your future together.