Mind Matters | Festival frenzy

As Dashain is approaching I’m concerned about my parents, especially my mom. They start taking unnecessary pressure about getting ready to receive guests and perhaps impress them as well. It makes for a stressful environment at home. How can I ease the pressure and tell them to relax? 

Answered by Tashi Phunjo Gurung, counseling psychologist

Your concern shows what a caring and considerate child you are to your parents. It’s nice to see that your heart is in the right place, especially during festivals, which can be exciting and daunting at the same time.

It’s not uncommon to hear and see people take the pressure due to the expectation of hosting relatives and preparing a feast. It’s a huge thing to be responsible for and it can get stressful. The brunt of the work might, no doubt, fall on mothers, so it’s natural for them to feel responsible and ensure that everything goes perfectly. This certainly can get overwhelming.

Like any other tasks, the more we plan, the less pressure we might feel. We can involve them in planning for the tasks early, so that it doesn’t become pressurizing at the last minute. Breaking the tasks into smaller, manageable steps can be much easier. Moreover, you can always let them know that you can assist with the preparations, whether it’s cooking, cleaning or organizing. This would certainly ease a lot of their stress. 

It’s also important to align our expectations accordingly. We have to set boundaries about how much we can and can’t do. It’s okay to scale down the celebration or even simplify the feast. Dashain is more about the family, rather than the activities, and it’s certainly okay if things are not perfect. We can acknowledge their hard work, and let them know that it’s okay to relax and enjoy the festival too. Give them the reassurance that the focus is on spending time together, not impressing others. This can cause a shift in perspective to actually consider Dashain as a time for enjoyment.

Reminding ourselves and others that Dashain is about family, joy and togetherness, and not about perfection or impressing others can make a lot of difference. By planning ahead, offering support, and emphasizing quality time over elaborate preparations, we can help lessen the stress, and create a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.