Mind Matters | Lost & lonely

I have been feeling really depressed lately. I’m thinking a lot about my education, career, and future. To top things off, my relationship with my family isn’t that great either. How can I help myself from feeling unloved and stop over thinking? How can I start prioritizing myself first and maintain good relations with those around me?

Answered by Aditya Dangol, Psychosocial Counselor

First of all, I’m glad that you reached out and talked about what you’ve been going through. I’m unsure about your age but I assume that you are a young adult who is currently working as well as studying since you’ve mentioned career and education. It seems that you have multiple areas of your life that have been impacting you mentally and emotionally. It’s pretty natural for many young adults to stress about their future, especially while trying to juggle studies and career. It’s important for us to understand the root causes of these distressing thoughts and feelings.

For instance, much of the education and future stress stems from uncertainty. The uncertainty of finding a proper job with appropriate income, enough to sustain not only us but our families has been found to be the most prominent stressor. In the context of Nepal, the issue of scope and sustainability in a particular field causes much stress. There is additional stress when our desired choice of field doesn’t align with what our family expects from us.

Identifying the root cause of your career, education and future related stress can help you manage or even remove it. If it’s a case of lack of family support in your choice of career, it might be necessary to set boundaries and assertively communicate your desires, rather than avoid it due to fear of conflict. The same can be said for other issues with family members. Proper communication and asserting our boundaries can help us establish better relationships. A therapist might be able to help in identifying what boundaries have been encroached, how to set them, and assertively communicate your thoughts and emotions.

Each individual has his own way of experiencing and giving love. Some people show love by helping their loved ones and feel loved when their loved ones do the same. Not having a sense of reciprocation in this regard can cause people to feel unloved. A need to excessively show love to others can leave us feeling empty and unloved when they are not responded to with similar energy. It’s always healthy to communicate your feelings. If you feel hesitant and unsure, it’s nice to talk to someone you trust before you communicate. This might even help you improve and even nurture your relationships.

When we are able to communicate our feelings, whether they are generally positive such as love or excitement or happiness or negative feelings such as frustration, anger, hurt or disappointment, it allows us to feel a sense of self-prioritization. When we are able to communicate our boundaries assertively, it helps us boost our self-esteem and feeling of self-worth.

Learning and executing all of these things might be helpful but please understand that you don’t need to do it all by yourself. Seeking help in figuring the root causes of your issues and their solutions can help heal.