Mind Matters | Dealing with infidelity

I’m 48 years old. My entire life has been dedicated to caring for my in-laws, husband, and children. Despite all my efforts to keep them happy, my husband cheated on me with someone much younger. I feel lost and broken. It’s been 8 months since I found out, but I still can’t forget what happened. Despite his apologies, the pain lingers, and I struggle with anxiety and fear. I feel trapped in this situation because I care deeply about my children. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I truly understand that as responsible parents in a long-term relationship, facing betrayal or infidelity at the age of 48, especially when there are children involved, is incredibly painful. It can leave you feeling lost, broken, and overwhelmed with emotions such as anxiety, sadness, and stress. It’s entirely understandable to feel this way. Recognizing and acknowledging these emotions can be very helpful.

Healing from infidelity is a gradual process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Carefully consider your options. Ultimately, the decision to stay in the marriage or pursue a different path depends on what you think is best for you and your children in the long run.

Start by practicing self-compassion and kindness toward yourself. Understand that you are going through a difficult time, and even if there is no one to share your burden, you can help yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy. It could be yoga, meditation, spending time in nature, listening to music, journaling, or anything that helps to cheer you up. Be there for yourself—self-love and compassion matters most at this stage.

Another thing to follow is to set clear and distinct boundaries. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly. If both of you are willing, consider seeking couple’s therapy to work on rebuilding trust. Communication is key. If you find it difficult to communicate directly with your husband, try discussing your feelings with close friends or family members. Sharing things helps to get perspective and validation as well as find the way forward. 

If you are struggling, consider seeking support from a qualified professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Therapeutic support provides a safe space to process emotions, gain insight into your feelings, develop coping strategies, and navigate challenging situations. Remember, you deserve to be happy and respected in your relationship. There are ways to work on it and, if needed, we are here to help you through this difficult time.