I’ve been in a relationship for a year now. Initially, my partner treated me well, but over time, his behavior has changed. He uses vulgar language, goes out with other girls without telling me, and is manipulative. He makes it hard for me to break things off. His actions haunt me, and I feel trapped. I feel like he will change every time he asks for forgiveness. I know I could be headed for trouble if I stay with him any longer, but I can’t seem to break free. There’s something keeping me attached to him, and it’s overwhelming. Please help me understand why I feel this way and how can I overcome it?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

It’s good that you are aware of the situation you are in and aren’t making excuses for him. You’re grappling with a complex and distressing situation in your relationship so it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and safety above all else. Understanding why you feel attached to your partner despite the toxicity can provide insights into your emotional experiences and pave the way for healing and growth.

First and foremost, let’s start by recognizing patterns in your relationship. Take a step back and reflect on the dynamics. Identify any patterns of behaviors or thought processes that contribute to feeling trapped or your inability to break free. Awareness of these patterns is the first step toward initiating change.

Next, explore the underlying factors behind your attachment to your partner, even in the face of harmful behavior. It’s common for individuals in toxic relationships to experience feelings of attachment stemming from factors such as fear of loneliness, low self-esteem, or past trauma. Understanding these underlying factors can help us address them more effectively.

Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your emotional well-being and safety. You have to establish clear boundaries with your partner. Communicate your needs and expectations assertively, and be prepared to enforce consequences if these boundaries are violated. Remember that prioritizing your boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s essential for self-preservation and growth.

I encourage you to invest time and energy into activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental health. Engage in self-care practices such as exercise, mindfulness meditation, creative outlets, or spending time with supportive individuals who uplift and empower you.

You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and dignity in your relationships. While breaking free from a toxic relationship can be challenging, it’s a courageous step toward reclaiming your autonomy.

Feel free to reach out to trusted friends, family members, for support and guidance. Opening up about your experiences can provide validation, perspective, and practical advice for navigating the complexities of your situation. If it feels impossible to get out of the situation you should consider consulting a mental health professional. S/he will be able to help you develop coping strategies and explore healthier relationship dynamics.