Mind Matters | A new direction in life

I have spent the past 28 years raising my children and supporting my husband, but now I want to pursue my own dreams and start a business. I’ve always wanted to have a bakery, and now that my children have grown up, I finally have the chance to pursue it. However, every time I bring it up with my husband, he dismisses the idea. I can see that he doesn’t want to invest in my venture. I wish my family would understand how important this is to me and support me in this new chapter of my life. I want them to know I’m capable of achieving something meaningful outside of the role of a housewife. Being unable to convince my partner is affecting me. I don’t want to be a housewife for the rest of my life. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Your self-motivation to pursue your passion is commendable. The problem here lies in a lack of communication skills and convincing ability. When communication and persuasion fall short, you may feel demotivated and guilty. The starting point should be the repetition of your agenda in a kind and gentle manner, which may eventually lead to convincing him. However, when repeating the agenda, ensure you’re kinder and gentler.

The main point is open communication, looking forward to the best time and place, which will make it easier for you to express yourself openly. In open communication, the main thing to remember is to keep realistic expectations and set proper boundaries. Realistic expectations refer to what you’re going to do and expecting something achievable, while boundaries refer to balancing family responsibilities and personal aspirations.

Self-care helps a lot. You should make self-care a priority. The two important things for self-care are compassion and mindfulness. This helps you understand what you’re going through and why you’re struggling with this particular issue. You can see yourself as a friend, like, “Okay, there’s at least one person who understands me, and that’s me.”

If it still feels like it’s not working out, you may seek support from your family. If there are any family members whom your husband actually listens to, you can seek support and help from them as well. You could discuss the benefits of change, the benefits of your plan to your husband and the whole family as well.

Or maybe there’s a reason behind your husband not agreeing. For example, some people might be insecure due to past experiences. Maybe he’s scared of what might happen if the business goes into loss due to lack of experience. So, it’s important to know the reasons behind his resistance, which may help you approach the conversation with empathy and sensitivity.

You could try to convince him about growing together. Show him the positive sides to convince him of your plan. If you’re not able to manage and lack motivation, consider seeking therapy. Reach out to a therapist to work on yourself as well as help you with communication and persuasion skills.