Feeling undervalued

I’m a 21-year-old man from a middle-class family. I’m the kind of person who never rests. I can work all day without feeling tired. But sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, some unseen force is constantly undermining all my efforts, regardless of how hard I try. Despite my best attempts, I keep failing. I always find myself doing things the hard way and suffering more than others, even though I believe in my capabilities. This constant effort with no value of result makes me want to give up. But, in the end, I think about my career. However, it’s getting increasingly difficult. Something is amiss. What can I do to get out of this mental trap?

Answered by Aditya Dangol, professional counselor and psychologist

I would like to thank you for your willingness to share your experiences. I would like to start by saying that ‘failure’ is subjective and varies according to individual interpretations. What one person perceives as a failure, another might view as a minor setback or a valuable learning opportunity. Failure is not a fixed endpoint but rather a dynamic process that unfolds differently for each person.

You might occasionally be too critical of yourself. Sometimes, feelings of helplessness in achieving one’s goals arise when outcomes fall short of perfection. But it’s important to recognize that setbacks are integral to the learning process. Acknowledging and celebrating even the smallest achievement can foster a positive mindset and bolster personal growth.

Additionally, there may be unconscious beliefs or behaviors contributing to a fear of failure or tendencies towards self-sabotage. Addressing these underlying factors with compassion and self-awareness is crucial for overcoming obstacles and moving forward.

Understanding how you define yourself and approach problem-solving is key. Seeking guidance and support from mentors or trusted individuals can offer fresh perspectives and insights into overcoming challenges.

Ultimately, remember that mistakes are an inevitable part of life but they serve as valuable opportunities for growth and improvement. By reframing our perspectives on failure and being kinder to ourselves, we can cultivate resilience and work towards our goals with a positive outlook. If you feel like this isn’t something you can do by yourself, it might be a good idea to seek professional help.