Mind Matters | Relationship woes

Is it a common experience for individuals to undergo negative emotions in a relationship when apart from their partner, potentially influenced by past relationship issues? Furthermore, can feelings of insecurity and overthinking, stemming from past relationships, contribute to arguments with one’s current partner?

Answered by Rishav Koirala, researcher and physiatrist 

Occasional occurrence of negative emotions when separated from one’s partner may be a common feeling in many people.  But when it’s associated with overthinking even small things leading to anger and argument, we have to explore psychosocial issues.

Everyone’s current experience is influenced by past experiences and in a few it may lead to imprinted emotions which might have a negative influence on current situations. The first step to deal with it is by engaging in a thoughtful exploration of these emotions by yourself. Start by reflecting on the specific aspects of your past relationship that might be impacting your current one. Identify any negative experiences or unresolved issues that could be contributing to these feelings. Self-reflection can be a valuable first step in understanding the root causes of your emotional responses.

Following self-reflection, consider addressing these identified issues. Open communication with your current partner is key. Sharing your concerns and feelings fosters understanding and support. Be transparent about the impact of your past experiences and work together to create an environment of trust. Discussing these matters openly can contribute to a healthier and more empathetic connection.

Recognize the potential role of personality traits, such as attachment styles, in influencing your emotional responses. Individuals with anxious attachment styles, for instance, may experience heightened concerns about separation. Another aspect could be Borderline Personality Traits that have a substantial impact on the relationship of the sufferer. Insecurity, increased emotional sensitivity, and impulsive behaviors may lead to arguments and relationship issues if one has these traits.

Understanding these traits, both in yourself and your partner, provides valuable insights into the dynamics of your relationship. If your past relationships have had a big impact on you, it might have led to anxiety issues. People with anxiety issues tend to misinterpret things and have negative thoughts that can lead to negative emotions such as anger and irritability. This might also be one of the reasons why you jump into arguments by overthinking minor things.

If you are not able to resolve the issues by yourself or with the help of your partner, seeking the guidance of a mental health professional is highly advisable. They can help you to delve deeper into these emotional complexities and develop effective coping strategies. A psychiatrist or therapist can assist in identifying and addressing specific concerns related to your past experiences, attachment styles, and any anxiety you might be experiencing. This professional support can contribute to personal and relational growth, providing tools to manage and overcome these challenges. Simple modalities such as meditation, and relaxing exercises such as yoga can also help you achieve these goals to some extent.