I’m a 35-year-old man and I’m struggling to balance my duties as a son and a husband. My wife doesn’t get along with my mother and my mother isn’t particularly fond of my wife either. They get into arguments very often and both of them expect me to take their side every time. I try to stay out of their issues but I feel like it’s my responsibility to sort things out between them. I feel helpless when I can’t. What can I do?

Answered by Rishav Koirala, psychiatrist and researcher

Balancing the relationship between your mother and your wife can be a formidable challenge. To address this conflict effectively, initiating open and honest conversations with both your wife and your mother is a crucial first step. This allows you to seek their perspectives and express your concerns openly. 

It’s essential to establish clear boundaries that encourage both parties to interact civilly and respectfully, even if they don’t become the best of friends. If conflicts persist and mediating becomes difficult, consider seeking professional help, such as couples counseling or family therapy, which can provide a neutral space for everyone to express their feelings and work towards resolutions.

Moreover, it’s important to encourage your wife and mother to develop their relationship with each other. While they may not become close friends, fostering some understanding and mutual respect can significantly improve the overall family dynamic.

In moments of conflict, strive to be a fair mediator, remaining calm and unbiased. Avoid taking sides and focus on finding common ground and practical solutions. Prioritize your marriage, and your relationship with your mother as well investing time and effort to maintain a strong and healthy relationship with your wife and your mother. This can contribute to an improved family atmosphere.

Most importantly, don’t forget to take care of your well-being, as dealing with family conflicts can be emotionally draining. Seek support from friends, support groups, or a therapist to help you cope with the emotional stress. Keep in mind that resolving family conflicts takes time, so approach the situation with patience and empathy. By focusing on communication, setting boundaries, and being open to positive relationship evolution over time, you can create a more harmonious environment for everyone involved.