Grandparents are naturally inclined to love and care for their grandchildren. But how a grandchild feels about his grandparents often depends on several factors like how close his parents are with them, physical distance while growing up, and how involved their grandparents are in their lives. A sense of closeness while growing up seems to be essential in creating stronger bonds between grandchildren and parents.
Seventeen-year-old Anjana Neupane, a student living in Kathmandu, says that her grandmother means more to her than her own mother. She grew up with her in Chitwan before her parents migrated to Kathmandu. “I remember staying with my grandmother when my mother used to visit her parents. We would do everything together and I miss those days,” she says. There are several memories of her grandmother that are close to Neupane’s heart, but one she particularly remembers is how her grandmother would often secretly give her money without her parents finding out. Despite not having a lot of money, her grandmother always made sure she had some to give to Neupane. Even now, when she visits her grandmother, some notes are pressed into her hands. Neupane kept the Rs 100 note her grandmother once gave her for years. She could not bring herself to use it. “She gave that to me with so much love and I didn’t feel like giving it away,” she says. Grandparents often have a way of telling their grandchildren how much they love them and just how much they mean to them without actually saying a word. It’s in the small details, like a Rs 100 note tucked into your pocket, a handful of chocolates someone gave them that they saved because they know you like those, or the way they proudly show your picture to anyone and everyone. Susan Bosak, the author of ‘How To Build The Grandma Connection’, says those who have strong ties with involved, caring grandparents have higher self-esteem, better emotional stability, stronger social skills (including an ability to withstand peer pressure), and enhanced academic performance. Pasang Lama, a 20-year-old student who was raised by his grandparents in Sindhuli before he came to Kathmandu, says his grandmother is funny and lightens things up at home. Out of all the things they did together, he says he always recalls the way his grandmother used to wake him up. “She would always be angry at me for being lazy and would throw some stones on the tin roof to wake me up with the noise,” he says, “Her scolding me was her way of showing love. It still is. It means she cares.” There is no denying that having grandparents makes parenting a whole lot easier. No one will love and care for your child the way you do but you can be assured that your parents will do a lot more. Since grandparents usually don’t have intense work commitments, they can give the time and undivided attention which can be challenging for tired, busy parents. You don’t necessarily have to live with or see your grandchildren frequently to love them immensely, says Poshraj Subedi, a 60-year-old resident of Dhapasi, Kathmandu, whose granddaughter was born six months ago in Denver, Colorado in the US. “The moment she was born, I realized I would never love anyone the way I love my little granddaughter,” he says. He calls them twice every day, just to see his granddaughter and ask his son how she’s doing. “I can’t wait to meet her and take her out for a stroll like every other grandfather does,” says Subedi who is planning to visit soon this year. Sixteen-year-old Samar Lama, who currently lives in Kathmandu, agrees physical distance doesn’t matter if the bond is strong. He is quite close to his maternal grandparents who live in Sarlahi. Lama says he didn’t grow up with his grandparents but he talks to them frequently and he loves them a lot. He was only a few months old when his grandparents saw him for the first time. Their house was a little far from the bus station, so his family had to change buses to get there. “But my grandfather couldn’t wait to see me so he walked for two hours just to meet us at the bus station,” he says. While the rest went home in a vehicle, his grandfather put him on his shoulders and walked back home. Since 2016, Global Pathshala, a school in Thimi, Bhaktapur, has been organizing Grandparent’s Day. Sabita KC, the coordinator, says the benefits of the event are two-fold. The children get to see that their grandparents are there for them. The grandparents are grateful to be able to spend some quality time with their grandchildren. “We believe it fosters a better relationship between them,” says KC. Unfortunately, not everyone has the privilege of having a good relationship with their grandchildren. Nanda Kumari Joshi, an 85-year-old living in an old age home, at Manavsewa Ashram in Raniban, Kathmandu, has been waiting for her grandson to take her home for almost a year. Every day, she wakes up believing that her grandson will take her home that particular day. Ram Krishna Khadka, 67, is also looking forward to living with her daughter, who has recently relocated to Qatar. He raised his granddaughter for 12 years before voluntarily coming to the old age home. He lived with his granddaughter in Kalanki, Kathmandu, but that changed when he woke up one day with the right side of his body paralyzed. His granddaughter now lives with her stepbrothers and Khadka has been waiting for her to call him for the past year. “I remember taking her to the zoo and museums on holidays. When I couldn’t, we would spend the day watching TV,” he recalls. He says he loves her even though she hasn’t tried to contact him. Dr Niranjan Panta, a physician who volunteers at the ashram, says since most of the residents wanted to live with their children and grandchildren, being deprived of it left many of them depressed. Dr Panta says mental and physical health issues are common in old age but it’s a lot more manageable when they are surrounded by their loved ones. “They start having a positive outlook on life, and they are much more likely to be healthy,” he says.
