I’m a 59-year-old woman with two children living abroad. My husband and I are both retired. Passing time daily is hard for us since we both have nothing to do, and with so much leisure time on our hands, we tend to overthink. We are constantly worried about what might happen if one of us dies, and the thought of losing someone so dear to me is horrifying. How can I deal with this feeling? Please help me.—PK Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health I want you to know it’s common for people to have some level of anxiety about death. This is a normal part of the human experience. While some people are only mildly concerned about death, others might have a higher level of anxiety when thinking about it. You must figure out which category you fall into. 

Healthy fear consists of some level of worry and sadness, but there is also a certain level of acceptance as death being a part of life. It motivates people to live a fulfilling life too. But when that fear becomes overpowering, so much so that it hinders your daily routine, constantly makes you imagine life without your loved ones, or leaves you with a sense of helplessness, that is when it becomes problematic. If you are unable to accept death as being a natural part of life, there are a few ways you can address it. 

Start with figuring out why you are so scared. Fears like these don’t come out of the blue. Maybe you have lost someone in your life and you haven’t been able to move on. Or you might be very dependent on this one person in your life, like your husband. And to imagine life without him is difficult. Working out the reason behind your fear is one way to decipher its solution.  Making a list of the things or people you have lost in the past can be a helpful way to process your feelings. This will help you come to terms with the loss you faced. It can also be a way to reflect on your coping mechanisms, and understand what else you need to do in order to truly move on.  Talking to someone close to you is an extremely helpful way to get the support and understanding you need to come to terms with death. It can be your husband, your children, or a friend who truly understands you. Sometimes having our emotions validated can help a lot.  But then there will be times when you might feel they are unable to empathize with you. In that case, it’s best to talk to someone who has gone through a loss in their life, and shares the same sentiments about death as you do. Having someone truly understand how you are feeling will give you a sense of comfort. Realizing you aren’t alone in it can help you deal with your fears better. But I must say that acceptance is necessary. Accepting death as a part of life isn’t easy, but death is inevitable. You will not always have your loved ones around you, but what’s important is that you work on creating really good memories while they are alive.  Focus on the moments you spend with them rather than on what might happen when and if they are gone. Deciding what to do with the time you have with each other is up to you. So focus on things that you can do, rather than dwelling on something that you have no control over. If you still find yourself struggling to deal with your fear of death, it’s best to consult a therapist or counselors who can help you come to terms with it.