Depression and, by extension, mental illnesses have been discussed quite a lot in recent years, with many Bollywood celebrities (cue in Deepika Padukone) talking about their experiences and/or supporting different causes related to it. In Nepal too, it wouldn’t be wrong to say there is a lot more awareness about mental health and the importance of a healthy mind now than ever before, though we are still far from normalizing mental health issues. Shaheen Bhatt’s ‘I’ve Never Been (Un)Happier’ could help us do just that by giving us a clear insight into the mind of someone living with anxiety and depression. 

I’ve Never Been (Un)Happier is a candid account of the author’s traumatic emotional experiences and battles with a mental condition that feels debilitating. Shaheen was diagnosed with depression when she was 18 when she had already been living with it for five years. Till then, she didn’t have a name for why she felt so sad and hollow most of the time, despite not having any reason for it.

As filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt’s daughter, one would think her fairly privileged lifestyle would warrant a happy life. But Shaheen says her pain doesn’t come to her because of her lifestyle and neither is it taken away because of it.

Yes, growing up, she had a comfortable life (though not a lavish one as most would believe because “filmmakers in the 90s didn’t exactly break the bank”). Financial security meant she could seek the support she needed. But her family background came with its own pressures. She was surrounded by famous, successful, and ambitious people but on some days her ambition would simply be to get herself to leave her bedroom.

Shaheen hasn’t sugarcoated or downplayed anything and the brutal honesty with which she writes makes the book unputdownable. What I especially liked about the book is how easy it is to read, and thus grasp. Shaheen doesn’t beat about the bush or make excuses for her behavior. Her “it is what it is” attitude helps you connect with the author and feel for her, even if you haven’t been through similar experiences.

Time and again, Shaheen shows you other vulnerable sides to her—being unable to attend classes, her relationship with food and the subsequent weight gain, and comparing herself to her older half-sibling Pooja—who was working in films when Shaheen was growing up—as well as her younger sister, Alia—who, she says, was effortlessly charming even as a child. There are also instances when you feel she is having an intimate conversation with you. You can relate to many of her experiences and Shaheen becomes a friend you have always secretly wished for.

I would highly recommend this slim book because it has the power to bring about some much-needed change in perspective on depression and mental health.

Non-fiction

I’ve Never Been (Un)Happier

Shaheen Bhatt

Published: 2019

Publisher: Penguin Random House India

Language: English

Pages: 165, Paperback