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Many people feel obligated to maintain relationships with toxic family members and let’s be honest, we all have them. But how can they set boundaries while dealing with the guilt that often comes with it?

Answered by Aditya Dangol, Mental health professional

Studies show that 70 percent of people experience some form of family dysfunction, yet many struggle to set boundaries due to feelings of guilt.

The challenge of setting boundaries

Navigating unhealthy or toxic family relationships can be complicated. Experiencing manipulation, guilt-tripping, and gaslighting can leave people questioning their emotions and decisions. Daily interactions may feel like a battle—walking on eggshells, anticipating the next conflict, and feeling dismissed, inadequate, or overly criticized. Setting boundaries in such an environment is challenging, especially when they are perceived as disrespectful, selfish, or a rejection of family values. These reactions—whether verbal or non-verbal—can trigger intense guilt.

Cultural and familial expectations

Familial relationships are deeply emotional and interdependent, shaped by expectations of care and reciprocity. In cultures like Nepal’s, where family loyalty, respect for elders, and collective responsibility are deeply ingrained, setting boundaries can feel even more difficult. Guilt in boundary-setting often arises from a fear of hurting or disappointing loved ones and going against ingrained obligations. This guilt exists because we deeply care about our family, value our relationships, and are empathetic. While caring for family is important, it should not come at the cost of personal well-being and self-respect. When guilt prevents boundary-setting, it’s essential to examine its roots—whether cultural, familial, personal, or a combination of all three.

Understanding the root of guilt

Our guilt often stems from how we define values like loyalty, duty, and respect. For example, someone might feel guilty for challenging their parents' outdated beliefs, fearing it will be seen as disrespectful. This guilt is rooted in the belief that a ‘good’ child never opposes family members, as doing so might be considered ungrateful or uncaring. However, critically analyzing whether these inherited values serve us or interfere with our growth can help us navigate our emotions.

Key self-reflection questions

A few important questions to ask yourself are:

• What about setting boundaries makes me feel like I am doing something wrong?
• How have my family or relatives responded to my attempts to set boundaries?
• What thoughts or emotions does their response trigger in me?

Many people have thoughts like, “I feel selfish for putting my needs first” or “If I say no, they might think I don’t love or respect them.” Some even feel as if they are being treated like a child for asserting reasonable boundaries. However, it’s crucial to recognize that prioritizing personal needs is not selfishness, and saying no does not diminish love or respect for family members.

Examples of boundary-setting in action

When parents expect constant availability

A young professional finds it difficult to say no when their parents frequently ask for help at inconvenient times. When they set a boundary by explaining their workload, the parents respond with, “You don’t have time for us anymore.” This triggers guilt, but the individual reminds themselves that having personal time does not mean neglecting family.

Challenging unfair expectations

A daughter is expected to handle all household responsibilities while her brother is not. When she speaks up, she is told, “This is just how things are.” Although she feels guilty for questioning tradition, she realizes that fairness should not be dismissed under the guise of family roles.

Dealing with emotional manipulation

A man refuses to lend money to a relative who repeatedly asks but never repays. When he sets a boundary, the relative accuses him of being selfish. Instead of absorbing the guilt, he acknowledges that saying no does not make him a bad person.

The greatest battle here would be having to constantly remind ourselves of these affirmations of ‘having personal time does not mean neglecting family’, ‘Demanding fairness should not be dismissed in any regard’ and ‘saying no does not make us a bad person’. 

Overcoming projected guilt

In many cases, the guilt felt while setting boundaries is projected onto us by family members. Some may struggle to accept rejection and, in response, express disappointment or blame us, even when we are not at fault. This makes it important to recognize that the guilt we feel may not be our own but rather a reflection of their discomfort. Accepting that we cannot control how others feel about our boundaries—and allowing them to have their reactions—can be liberating. This mindset shift helps us set boundaries with confidence, fostering both emotional growth and healthier relationships.

US envoy Steve Witkoff met Vladimir Putin in St Petersburg on Friday, as Donald Trump urged the Russian president to "get moving" on a ceasefire in Ukraine.

The Kremlin said the assembly endured for more than four hours and centered on "viewpoints of a Ukrainian settlement", according to BBC.

Trump has communicated disappointment with Putin over the state of talks.

On Friday, he composed on social media "Russia has to get moving. Too many people ere [sic] DYING, thousands a week, in a terrible and senseless war."BBC reported.

It comes as Trump's Ukraine envoy Keith Kellogg denied suggesting the country could be partitioned.

China has filed a lawsuit against the US with the WTO after the US issued an executive order on Thursday (US time), announcing a further increase in the so-called "reciprocal tariffs" imposed on Chinese products exported to the US, a spokesperson from China's Ministry of Commerce (MOFCOM) said Friday.

The spokesperson said that the US taxation measures are typical unilateral bullying and coercion practices, which seriously violate WTO rules and seriously undermine the rules-based multilateral trading system and international economic and trade order, according to the Global Times.

China will raise the additional tariffs on products imported from the United States to 125 percent, effective from Saturday, the Customs Tariff Commission of the State Council in Beijing announced Friday.

The news comes after the United States raised its "reciprocal tariffs" on Chinese imports, according to Xinhua.

The commission stated that the United States' imposition of unjustly high tariffs on China violates international economic and trade regulations, contradicts basic economic laws and common sense, and is nothing more than bilateral intimidation and coercion.

Even if the United States imposed even greater tariffs, the panel believes it would no longer make economic sense and would eventually be seen as a joke in world economic history, Xinhua reported.

However, if the United States continues to significantly undermine China's interests, China will take strong countermeasures and battle until the end, according to the commission.

Biska, the cultural and historical festival, which is exclusively observed in Bhaktapur, formally began today. 

Devotees have flocked to Taumadhi to pay homage to the deity Bhairav since the morning marking the commencement of the festival. 

After the worship to Bhairav concludes, the chariot procession of the Bhairav will begin, it is said. 

The Biska festival commenced with the towing of the Chariot of Bhairav after performing all the associated customary rituals.

 The idols of Bhairav and Betal are installed in the chariot along with the sword and flag brought from Hanumandhoka in Kathmandu.

The chariot is pulled in a procession from local Taumadhi to Gahiti.

The festival is observed in a grand way for eight nights and nine days with the celebrations of various rituals including the Sindur Jatra and the tongue-piercing ceremony. 

Liverpool forward Mohamed Salah has signed a new contract to extend his eight-year stay at Anfield, the Premier League club said.

The 32-year-old Egyptian international has played for Chelsea in the Premier League and Roma in the Italian Serie A, Al Jazeera reported.

In an interview Mohamed Salah said "Of course, I am really excited. We have a wonderful team now. We previously had an excellent team. But I signed because I believe we have a potential to win more championships and I enjoy playing football, as stated by  Al Jazeera.

Speculation had been mounting all season that the forward would be leaving Anfield, with Salah himself declaring in December that a deal was "far away".

A move to the Saudi Pro League has been strongly rumored as the forward's next destination, with champions Al Ittihad reportedly presenting a world record 215 million-pound ($270 million) deal as early as September 2023.

Durga Prasai, who was arrested from Assam, India, has been brought to Kathmandu on Friday.

He was brought to Kathmandu by Buddha Air from Bhadrapur Airport, who was earlier brought to Jhapa via Kakadbhitta border point directly from Assam.

Metropolitan Police Range, Kathmandu spokesperson Apil Raj Bohara informed that Prasai will be taken to the court for the extension of his custody to investigate the charges of committing crime against the State and organized crime.

Prasai, who had led the violent pro-monarchy protest in Tinkune on March 28, was apprehended from Assam with the help of Indian police and brought to Jhapa this morning.

Before bringing him to the airport, he was kept at the District Police Office, Jhapa.

Prasai’s bodyguard Deepak Khadka, who was detained along with him, was also brought to Kathmandu.

Controversial medial entrepreneur Prasai, who played a key role in instigating violence in the name of royalists in Tikune on March 28, claimed that he has surrendered to the Indian police.

He claimed through social media that he has turned himself in to the Indian police.

A few days ago, a team of Nepal Police had left for India to search Prasai.

He mentioned on social media that he surrendered to the Indian police at 9:13 pm after the guarantee of safety.

The pro-monarchy supporters had vandalized and torched commercial buildings and also attacked the office of Annapurna Media Network and other media outlets.

Two persons—photo journalist Suresh Rajak and Sabin Maharjan of Kirtipur had lost their lives and 129 others were injured during the violent protest.

Police have rounded up dozens in connection with the violence including Rastriya Prajatantra Party Vice Chairman Rabindra Mishra and General Secretary Dhawal Shamsher Rana.

The Nepal Film Directors Society has honored Annapurna Media Network General Manager Manoj Basnet for playing an unparalleled role in promoting the Nepali film industry by being active in the media sector.

Basnet was honored on the occasion of the society's silver jubilee celebration and 17th annual general meeting.

Society’s Chairman Janakdip Parajuli handed over the certificate of honor to Basnet.

“His service and contribution to the society by being active in the media sector for more than two decades is laudable,” Nepal Film Directors Society Chairman Parajuli said, adding, “Not only that, the role he played in promoting the Nepali film industry by leading the media house is commendable.”

The certificate of honor was signed by Minister for Forest and Environment Ain Bahadur Shahi Thakuri, Society Chairman Parajuli, and General Secretary Arun Kumar Pradhan.