Curiosity, it seems, is an integral part of Dashain. As relatives gather, it’s inevitable that they will ask intrusive questions because they are ‘curious’ or ‘concerned’. And these are more often than not directed at the young girls in the family—questions and comments about their career, marriage, and even weight gain are unavoidable. ApEx spoke to some young girls to find out how they deal with this situation. 

Anjali Machamasi, 21 

I don’t like people gossiping so I ignore them. I just walk away. But some are really persistent. I’m slim and fit but people always say that I’m too skinny. It bothers me a little because I’m not conscious of my body but people try to make me feel out of place. People don’t realize that comments about body type and weight can have a negative impact and make you insecure. This can also affect your relationship with others. I try not to take the comments seriously but it can become a little harrowing during Dashain as there is no escaping rude and uncalled for remarks. However, I try to keep a positive mind and not let what others think or say define me. People will gossip and pass judgements but it depends on you whether or not to let it affect you. 

Jeli Shakya, 25

I usually just listen politely and don’t engage much in gossip, especially since it’s often the elders talking. Out of respect, I don’t confront them, but I also try not to add anything to the conversation. I’ve been the target of gossip during festivals. People often comment on my weight, saying I’m too thin. It’s strange because those who are healthier than me are called ‘moti’ and given unsolicited diet advice. There is no escaping criticism no matter what so you just have to buckle up for it, I guess. I have to admit that it makes Dashain a bit stressful. However, I want to ensure that I don’t partake in such situations and break the cycle by showing empathy and encouraging conversations that uplift and inspire. 

Sajira Shrestha, 26 

Festivals have always been a space for gossip and conversations among family members and relatives. Some of these exchanges are lighthearted and help create a cheerful mood. However, others disguise hurtful comments as casual gossip. Since childhood, I’ve been rebellious. I never hesitate to confront my relatives when they speak negatively about others, or even about me. Unfortunately, whenever relatives come to my home, they often make comments about my body, telling me I need to go on a diet and exercise because I look fat. Lately, they’ve also started asking when I plan to get married and whether I have a boyfriend. What should be a friendly get-together often turns into an upsetting experience for me. When conversations feel like personal attacks, insecurity and doubts creep in. I believe if you feel uncomfortable, it’s better to confront those who ask meaningless questions.