When dysfunction tips over into poison

The word “toxic” has recently become a social media buzzword. While the term may be trending, toxic personalities and their ability to create dysfunctional relationships have been a persistent issue. Recognizing these toxic traits and knowing when to say "goodbye" is crucial. But how can we tell if we're dealing with a truly toxic person or just someone who’s occasionally difficult?

It's no secret that toxic people are a serious problem. They can hijack our self-esteem, disrupt our mood, stress us out, make us question our sanity, distance us from healthy relationships, and drain our mental and emotional energy faster than a phone battery at 1%.

The quality of our relationships is one of the most significant factors in our health, happiness, and success. The healthier our relationships, the healthier our lives. Conversely, problematic people can create problematic lives. Whether it's a dysfunctional friend or a difficult partner, their toxicity likely affects us to the point where it may even trigger toxic responses within ourselves.

Spotting a toxic relationship

We all have an instinct for recognizing difficult personalities, but when does someone's behavior cross the line from merely annoying to genuinely toxic? Toxicity can be somewhat subjective—everyone has different tolerance levels and values regarding conflict and loyalty. However, there are clear signs that a person or relationship has become objectively toxic and needs to be addressed.

It's also important to remember that there's a difference between toxicity and dysfunction. The word "toxic" is often used casually these days, but conflict doesn't automatically equate to toxicity. Problematic behavior isn’t always poisonous, self-interest isn't always predatory, fighting isn't always hurtful, and being challenged isn't always manipulative.

For example, a friend who challenges your opinion, a partner who refuses to validate your behavior, a peer with a different worldview, or a family member who questions your life choices—these people aren't necessarily toxic, even if they occasionally come across as tough or overbearing.

Five clear signs of a toxic person

1. They disrespect your boundaries

Toxic people see boundaries like a challenge on a reality TV show as if it’s there to be tested and crossed upon. They see the firm “no” as an invitation to turn up the drama. The thought of not having access to you is intolerable, and they’ll fight tooth and nail to keep the connection.

2. They are manipulative

Toxic people are grandmasters of manipulation. They’re not interested in mutual respect or love; they’re in it for power, control, and their own gratification. If you ever feel like a pawn in someone else’s game, it’s a clear sign to trust those gut feelings and cut them loose.

3. They always have to be right

For toxic people, admitting they are wrong is like Superman being exposed to kryptonite, it’ll make them weak. They will do everything in their power to twist your words and shift blame. Arguing with them is pointless, they are never wrong. They are always one step ahead to point out others’ mistakes while ignoring their own. 

4. They are always the victim

Toxic people love playing the victim card. Instead of owning up to their part in a setback, they shift into self-pity mode to gain sympathy and avoid accountability. If someone is constantly shifting the blame and seeking validation, they’re likely a toxic presence.

5. They leave you feeling drained

The ultimate sign of spotting a toxic person is to pay attention to that ‘icky’ feeling. It is your body’s way of telling you something is off. If you consistently feel exhausted after being around someone, it is high time to cut ties for the sake of your own well-being.

Occasional turbulence on a flight doesn’t mean we need to jump out with a parachute, but if the plane is perpetually on fire, It is time to find the nearest exit. So, the next time we find ourselves entangled with someone who disrespects our boundaries, manipulates like a puppeteer, always plays the victim card, or leaves us feeling like a deflated balloon, know that it is time to cut them off. Life is too short to be spent walking on eggshells or in the company of people who dim our light.

Aishwarya Koirala

BA IIIrd Year

St Xavier’s College, Maitighar