I’m a 47-year-old woman and a mother of two children. I’ve raised my children alone for the past two decades since my husband and I separated. His recent passing hasn’t drastically changed our lives, but societal expectations weigh heavily on me. People don’t understand what I have been through. While I find accepting things easier now than when he left, I’m grappling with the pressure to conform to societal norms. I’ve agreed to participate in rituals for him but I question their necessity. I’ve become more conscious of how I should present my emotions as I fear judgment. How do I navigate these complex feelings?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Your journey as a single mother over the past two decades reflects your remarkable strength and unwavering acceptance. However, navigating the passing of an estranged spouse while also balancing societal expectations can be disheartening.

First and foremost, it’s imperative to recognize and honor your feelings, irrespective of any external pressures or societal norms. Your emotional well-being must be the main priority, and it’s crucial to validate your experience fully. Remember, every emotion you’re experiencing is valid, and you possess the resilience and inner strength necessary to navigate this challenging journey while staying true to yourself.

Grieving is a deeply personal process, and you have every right to mourn in your unique way, free from the constraints of societal expectations. Your journey as a single mother, marked by resilience and fortitude, speaks volumes about your ability to overcome adversity. It’s entirely natural to feel a myriad of emotions, ranging from relief to sadness and even a sense of closure, following the passing of your estranged spouse.

You owe no one an explanation for your emotions or how you choose to process them. It’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and permit yourself to grieve at your own pace and manner. While participating in rituals or ceremonies may offer solace and closure to some, remember that it’s entirely your choice whether to partake in them. Trust your instincts and honor what feels right for you. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who genuinely understand and respect the complexities of your journey.

Self-compassion is paramount during this challenging time. Be gentle with yourself and practice self-compassion regularly. Remind yourself that it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize your own well-being and emotional needs. Grant yourself the grace to feel whatever emotions arise, without judgment or self-criticism.

Should you find yourself facing judgment or criticism from others, consider seeking solace in the company of a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. These people can offer you a safe and non-judgmental space to process your emotions and find comfort amidst the storm.