“Good morning Nani!” A high-pitched voice behind her door can always be heard during the early mornings of Spring. The morning wishes to feel like a reminder to her every day. This a reminder about how she can seize the day with optimum energy to accelerate productivity. 

A day where she is encouraged to quench her thirst for knowledge by plunging into the world of books and learning resources. Some days she is occupied with the wonders of the outside world and a few days she emerges to reflect her inner self. 

Her curiosity about life keeps her engaged throughout the day. Once she gets submerged into the depths of her understanding and thoughts, she imagines. An imagination that takes her to a topsy-turvy world. It unhinges her. 

On a calm Spring morning, she woke up to the sound of her father’s morning wish as usual. The sun was setting above the horizon and the Kathmandu valley was getting warmer and the sky clearer. A ray of golden light entered through the big windows into her study table. The table was full of her current readings from Carmine Gallo to Michael J Gelb. There were colorful sticky notes all over her wall which read about affirmations and mantras. 

Her vision board echoed the triumph of achievements she has envisioned for herself in the coming years. A graduation photo of her mother hung right below the flag of her dream country, Germany. As she stood in front of the mirror, a reflection of her teen self-appeared. A girl who is full of dreams and enthusiasm to conquer the world of possibilities. With a smile on her face, she does a big “hi 5”. 

After drinking a cup of water, she ties her hair up and sits down on her study table to write a to-study list for the day. A list that consists of several topics to read, learn, watch, and listen to. The sound of the cuckoo is a call for her to go upstairs on the terrace for some serene time alone. She catches a deep breath of the fresh air and the cool breeze flips her long hair. The hills on the southern side catch her attention and she feels calm and at ease. The hill isn’t as steep as a cliff but steep enough to run out of breath if a trekking trail is there. Many houses and buildings were visible from afar where the Kathmandu valley could be seen in its form.

Once she turns around to see the beautiful landscape of the valley, a glimpse of her childhood memories flashes in the blink of an eye. She saw a shy girl who was afraid of people. People’s faces. Faces that reminded her of an unforgettable incident that crippled her down to angst. Her heart suddenly feels cold and uneasy. She tries to divert her mind by recalling all the greatest lessons she has learned in her life so far. She reminds herself of her potential and worth. 

A reminder that keeps knocking her mind to make a comeback from all those setbacks. There she was already visualizing herself on the stage. The stage where she can share her story. The stage which fulfills her dreams in her mind is just a terrace at the moment. The limelight of the sun which she thinks is the spotlight for her makes her feel euphoric. And there she is. 

Talking to thousands of people. She can hear the audience clapping. The audience which are the houses and buildings at the moment. A moment that she rehearses in her mind to get the feeling of ultimate satisfaction. 

She stays longer than enough in the state of mind which frees her mind from those angst and fear of people. After attaining serendipity, she opens her heart to pour her feelings into the journal. The clarity in her vision of life she is building allows her to become more confident in the process. By writing, she gets to de-clutter her mind and understand herself. She writes: 

“There comes a point,

A point where you want to dream, 

Dream about every possibility,

Possibility of hope.”

In a brief moment, she pens a letter to her future self about how she has to keep going despite the obstacles and hurdles on her way. A letter that she seals with all her promises and dreams of achieving one day. Her style of articulating her thoughts and feelings made the letter sophisticated. There is a file of her letter collection which she has kept safely to open soon. Letters she wrote by collecting all her thoughts together to make sense of the “why” in her life. Long writings where she expressed her gratitude for life. A life that is full of quests and exploration.  

A notebook that was inside a pile of books caught her eye. It was sewed with a white thread on the side to keep the papers intact and brown tape to secure it neatly. She took the notebook in her hand and gently turned on the first page which wrote “1989, Kathmandu Valley” with a familiar-looking signature that caught her attention. The next page of the notebook would change her perception of many things in life. Once she started scanning the writings and the information in the notebook which was written with a type-writer handwriting almost to perfection, it amazed her. With a racing heart and curiosity in her mind, she started searching for more of the notebooks from other years.

There it was. A pile of several notebooks was organized based on the year. All the front pages read, “Curiosità”.

With a willingness to dive deeper into the world of thoughts, she spends an entire afternoon connecting the dots. The dots which is a point for her introspection consisting of her muse and contemplation. A cup of cold coffee keeps her up until evening as she plays Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons” on the Bluetooth speaker. Through her big windows, she can see a bed of clouds covering the honey-dew sky. She gasps for a few seconds and looks outside the window to feel the cozy evening warmth while munching on freshly baked cookies from her cousin. 

“Beep beep…” 

The phone ring catches her attention. It was a call that informed her about a delivery package in a few minutes. The package was wrapped in Lokta paper which had no information about the sender. A unique stamp piqued her attention. With gentle care, she unwraps the package and finds six similar-looking notebooks which were written in the year 2000 in the same handwriting. She assumes it to become a chronological order of writings with the content of a cathartic release of the writer.

When she opened the first notebook written in 2000, it read “The first wealth is health.” Her prolonged inquisitiveness made her adrenaline rush. She turned into the second notebook of 2001 which had the title “The Art of Being Happy.” While turning the page of the 2002’s notebook, she found a family photo and the title wrote,” Family is the heart of home.” 

While being inundated by the people of the family photo, she noticed the date at the back of the photo which was taken in 1990 by Panavision Panaflex Gold II. This took her to another notebook’s title “No pressure, no diamond.” The sequence of the title’s content was a matter of conjecture. She took a breath of relief before taking a glimpse of the other two notebooks. 

“Knock knock.”

The door is swiftly opened by her notorious brother just to barge in. Her focus diverts into the realm of friendly banter with many giggles and shared eye gaze. With an astonished look, he glances at the notebooks and tells her that the cover pages look familiar. 

On the spur of the moment, he rushes toward the storeroom and picks up a rustic brown wooden box that has metal brackets in the corner. He hands over the box to her and the first thing that she notices is the carving which is similar to the stamp in all the notebooks. 

Once they unlock the box, a photo of an old man sitting on this reading table is captured along with the same notebooks. 

It was a moment of awestruck infinity.  

Animon Rapacha 

BBM VI Semester, United College, Lalitpur