I’m a 21-year-old student, whose panic attacks and anxiety have been worsening lately. I feel like I’m a burden to everyone and everything bad that happens is my fault. Sometimes, I blame everyone else for the terrible things that happen to me. It feels like I’m just looking for people to pin the blame on. Also, I constantly think of locking myself in a dark room because I feel lonely all the time. It happens in moments when I’m minding my own business or having a casual conversation. I don’t know what this is but I know it’s not normal. How can I get out of this?—RR Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health Transitioning from a teenager to a young adult means going through a lot of changes mentally, so you might be facing some uncertainty issues. That is completely natural. But you have mentioned that your panic attacks and anxiety have been worsening lately which means the intensity of your problem is increasing. Usually, in these cases, some triggering factors push one towards mental breakdown, for instance, panic attacks. Figuring out what that triggering factor is is the first step to take. 

You must address whether a certain situation makes you happy, sad, or angry. Sometimes, things around us trigger our breakdowns and, in most cases, we are unable to notice that. One thing I want you to do is to ask yourself why you are getting anxiety or a panic attack in situations like this. Look around yourself. There must be something or someone that triggered your reaction. 

When you figure that out, you can move on to managing your emotions. For some, avoiding situations that make them emotionally and mentally unstable is the best solution. But you can also try another exercise, where you need to list down five good things about the person or a thing that has been bothering you psychologically. It will be difficult at first, but you will slowly get used to it with practice. Managing symptoms is one thing, but treating them is another. For that, I suggest you visit a psychiatrist as s/he will be able to give you a proper diagnosis. With proper medication, that is if needed, and the right guidance from a mental health professional, the process of healing will be much more comfortable for you.  Now, your tendency to repeatedly blame yourself has led you to believe that everything is your fault, which I hope you know isn’t true. You can help yourself by trying to figure out whether you have this feeling towards everyone, a particular group, or an individual. Also, it’s better to inquire if something is your fault, rather than making an assumption. That will help you gain self-confidence and stand up for yourself, which will eventually make you feel better. Also, you mentioned your tendency to blame others when you are suffering transcends what you are used to. Again, you should question and rationalize whether it’s just everyone or whether there are any specific people you are infuriated with. At times like this, it’s best to have someone by your side who can support and understand you emotionally.  I understand that sometimes it’s not easy to share your innermost thoughts and feelings. In times like that, express yourself by journaling, where there are no boundaries. You can be as honest as you can. Journaling will not only help you to identify things that have been dragging you toward loneliness but also help you reflect on yourself. It can be a way of answering questions like what you truly want, and how you can work on obtaining that.