I’m a 20-year-old student, desperately trying to fit in with my peers. Whether it’s following the latest fashion trends, listening to the same music, or participating in the same activities, I’ve often found myself doing things just because my friends are doing it. It’s exhausting, and I feel like losing my identity. But it’s hard to resist the urge to fit in. What should I do?—A confused guy Answered by Tashi Gurung, counseling psychologist, Happy Minds I think we have all been through a point in life where we do whatever it takes to fit in with a group, be it in school, college, or the workplace. And it mostly happens when we are still in our adolescence. So, the pressure you are feeling right now is natural. We all want to fit in somewhere, be a part of a group, and enjoy the fun experiences that come with it. But, as you said, losing ourselves in the mix becomes easier, which isn’t a good thing for anyone. 

So, first of all, it’s important for you to find a balance between fitting in and being true to yourself. It’s not like you can have only one or the other. You can still have friends while not having to follow every trend, hum to every popular song, or be with them all the time. One thing you can do is find a common ground and pursue activities that both you and your friends can genuinely enjoy. 

It’s not a bad thing to differ from your peers. Not everyone is the same. After all, it’s your uniqueness that makes you stand out in a crowd. It’s this diversity that makes the world an exciting and vibrant place. So having different interests and hobbies isn’t something you need to hide. Rather, have the courage to be vocal about it. If you want your peers to accept you for who you are, you need to show them your true side. I understand what you mean when you say that keeping up with the latest trends, music, and activities makes you feel exhausted. The pressure to fit in has created a lot of stress. But you need to focus on your mental health before anything else. The stress can even turn into anxiety or depression if it goes on for a long time. So, make your well-being the first priority. The rest comes later.  Since you are struggling to fit in, I think it’s time you analyze if the company you hang out with right now is good for you. A friendship is healthy only when you are able to be yourself with each other. If that’s not the case, you need to surround yourself with people who love and adore you for who you are.  To feel more comfortable among your peers, I suggest you seek out individuals who share your interests and values. Join clubs or groups that cater to your passion and hobbies. This will not only help you make meaningful connections but also stay true to yourself. Lastly, it’s important to remember that fitting in is not a one-time thing. As you grow and evolve, your interests and passions might change. Embrace those changes, and don’t be afraid to move away from your peers’ expectations. Remember that you are the only one who knows what truly makes you happy.