Doing vs being

Have you ever been in situations at work where things didn’t exactly pan out the way you wanted them to? If you have been in the workforce for a while, chances are you have most likely put up with numerous circumstances like those. Did you also beat yourself over and over? Felt guilty at your ‘inability’ to work things out? It’s all too common for us to kick ourselves for the presentation we should have nailed but didn’t. The whole picture keeps playing on in our minds. There’s no forgetting it. We wish we could go back and change the entire story. In mindfulness, which means awareness of the present moment, we refer to two different modes on which we operate. One is the doing mode, which helps us achieve goals that the mind has set. This could mean anything from getting a simple task done to setting long-term goals for our careers. The doing mode constantly compares the present with the past and the future, and measures against what is desired, required, expected, and/or feared. On the other hand, we have the being mode, which is more concerned with the present moment. It doesn’t mean not doing anything and remaining passive. Rather, it embodies a more accepting and non-judgmental nature to what is. Imagine a scenario where you were expecting a holiday on the first of May and had made some travel plans owing to an extended weekend. However, instead of a holiday, your boss gives you a new project with a tight deadline. From a doing mode perspective, you will first fume at the seemingly harsh treatment from your boss for canceling your holiday, ruining your travel plans, and on top of that, piling up additional work burden.

Although the doing mode is important for us because it helps us achieve goals, it’s also troublesome in scenarios like this when we constantly want to compare the present (no holiday with additional work) with our desires (of a holiday so that we could travel as planned) and frustrations loom large (because of the discrepancy that is now evident).

This is when the being mode is of great aid. Instead of yelling at our boss or venting our frustrations that we are likely to regret later, the being mode helps us take a step back and put things into perspective. Can we change the fact that there is no holiday? No. Hence, an acceptance of this fact is crucial before we can decide on anything else. Now that we have accepted the present, we can now look ahead to see what can be done. Can we decline or postpone the project? Or is there a valid reason why it’s so urgent? Taking a pause allows us to step back and take a holistic view of the situation. A lot of times, we beat ourselves up for matters we have no control over. We feel bad because we had high expectations about how that presentation should have panned out. Doing mode is great, but it no longer serves us if the mind insists on achieving goals that are out of its control. Switching to a being mode allows us to first accept how the presentation went, and then adjust toward setting new goals moving forward. This little shift in mindful awareness to take a pause and switch between doing and being mode can greatly contribute to a happier and more fulfilling workplace and career. The author is co-founder of My Emotions Matter, an education initiative that helps individuals and teams learn the mindset and skills of Emotional Intelligence. You can learn more at myemotionsmatter.com