Emotional Intelligence means being smarter with feelings. This means being able to acknowledge, identify, label and understand emotions in self and others. It means understanding that our emotions affect the way we see ourselves, others and the world and therefore taking this into consideration to understand and regulate our behaviors. 

Practicing emotional intelligence doesn’t have to be complicated. Here are 10 simple ways of showing up with emotional intelligence on a daily basis:

1. Notice how you are feeling and label it. Is it anger or annoyance? Are you feeling serene or is it ecstasy? When we label our emotions, they have less power over us. Naming an emotion means using the cognitive part of our brain, which helps us shift from reacting blindly to thinking things through. Think of it in terms of a map. To successfully navigate your journey, you will need to know where you are and where you’d like to go.
2. Separate the stimulus from the cause. Someone didn’t show up on time? Sure, that is the stimulus. But what really made you feel annoyed? Perhaps you wanted assurance that your time would be respected? Once you are aware of the needs behind the feelings, you can strategize better to attain positive outcomes.

3. Stop classifying emotions as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Emotions aren’t good or bad. They are data about our needs. When you feel something unpleasant, ask yourself: What am I feeling? What message is this emotion giving me about myself?

4. Ask for feedback from a trusted person: what is something about me that is obvious to others but I can’t see clearly? This feedback loop will help you reduce your blind spots. 

5. Do a Rose/Thorn/Bud reflection everyday. Identify what was pleasant (Rose), what was unpleasant (Thorn) and what you are looking forward to (Bud). If you do this quick exercise everyday, you’ll start to see a pattern emerge. Recognizing this pattern can help you become self-aware.

6. Learn to see with your eyes. What this means is that when something bothers us, our brains tend to come up with a narrative. When this happens, it will be hard to see clearly. Ask yourself: what really happened? For example, your brain might say ‘he ignored me’. Seeing with your eyes is acknowledging that the other person did not wave back at you. Did the person really ignore you or was something else going on for them? Test your assumptions.

7. Ask yourself often: Does this need to be said? Do I need to say this? Do I need to say it now? Taking a pause allows us the space to respond rather than react in the heat of the moment. Time away offers perspective.

8. Connection before correction. Unless the other person feels heard, it will be difficult for them to hear our point of view. Instead of playing the ‘Who is Right’ Game, listening to underlying feelings and needs can help us resolve differences peacefully.
 

9. Emotions tend to shorten our attention-span . As a result, we might end up acting in ways that take us further away from our desired outcomes. A good question to ask ourselves often is: what do I really want? Once we are clear about our needs, we can then come up with different strategies to meet those needs.

10. Define your values and keep revisiting them everyday. Whenever you act in alignment with your values, congratulate yourself. On days when you fail to do so, remind yourself that there is another opportunity to show up in a way that is aligned with the kind of person you wish to be. Rather than being blown by winds of circumstances, becoming aware of our values can help us lead our life with integrity and purpose.

Emotional Intelligence is an on-going practice. If we can incorporate one or more of these actions on a daily basis, we can have better relationships at home and at work. 

The author is co-founder of My Emotions Matter, an education initiative that helps individuals and teams learn the mindset and skills of Emotional Intelligence. Learn more at myemotionsmatter.com