In the otherwise somber settings of Pashupati Aryaghat lies a healing center to look after the terminally ill. The patients who get there are often in the last stage of their life, seeking the comfort they could not find elsewhere.

The belief that taking one’s last breath in Bramhanal—a holy spot with holy water located right below the healing center—ensures a place in heaven prompts many people to live out the final days of their life at this healing center. And this is where Kalyani Bista, a medical nurse, has been volunteering for the past eight years.

Born and raised in Gokarna, Bista always dreamed of being a nurse. But she never pictured herself devoting her life to the patients who come looking for Ghate Baidhya (‘a crematorium doctor’). The 33-year-old first visited the healing center at the age of 16 and she was instantly engulfed by a deep sense of sadness. “I was barely able to process what was happening around me, leave alone think of working there,” she says.

After completing her education in 2013, she visited the place again. Something in her had changed by then, says Bista. She now felt completely at home there and was this time determined to serve the dying. Eight years later, she could not be more satisfied with what she does every single day.

“Most of the patients who come here are very old,” says Bista. For some, she is the sole source of comfort when their family leaves them in her hands.

Most patients she gets are ventilated or in a coma, but the ones who are conscious seek her presence all the time. She remembers quite a few who held her hand and asked her to stay by their side when the pain from their illness became unbearable.

“There is no break in this line of work, which is why I live at the healing center,” adds Bista. Many patients request her to take them to Bramhanal for their last breath. Because of which she always has to be on an alert for such requests. Besides that, she stays with her patients to ease their pain by providing them painkillers and keeping their surroundings clean. Although she finds her work fulfilling, it is mighty challenging too.

Bista has to deal with a lot of emotional trauma every day. “I have seen and heard things that could mortify anybody,” she says. Some families just abandon their elders, some elders have no families, while some pass away desperately wanting to see their children one last time. “I get attached to them emotionally, and seeing them in pain leaves me in tears,” adds Bista.

There is one particular incident that still keeps her up at night. This was when a newborn passed away in her arms. The child had multiple organ failure and there was no possibility of saving him. It was a lot of sleepless nights for her, and the pain of losing him still haunts Bista. “I took care of him like he was my own. When he passed away in my arms, I was devastated,” she says.

But such trauma has not stopped her from working. Bista believes that helping the ill is the responsibility that she took upon herself a long time ago. Although there are many emotionally draining moments, she believes she is meant for this work. “I have always had a deep attachment for the children and the eldery. Being able to take care of them when they need me is deeply satisfying,” she adds.

Some patients Bista treated have returned home and most of them passed away within a week or month of returning. But she remembers one particular patient from three years back who returned home and is still alive and kicking. “Among all the sad cases, that one case brings me great joy,” she says. “It is satisfying to see a patient of mine regain health and return to me with a smile on their face.”

But Bista wants to do more. “My wish is to someday open a care home for the elderly who have no one to look after them,” says Bista.

She wants to serve the elderly not just in the last stage of their life but right through their dotage. But for the past three months she has been volunteering as a nurse at Sadgamaya Briddha Kuti, an old age home in Boudha. “Serving the elderly and the sick is my life’s purpose,” says Bista, “and something I intend to continue doing so long as my health holds up.”