What does marriage mean? In my teens, I used to think it was about love, companionship and family—you know, the usual run-of-the-mill clichés. 

Today, in my 20s, I am forced to search for a more meaningful definition of marriage. No, banal explanations won’t do any more. I refuse to accept that marriage is something that is bound to happen one day, that it is an indispensable part of life. 

“Aba bihe kaile garne?” (When are you getting married?), “Bhoj kaile khuwaune?” (When will you invite us for a feast?). I grew up watching my elder cousins field such questions about their marriage plans from family friends and relatives. I am sure those questions will be pointed at me one day.

While I still remain on the fence about the subject of marriage, it’s only fair that I mull the other side of the marriage coin: What does staying unmarried mean? Is it the opposite of my teenage musings? No love? No companionship? And no family?

To find out, I talked to some women who have decided to stay unmarried. 

Usha Titikshu is an atheist, queer and an independent photojournalist. She tells me marriage is not her thing.

“I never wanted to get married, go to my husband's house, have kids, buy a house for the family and all that,” Titikshu says. 

On the matter of love, the 50-year-old says she has fallen in love before and believes in love and emotional connection between two persons. It’s just the idea of marriage she doesn’t get. “Marriage was never a priority and will never be,” she says.

Rabina Tuladhar* has been with her partner for more than 12 years now. The 36-year-old doesn’t plan on getting married, ever. 

“Our love for each other is enough. We don’t have to attest our union for the sake of society,” she says.

Tuladhar tells me she comes from a broken home. Her parents divorced when she was a teenager. Perhaps her decision to remain unmarried was based on her personal experience. No matter, she is happy to find a partner who feels the same way about marriage. 

“I am extremely lucky to have someone who puts love and trust above all,” she says.

Sushila Khadgi* has a different story about her decision to remain unmarried. She is an entrepreneur with an independent outlook on life. Marriage somehow does not fit the life she has imagined for herself.    

Khadgi is 42 and single by choice. When she was in her 20s, she had the option to either agree to an arranged marriage and go to the US with her would-be-husband, or complete her master's degree in Nepal. She chose to continue her studies and build a life on her own terms.  

“I am proud of my decision,” she says “Choosing not to get married opened up a new world for me and I plan on keeping it that way.” 

Bhumika Chhetri*, watched all her sisters go to their husbands’ homes after getting married. She didn’t want to follow in their footsteps. 

The 38-year-old says she would rather stay at home taking care of her parents. 

“My friends tell me that I should find a partner, someone who is going to be by my side when I get old. But I’m not ready for a formal marriage,” Chhetri says. 

“I don’t have the desire to leave my life behind, go to someone else’s home and change my identity.”

The women I interviewed tell me they personally feel liberated— empowered even—by choosing not to get married or remain single. The only downsides they could think of are awkward interactions with relatives and being a subject of gossip. 

Tuladhar says the fact that she’s been with her partner for more than 12 years and yet they are unmarried is the subject often brought up during family gatherings. 

“The subject never gets old but it doesn’t affect me anymore,” she says. 

A common question Khadgi gets is what her husband does for a living, which she finds funny and infuriating at the same time. 

“It is a reflection of the patriarchal mindset. I’m running my own business and people still want to know what my ‘non-existent’ husband does,” she says. 

Likewise, Purnima Gautam* is a single mother of a 15-year-old son. She says that her giving birth out of wedlock is a subject of gossip for many people she knows. 

“I have reached the point where I can tune out those gossips,” she says. “Being an unmarried, single mother does not affect me.”

After listening to the stories of these women, I realize that the concept of marriage, for better or worse, is changing. Yes, there is still a stigma attached to singlehood, particularly when it comes to women. But that too will change as more women become independent and Nepali society becomes more open and accepting.

Bishnu Basyal, a lawyer with an extensive knowledge on women rights, says modern Nepali women are challenging old stereotypes about marriage. 

“A woman is not her marital status. Even the Supreme Court identifies the rights of women who chose to stay single all their life. They can even adopt a child if they want to after the age of 45,” she says. 

So at the end of the day, it depends on individuals how they want to live their lives—in or out of wedlock. It is empowering to see women breaking the marriage stereotypes.

And if you ask me, marriage is a choice, not a compulsion.

(*Some names in the article have been changed for privacy purposes)