The innocence of childhood and newfound thrill of love and attention in teenage years can be exploited by the wrong people. How do you make children and young adults understand the need to report any kind of harassment and behavior that makes them uncomfortable? How do you tell them that they needn’t ever feel guilty about it? That they are never at fault, no matter what anyone tells them? I don’t have children, but this inevitable duty scares the daylights out of me. What if I fail to guard them against the predatory nature of psychopaths? Reading books that deal with sexual abuse makes me nervous—fiction is often a stark reminder of how abuse can often go unnoticed. But it also fills you with an added sense of responsibility to be better attuned to its signs. 

Heavily influenced by Vladimir Nabokov’s ‘Lolita’ and with multiple references to it throughout the book, ‘My Dark Vanessa’ by Kate Elizabeth Russell is the story of the sexual relationship between a 15-year-old schoolgirl and her 45-year-old English teacher, Jacob Strane. Vanessa, now in her 30s, is being forced to relive what happened to her when sexual abuse allegations are made against Strane by other girls. The problem is, Vanessa doesn’t consider herself to be a victim. For her, Strane was her first love. She lied to protect him when their relationship was discovered during her school days and she has, over the years, been in touch with him every now and then.

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Vanessa blames herself for Strane’s inability to control himself. “I was the first student who put the thought in his head,” she thinks, parroting Strane’s words. “There was something about me that made it worth the risk. I had an allure that drew him in.” Brainwashed into thinking what they had was rare and whatever happened was because Vanessa allowed it, their ‘teacher-student relationship’ never feels like abuse to the victim. Even when Vanessa is uncertain and starts doubting Strane, he finds ways to pin the blame on her and makes her feel guilty—such is the extent of Strane’s manipulation. 

The story feels a bit overwhelming as you can see what the protagonist can’t. You realize how damaged Vanessa is while understanding exactly why she doesn’t think so. Through her story, Russell shows why some women don’t see themselves as victims of abuse and how, because of that, even years later abusers have some form of control over them. My Dark Vanessa, as painful as it is to read and comprehend, is a smart, important book that can be an essential tool to amplify the #MeToo movement.  

My Dark Vanessa

Four stars
Fiction
Kate Elizabeth Russell
Published: 2020
Publisher: William Morrow
Pages: 384, Paperback