After nearly three decades of reform efforts, the parliament passed a liberal abortion law in 2002. This granted all Nepali women the right to terminate their pregnancy without regard to their present or past marital status. Women were granted the right to terminate a pregnancy of up to 12 weeks without anybody’s consent. In 2005, this law was challenged by Achyut Kharel, a lawyer. He argued the law discriminated against men, as a woman could terminate a pregnancy without her husband’s consent. Nepal’s Supreme Court dismissed this case after the Kathmandu-based Forum for Women, Law and Development (FWLD) convinced the court that a woman’s human rights would be violated if spousal consent was required for abortion.

Nabin Kumar Shrestha, an advocate and program manager at FWLD, says it had to do with what women go through during a delivery. “From what I have heard, some women give birth relatively easily while others endure such pain that they faint a couple of times when they go into labor. Even if a tiny percentage of women die during delivery, lives are still lost,” he argues. He therefore thinks that it should be a woman’s choice whether to go ahead with the delivery or to abort.

Shrestha says when we talk about reproductive rights, a phrase we commonly hear is ‘My body, my rights’. “To drive home why this is important and make men see the pain that a woman goes through to bring a new life on Earth, they must attend deliveries,” says Shrestha. He thinks it is important for a husband to be present during a delivery.

“At least now, urban Nepalis have started having only one or two kids. But some communities are religiously bound to avoid contraceptives. So they produce many children, and men usually have the say in it. But if the men could appreciate the pain their partners endure, the scenario might be different,” he says
Nepali law is currently silent on whether men should be allowed into or barred from birthing centers. Each hospital or maternity center has its own guidelines. Shrestha recalls the time when his wife gave birth naturally 20 months ago, and he was not allowed to enter the birthing center. “In fact, no visitors were allowed,” he says.

However, some hospitals in Kathmandu such as Norvic and Prasuti Griha (Paropakar Maternity and Women’s Hospital or PMWH) allow men into the birthing rooms.

Encouraging men to see
Established in 1959, PMWH is a government-owned hospital that provides most of its services for free. It has seven beds in its birthing room. Curtains are used in the room to maintain a semblance of privacy. A sign on the door reads: “Only husbands and female visitors are allowed in”.

Asha Devi Prajapati, head nurse at PMWH, says that only after a birthing room was opened in 2007 were husbands allowed to enter it, but only in case of a low-risk normal delivery. (Earlier there was no separate birthing room, only a general labor room where
women delivered babies.)

As many as 60 deliveries take place every 24 hours at PMWH. Only 12-15 are low-risk normal deliveries.
Dr Jageshwor Gautam, Director of PMWH, says that in the labor room where women are kept right before they give birth, men are not allowed to stay for lack of space. (They can get in just to pass medicine and food.)

Parbati Shah, who gave birth to a baby on June 11 at Prasuti Griha, wishes her husband was there with her in the labor room. She felt she would pass out and her back hurt continuously. “I wanted someone to massage it. But visitors were not allowed in. The room had about 60 women, all of whom were in similar conditions,” says Shah.

A nurse beckoned Puleshwor Majhi into the birthing room when his wife Kalpana Majhi gave birth to a baby boy on 24 June at PMWH. It was the first time he saw a baby being delivered. “This is my second child. I held my child even before his mother did. She was writhing in agony. I was filled with empathy,” remembers Puleshwor.

When asked if he would be there again with her if they have another baby, he ruled out a third child. Kalpana said it was really hard giving birth, but Puleshwor’s presence made it easier.

Nurses at the same hospital estimate that only around 65 percent of the men agree to witness the birth of their baby. Even though they call the men into the birthing room, most try to get away saying they are scared. Others say they get dizzy when they see blood. The nurses say women generally feel positive and give birth faster when their partner is present. They have witnessed men fainting at the sight of a baby being born in the birthing room. “We get confused as to who we should attend to,” they joke.

When Apsara Tamang was about to deliver a baby on June 24 at PMWH, her husband Bijay Tamang was called into the birthing room, but he did not go in. “I thought someone experienced should be there during the delivery, so I asked her aunt to be there instead. I am a man. I wanted to be there, but then I was outside managing food, medicine and other essentials,” says Bijay. Apsara says she did not mind whether or not Bijay was present in the birthing room.

Understanding her pain
Norvic is one of the most expensive private hospitals in Kathmandu, where a normal delivery costs Rs 125,000 on average. Dr Achala Vaidya, head of the department of obstetrics and gynecology, says they ask a pregnant woman if she wants any visitor while giving birth. “The husband understands the wife’s pain and his respect for her increases when he sees her giving birth to their child,” says Vaidya. She adds that the presence of both the partners during delivery makes the moment truly amazing and unforgettable for them.

“A woman feels supported when her partner is there to pat her, wipe her sweat and bring her water. She feels mentally stronger and can go through the painful process more confidently,” says Dr Vaidya. She has been with Norvic for 14 years, and her experience tells her that a woman usually wants her husband to be present while she goes into labor, and that his presence gives her some comfort. And often husbands also demand that they be allowed to witness the birth of their child.

However, during her earlier stint at Prasuti Griha, she hardly saw any husband making such a demand. “I saw that men usually took it for granted that their wives will produce a baby. They had the perception that their wife has to give birth somehow,” she recalls. Dr Vaidya thinks it should be made compulsory for fathers to attend normal deliveries.